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How to Develop a Life Purpose Map

On Saint Patrick’s Day, I wanted to do something special to mark the halfway point in my series of Active Ajax Adventures. For our 26th outing, what started as a local urban walk turned into a multi-hour exploration that incorporated Grace Cole Nature Park. Ever since, I’ve been contemplating change, mindsets, and direction. In the first of three related posts, I share ideas for how to develop a life purpose map.

The Grace Cole Nature Park is only accessible from the north. If I'd looked more closely at the street map I would have realized that what I thought would take a couple of hours would need longer.
The Grace Cole Nature Park is only accessible from the north. If I’d studied the street map more carefully, I would have realized our ramble would take longer.

Without a Map…

My intention was to visit a few Little Free Libraries on the way to the southeast area of the green space. I knew to head due north, then assumed we’d find the first right to head into the park. But all of the roads kept leading left. We ended up .7 miles north of our destination, clear up in Lake Forest Park.

It was such a lovely spring day, and both of us were enjoying ourselves. When we finally arrived at the nature park, we’d already walked for ninety minutes. “At least,” I thought, “it will be quicker getting home.” Not quite. We had to head north again until we found a right turn that would finally lead us back south.

One of my mistakes was assuming Grace Cole Nature Park was in Shoreline. If I'd known it was considered part of Lake Forest Park, or if I'd looked more closely at the access roads, we probably would have driven.
One of my mistakes was assuming Grace Cole Nature Park was in Shoreline. If I’d known it was considered part of Lake Forest Park, or if I’d looked more closely at the access roads, we probably would have driven.

Analogy for Life Purpose Map

As we rambled, I got to thinking about the importance of maps, both for travel and life. Without directions to your exact destination, it takes far longer to get there. If we don’t know what we want, we can’t aim for it. And without having a firm idea of our life’s destination, we’re likely to squander precious time or try things that go nowhere.

But in some ways, that makes the journey more interesting, and more fun. On our ramble, we got to see things we wouldn’t have if we’d driven. I shot ninety photos that morning. Most of them were discoveries outside of the park. You could say we “flew by the seat of our pants.”

Ajax approaches the duck ponds along the short boardwalk through the wetlands.
Ajax approaches the duck ponds along the short boardwalk through the wetlands.

Plotter, Pantser, or Plantser?

Likewise, writers are considered to be either plotters or pantsers. Plotters figure out the start and end points, with a few key points along the way. Pantsers tend to wing it, or “fly by the seat of their pants.” They come across surprises along the way that inform, enrich, and alter their story.

Hybrids, known as plantsers, do a little of both. I like to know my end destination, but how I get there varies widely. Pilots are off course 95% of the time yet somehow they still reach the target airport.

At work, I am a plotter. I’ve learned how to help clients set reasonable goals and pursue them. In rambles with Ajax, I’m becoming a plantser. And in life and writing, I have been more of a pantser. Which are you? Does it vary, depending on the situation you find yourself in?

Oops. "You have now left the park and are entering the backyard of a private residence." A kind way to say "Turn around, fool." Does your life purpose map exist? Does it have detours and false starts?
Oops. “You have now left the park and are entering the backyard of a private residence.” A kind way to say “Turn around, fool.” Does your life purpose map exist? Does it have detours and false starts?

Life Choices as Teens

It feels like I have been a pantser most of my life, jumping at the next thing that sounds feasible. I went to college on the East Coast because that’s what a lot of my classmates’ older siblings were doing. I stayed there because I found a job at the Smithsonian Institute that sounded fun. And I moved to Seattle for graduate school because I’d only heard positive things about it.

If someone had told my high school self that I’d live my adult life in Seattle as an author and personal trainer running my own company, I never would have believed it. Most of what I do now never crossed my radar as a teenager. And most of what I write about now, I could not have known about even two years ago. We expect too much from our teens.

A life purpose map doesn't include everything. If I'd followed a map to Grace Cole Nature Park I would have missed some wonderful surprises along the way.
A life purpose map doesn’t include everything. If I’d followed a map to Grace Cole Nature Park I would have missed some wonderful surprises along the way.

Life Purpose Map Questions

Regardless of whether you like to plot or wing it, how do you start making a life purpose map? Below are some questions to reflect on or discuss with a partner, spouse, coach, or someone close to you.

  • Have a conversation with your significant other or close family member about potential “couples goals.” What would you like to accomplish by the end of the year? In the next two years? Five years?
  • Think about what you have enjoyed the most in the past five years. How might you include more of that in the coming months?
  • Imagine yourself at the age of 85. What have you accomplished? Where have you traveled? Whose lives have you enriched? What obstacles have you overcome? What does your daily life look like?
  • Have a conversation with that wise older you either in chair form or writing in different colored pens as I suggested in last week’s blog. What advice would your future self provide? What would you most like to ask future you?
  • Finally, try writing your obituary to get in touch with what matters most. Who would you want to be present at your celebration of life? What do you want to be remembered for? What do you want to have accomplished in your lifetime? Some people call these items a “bucket list.”
A commemorative bench in Grace Cole Nature Park. The plaque is for a loved one who was a "pacifist, musician, and nature-lover." What three words best describe you? Are they words you'd want on your own bench?
A commemorative bench in Grace Cole Nature Park. The plaque is for a loved one who was a “pacifist, musician, and nature-lover.” What three words best describe you? Are they words you’d want on your own bench?

Takeaways

Creating a life purpose map requires time, focus, mental energy, and patience. Think about the questions posted above during your next walk or hike. Send your deepest desires and wishes to the multiverse and be open to what happens next. Reflect on what you WANT, instead of what you DON’T want. The more definite you are about what you want, the more likely you are to hit the target.

On ramble 26, I knew I wanted to visit Grace Cole Nature Park. But I had no time restrictions or specific mileposts along the way. Any route would do. Is that how you want to meander through your life? My path to blogger and business owner was quite circuitous. Yet I would change very little about it.

Would a more specific map have helped? I don’t know. But I do know I want to get more specific for the next phase of my adult life. What about you?

Ajax posed beside a huge tree stump in Grace Cole Nature Park. His look says it all: "Mamarazzi, aren't you tired of taking my picture?"
Ajax posed beside a huge tree stump in Grace Cole Nature Park. His look says it all: “Mamarazzi, aren’t you tired of taking my picture?”

In an upcoming blog, we’ll look at how to get very specific with what you want in order to figure out what practices to put into your daily life.

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How to Resolve Conflicting Messages

Earlier this week, I found myself thinking, “This is really frustrating. I wish somebody would tell me what to do.” Minutes later, in a completely different situation, I said to myself, “I don’t want anyone else telling me what to do.” Huh? How can we resolve conflicting messages such as these?

On a beautiful morning at Magnuson Park, I struggled with the conflicting messages warring in my mind.
On a beautiful morning at Magnuson Park, I struggled with the conflicting messages warring in my mind.

Ambivalence Is Normal

Wanting one thing in a certain area of your life but something else that apparently conflicts with it in a different area — like my pseudo-desire for guidance — is totally normal. Just like you can have a fixed mindset in certain areas of your life but a growth mindset in others.

Ambivalence comes from craving something different, but also wanting things to continue as they are. Sound familiar?

Think of a situation in your life where you have tried repeatedly to change but you just haven’t had the success you’d like. Maybe you lose a few pounds one week but gain it all back the next. Or you make fantastic progress one week and fall into a slump the next. You know you should be moving forward — after all, who doesn’t want to be healthy, happy, and successful — but you just can’t get consistent.

Decorated building near Magnuson Park's Promontory Point.
Decorated maintenance shed near Magnuson Park’s Promontory Point.

Can you be okay living with ambivalence, at least for a short while until you’re ready to change?

Key Words for Change

Sometimes clients think they “should” want x or y, but then they don’t take any actions toward them. Maybe they sabotage themselves or fall into “when X, then Y” thinking. I’ve written about that pesky word “should” before. How if you’re using it often, write it big on a piece of paper and then scribble over it. Remove it from your working vocabulary.

The simplest answer is: it’s not what they really want. Yet.

Whenever you have a big enough reason — a big enough why — you will find the motivation and courage to change. The desire to change must come from within. And even when we succeed at changing, we’re still not completely immune to backsliding. We need to develop self-compassion and recognize that even during struggle we are human and worthy of love and respect. Whether we are stuck or moving forward.

This is a perfect example of going nowhere, fast. These stairs at Promontory Point were so overgrown with branches that we had to turn around to look for another path. Just like in life, sometimes we must try something, get lost, reach a dead end, and try again. A coach can help you speed up the process.
This is a perfect example of going nowhere, fast. These stairs at Promontory Point were so overgrown with branches that we had to turn around to look for another path. Just like in life, sometimes we must try something, get lost, reach a dead end, and try again. A coach can help you speed up the process.

Coaches at Precision Nutrition use the key phrase, “ready, willing, and able.” If a person is not ready, willing, or able to do certain things, not even the best coach with the perfect program and advice will be able to get them to change.

So what are we supposed to DO in order to change? Suffer in silence?

Tools for Understanding Conflicting Messages

As Precision Nutrition coaches, we’re taught the importance of facing discomfort in order to grow. Here are two tools you can use to try to better understand where those conflicting messages are coming from and what they are trying to tell you. Because while our habits start out supporting us, once we outgrow them it is time to change.

Magnuson has something for everyone: sports fields, off-leash dog park, and wild birds habitat. It also has plenty of areas to explore.
Magnuson has something for everyone: sports fields, an off-leash dog park, and wild bird habitat. It also has plenty of areas to explore.

Two Voices In Conversation

This exercise resembles role play with yourself. You can think of the mature, wise, and compassionate voice who has all the answers as your “adult self.” The stuck, confused, frustrated, and perhaps scared voice is your “child self.”

Feel free to give a name to each self, or even think of them in terms of mentor/mentee, teacher/student, wise/novice, or coach/client. Whatever relationship resonates most with you. I have named my 6-year-old gremlin “Gooky”, a smash-up of “great” and “cookie” that I created when I was battling to give up sugar. She is my voice of resistance. And she is doggedly determined to keep things exactly the way they are.

Four years ago I was still baking something every few days. Once I realized how much better I felt without gluten, sugar, and dairy, the change made itself. I was furious about giving up each thing. Now I don't even notice.
Four years ago I was still baking something every few days. Once I realized how much better I felt without gluten, sugar, and dairy, the change made itself. I was furious about giving up each thing. Now I don’t even notice.

You can write (or type) what each voice says. Or if you prefer talking through problems, set two chairs facing one another. Allow the stuck self to have three minutes to say whatever it likes. Pause for a minute and jot down whatever comes up.

Then switch font or ink color (or chair) and give the wise self a minute to summarize what the confused self has revealed. Think of the wise self as you in fifty years, if you like, looking back at now. For two more minutes, the wise self gets to offer affirmations, love, understanding, and possible solutions. It then asks a question of the stuck self.

Promontory Point at Magnuson Park.
Promontory Point at Magnuson Park.

After each voice has had a chance to talk, continue the dialogue until each side has been heard. What did each voice say? What insights did you gain from listening to each voice?

Examine Previous Changes

The second tool is to examine your past and make a list of any large changes you’ve made. Examples might include graduating from college or graduate school, getting a promotion, entering a long-term relationship, starting a family or business, or traveling. Everyone alive is capable of profound change.

The important thing to recognize is that change is scary, but you have within you all the tools you need to do it. What skills come to the surface? Maybe you were really resilient. Perhaps you loved the planning aspect of it. Or it could be that you had a partner help you get through. Write them down as a list of your unique change tools.

The only constant in life is change. We are all capable of change. But it takes examining our own process and what works best to move forward.
The only constant in life is change. We are all capable of change. But it takes examining our own process and what works best to move forward.

Motivational Interviewing: Beat Conflicting Messages

Finally, once you have a better understanding of what’s causing your ambivalence and a list of your change tools, reread what you’ve written. If you find yourself using a lot of words like “just” or “but”, you’re facing resistance. Again, normal.

Precision Nutrition has a wonderful piece about Motivational Interviewing that goes into far more detail about ambivalence and resistance. The key point is to recognize that resistance is just as much a part of making a change as ambivalence. You are normal!

If you identify a lot of anger and defensiveness in your dialogue, embrace it. Question it. Be curious about it. And by writing it down you can examine it more closely when you’re not as emotionally charged.

Homemade rice flour tortillas. Delicious and gluten-free. Quite the change from what used to make me congested, inflamed, and ill before. I'll take it!
Homemade rice flour tortillas. Delicious and gluten-free. Quite the change from what used to make me congested, inflamed, and ill before. I’ll take it!

Convert Terrified into Ready, Willing, and Able

I mentioned struggling to launch our Total Health track until my husband and I created a list of tiny steps to take to inch forward. Some only took me five minutes. But the more tiny steps I took, the more forward momentum I gained, and the more confident I became.

You, too, can turn terrifying into “ready, willing, and able”. Please share in the comments whatever you’re struggling with. Our readers have plenty of unique experiences. And as part of a change community, we’d love to help.

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How to Face Discomfort to Grow

The only thing I wanted to experience last Friday was the anonymity and peaceful comfort of the rainy urban woods. Ajax and I took our 24th ramble of the year through Ravenna and Cowen Parks. Following a recent dream in which I got hopelessly mired in mud, I’ve come to recognize the necessity of struggle. That doesn’t make it any easier to face discomfort to grow.

Mud, mud, mud everywhere. Not only did Ajax and I have a muddy ramble, but since then I dreamed of getting stuck in the mud. While I don't fully understand dreams, I do know my subconscious is hard at work at night trying to help the rest of me.
Mud, mud, mud everywhere. Not only did Ajax and I have a muddy ramble, but since then I dreamed of getting stuck in the mud. While I don’t fully understand dreams, I do know my subconscious is hard at work at night trying to help the rest of me.

Loss

The past three years have been physically and emotionally challenging. Uncomfortable. Painful. As a trainer familiar with physical challenges, I’ve thrown everything into recovering from a broken right wrist. Now that it’s healed, I have to confront the emotional rollercoaster of midlife career changes, a pseudo-empty nest, and changing family dynamics, all while the world continues to feel angst around COVID.

Ajax enjoys a colorful mural at Cowen Park while helping me to grow past discomfort.
Ajax enjoys a colorful mural at Cowen Park while helping me to grow past discomfort.

But life is all about struggle and change, right?

That doesn’t mean we have to enjoy it. Or can we?

Pre-pandemic

Prior to March 2020, I was heavily involved in our community. I used to help at Mary’s Place, shelve books at the local elementary school library, lead outings for the Seattle Mountaineers, and volunteer weekly at Woodland Park Zoo, in addition to working 20-30 hours a week at my company. We also traveled internationally every other year.

The pandemic changed everything. I’m sure it has for you, as well. What have you given up? What would you take back, if you could only summon the courage to retrieve it?

Dense clusters of pine cones. Have you hugged a tree recently?
Dense clusters of pine cones. Have you hugged a tree recently?

Present-Day

Right now, nearly all of my coaching remains virtual. I’ve retained two volunteer positions, one on Write On the Sound‘s steering committee, and the other writing a quarterly column for the Mountaineer Magazine. If we travel, we’ve been driving, until our debut flight to Texas last November.

It is no wonder that I’m feeling anxious about two upcoming airline trips. One, solo, will be to visit family in early April. The other will include birding in Arizona with my husband and a few friends, several weeks later.

I can count solo trips I’ve taken in the last three decades on one hand. And we’ve never flown to bird with friends. Both represent new challenges that will push me way outside of my comfort zone.

I found myself looking for the solace of trees, even on a gloomy wet afternoon in March. Was this the dark night of the soul? Did I need to get totally mired in mud in order to move forward?
I found myself looking for the solace of trees, even on a gloomy wet afternoon in March. Was this the dark night of the soul? Did I need to get totally mired in mud in order to move forward?

Patience Around Fear

I know I’m doing challenging emotional, spiritual, and psychological work, but part of me feels like it’ll never be fast enough. Susan Jeffers, in her book, Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, writes, “Patience means knowing it will happen . . . and giving it time to happen.” Is there something in your life that you know you have to change but wonder if it ever will?

Part of me feels like I’ve already spent plenty of time. But just like grief, which has no limit or expiration, facing fear has no limit or expiration, either. As a good friend recently reminded me, “Be the buffalo.” It would seem that the faster you tackle it, the sooner the discomfort will be over.

But man, sometimes it is JUST. SO. HARD. Sound familiar?

According to Jeffers, “The only way to get rid of the fear of doing something is … to go out and do it.”

The author and Labraheeler Ajax enjoying a rainy ramble in Cowen and Ravenna Parks.
The author and Labraheeler Ajax enjoying a rainy ramble in Cowen and Ravenna Parks.

So this spring, I bravely face the future, knowing that I have tremendous support, a capable mind and resilient body, clients and readers who cheer me on, and a message to share.

Don’t just dream it, LIVE IT.

If we rest on our laurels, choosing only what’s comfortable every day, we’re simply existing. And I don’t know about you, but I want to reach the finish line for the second half of my life without any regrets. I don’t want to just coast.

Embrace and Face Discomfort

Things we accomplish easily don’t feel as meaningful or as important as those that we agonize over. In the world of writing, deep in every story comes “the dark night of the soul.” It’s the point at which the hero feels like all is lost. Hope is gone. There’s no point in going forward.

Have you ever felt your time is out? Like the sun is setting on your dreams and you may as well give up? You are not alone.
Have you ever felt your time is out? Like the sun is setting on your dreams and you may as well give up? You are not alone.

No way can I become a wellness coach. It’s way too scary. May as well just keep doing what I’ve been doing.

But close on its heels, the other famous storyline whispers in my ear: The heroine can never return.

Pre-COVID life is gone. For good.

All we can do is charge forward into the future.

Something has shifted. I joke with my critique partners that I’m still waiting for my story arc before I write my memoirs. Could this be my arc?

Cliches race through my mind: One step at a time. Rome wasn’t built in a day. If you’re not failing, you’re not trying hard enough. Nobody is perfect. And suddenly, hope returned.

The beauty of trees, their strength, and their stamina keep me grounded and centered. Oh, to be as strong and confident as a tree.
The beauty of trees, their strength, and their stamina keep me grounded and centered. Oh, to be as strong and confident as a tree.

I like to think of myself as courageous, having survived natural childbirth unmedicated and three reductions on my wrist that hurt far worse than the break itself. Launching our new Total Health Coaching track has me terrified. Who do I think I am? But, here we go.

Challenge Yourself To Face Discomfort

Think about the changes you’ve faced in the past three years. Have you resumed most pre-pandemic activities? Have you fallen into a small world of comfort? When was the last time you voluntarily accepted challenges?

How might you challenge yourself to get outside of your comfort zone? Maybe you have a fear of public speaking. Can you find a Toastmasters group or start with a small Zoom workshop? If you are afraid to ask questions, perhaps you can set a goal to ask one question every day. When you find yourself putting up obstacles, or using the phrase, “Yes, but…” can you replace it with the more empowering, “Yes, and…”?

What wonderful thing would you have in your life... if only you could get face discomfort? DO IT!
What wonderful thing would you have in your life… if only you could get face discomfort? DO IT!

I challenge you to pick a challenge for this spring. It can be small or big, your choice. My Active Ajax Adventures was a project I knew I’d enjoy, but I wouldn’t call it a challenge. Flying to Arizona and North Carolina are challenges, but I know I can do them.

Launching a new branch of my business? Terrifying. Let’s see how many mistakes I make and what I can learn from it. Who knows, it may be the best thing I ever do.

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What Matters Most: How to Remind Yourself

Following a wonderful ramble with a friend on Friday, I got some upsetting news over the weekend. But with snow in the forecast, I tried not to let it derail me for more than a few days. In this post, I share a few strategies for remembering what matters most so we keep making forward progress, inch by inch, even during the most challenging times.

The Olympic mountains as seen from Edmonds on a clear Friday morning in February right before the snow hit the Pacific Northwest.
The Olympic mountains as seen from Edmonds on a clear Friday morning in February right before the snow hit the Pacific Northwest.

Shape Your Environment

Whenever we want to change a habit, the easiest way to do so is to alter our environment to support our goals. For example, if your goal is to reduce systemic inflammation and the habit you want to build is staying hydrated, you might set an action item to drink two liters of water every day. Try filling several water bottles and leaving them everywhere so they’re easy to grab.

Place one at your desk. Keep one in your car. Put several in the refrigerator to chill. Store one in your backpack when you go for a hike or head to the gym for a workout. If you want to make your hydration habit more fun, consider purchasing a “motivational water bottle.” Such gimmicks work because they tap into your playful inner child who WANTS to see the bottle change when it’s empty, even though plain water may not be your favorite.

Ajax enjoys our early rambles as much as I do, even when it's cold.
Ajax enjoys our early rambles as much as I do, even when it’s cold.

Another way to shape your environment is to place sticky notes with “DRINK UP” all around the house to remind you of your goal. Whenever your eyes land on one, find the nearest water bottle and take a sip. You can also set alerts on your phone or watch so that whenever they buzz, you chug. Any other favorite drinking games? Include them!

Create a Rough Schedule

When overwhelm threatened to shut me down, I made a list of things I wanted to finish. I’m aware that my lists are always impossibly long, and I’m working on that. This time, I starred the items I NEEDED to complete. Tasks with set deadlines like client work. Items I’d promised I would do. Things that were important to me in terms of my values and priorities.

Once I narrowed the list down to the nine highest-priority items, I assigned the approximate time I would need to complete each one. Note that times assume I’m paying complete attention, not multitasking.

The brilliant colors reminded me of October, not February.
The brilliant colors reminded me of October, not February.

Assign Time Allotments for What Matters Most

You may have your own unique strategy for making lists. My husband likes to put open boxes or bubbles next to items that he fills when he’s done. My list looked something like this:

  • Client revision in 15 minutes Due Tuesday
  • Client summaries for 15 minutes Due Tuesday
  • Practice 3 songs on the piano for 10 minutes
  • Complete one online lesson in 20 minutes
  • Write one assignment for 15 minutes
  • Work on the landing page for our new website for 30 minutes
  • Choose 8 pictures for Blog 81 for 20 minutes Due Tuesday
  • Walk Ajax for 30 minutes
  • Write, edit, and submit 8 pages to the critique group ??? Due Friday
We created Paradise (pair of dice) in our front lawn. This was a deliberate, planned sculpture that we failed to make in December during the deep freeze, so we tried again.
We created Paradise (a pair of dice) on our front lawn. This was a deliberate, planned sculpture that we failed to make in December during the deep freeze, so we tried again.

Include Wiggle Room

Barring interruptions (like sneaking in a few games on my phone) and adding half an hour for dinner, I realized I could complete most of my tasks. I did the items that were due that day first and gave myself permission to post my blog a day late. As long as I did something to move it forward, I was okay with that.

The creative writing assignment was my “big unknown.” It’s “important (to me) but not urgent.” Knowing my process, however, I wanted to get a draft done so I could let my subconscious work on it overnight. After spending several hours on it in the evening and an hour the next morning, I got it done. That left this blog post.

Sometimes what matters most is having fun. Lounger was a spontaneous "shove some snow against the tree and see what it looks like" creation. Not my best but then again, I didn't set out to make anything specific. I let the snow tell me what it would be. Sometimes allowing spontaneity is useful.
Sometimes what matters most is having fun. Lounger was a spontaneous “shove some snow against the tree and see what it looks like” creation. Not my best but then again, I didn’t set out to make anything specific. I let the snow tell me what it would be. Sometimes allowing spontaneity is useful.

The takeaway: For me, the simple process of prioritizing items and assigning time stamps helped me to accomplish far more than if I’d only had a vague idea of what I wanted to get done. Write it down. Plan it out. “A failure to plan is a plan to fail” certainly appears to be true.

Get Support for What Matters Most

In addition to shaping your environment, making a list of top priorities, and assigning approximate time values to your tasks, it’s important to find appropriate support. That might be from a coach, a friend, a relative, an accountability partner, or even a support animal. My monthly walk-and-talks with a writing friend remind me to continue to expand my world, not only with Ajax but also with the people who are most important to me.

The American robin is so common that we don't take them for granted. When was the last time you studied a simple bird in brilliant light? Against a clear blue winter sky, the red breast of this robin on top of a tree really popped.
The American robin is so common that we don’t take them for granted. When was the last time you studied a simple bird in brilliant light? Against a clear blue winter sky, the red breast of this robin on top of a tree really popped.

Do you have any helpful tips for readers about shaping your environment to support your goals? How about creative strategies around keeping lists? Share them in the comments so we can all learn.

Featured

Power of Yet: How To Use It to Move Forward

Do you have specific areas in your life where things are going great and others where you feel stuck? Me too. On today’s ramble with Ajax, I got caught in hail and started thinking about Mother Nature mirroring the indecision swirling inside of me. This week’s post boils down to a single word to keep you moving forward: the power of yet.

Mt. Baker from what I call the "Cedar Park stairs" in north Seattle on a beautiful evening in February. If you have a summit (read: goal) you are striving for, keep at it. The only way you won't reach it is if you quit. Therein lies the power of yet.
Mt. Baker from what I call the “Cedar Park stairs” in north Seattle on a beautiful evening in February. If you have a summit (read: goal) you are striving for, keep at it. The only way you won’t reach it is if you quit. Therein lies the power of yet.

How to Use Yet Instead of Now

This simple three-letter word carries enormous weight. Especially if you struggle with a fixed mindset. Where I suffer from a fixed mindset is around marketing and technology. While I take baby steps forward, sometimes I want to give up. Sound familiar?

If you frequently catch yourself using phrases such as, “I can’t do this,” “I’ll never figure this out,” or “it’s impossible,” stop thinking of now. Rewrite your statement using the word yet and see what happens to your physiology, mental outlook, and overall mood.

Whitehorse and Three Fingers seen from northeast Seattle on a clear February evening.
Whitehorse and Three Fingers as seen from northeast Seattle on a clear February evening.

Carol Dweck’s Ted Talk

In her ten-minute Ted Talk, Carol Dweck introduces the power of yet in her research on mindsets. She says that by using the word yet instead of now, we signal to our brains that whatever we’re struggling with is worth working for. Fortunately, we can build a growth mindset just like we can develop strong legs or biceps.

Ramble Power

I originally created my ramble project with Ajax to explore mindfulness, learn to be more fully present, and experience joy in tiny moments. Add to that my ongoing coursework with Precision Nutrition and I have added to my Big Why: I want to grow a growth mindset and rewrite my personal narrative to reflect more positivity and optimism.

A tall order that’s difficult to quantify — not like “eat three servings of veggies” or “walk ten thousand steps a day.” But it’s what I’m trying to wrap my head around. One ramble at a time.

Decorative grass on the way back from the Jackson Park perimeter walk.
Decorative grass on the way back from the Jackson Park Perimeter trail.

Changing at Glacier Speed

Recent rambles have provided me with insights into my community as well as ample reflection time. Sometimes I joke that I move at “glacier speed.” And I’m referring not to hiking, but to change.

I appreciate the value in challenges, mistakes, and putting myself in uncomfortable situations to grow. But I do so very slowly. Until one day, like a glacier dam releasing a powerful torrent of water, I take off and am unstoppable. It just hasn’t happened. Yet. See how I did that?

One of three colorful murals outside the Cedar Park Elementary School.
One of three colorful murals outside the Cedar Park Elementary School.

Fortunately, I love my ramble project. Ajax and I have been on 22 rambles and it’s not yet March. For me, physical goals are familiar and comfortable. I’ve been creating physical programs for clients for nearly 25 years. But if I could use strengths in a familiar area to help me grow in areas of weakness, would that work?

Albert Davis Park, a playground near Lake City Library. My guess is this fire might have been started by the homeless using the play structure as a windbreak to cook their food. I've seen them do the same thing at a bus stop.
The play structure at Albert Davis Park is currently closed due to fire damage.

Rambles A-I

Highlights from our most recent adventures include:

  • Albert Davis Park Located near the Lake City Library, this small community park includes a mural, benches, and a play structure that is currently closed due to fire damage.
  • Bitter Lake Reservoir Open Space has an exercise course, a wonderful play structure, and a community garden. Not a big fan of all the dog feces.
Ajax sniffs at the base of what I call the "Cedar Park stairs" at the corner of 135th NE and NE 42nd in Seattle.
Ajax sniffs at the base of what I call the “Cedar Park stairs” at the corner of 135th NE and NE 42nd in Seattle.
  • *Cedar Park Two blocks east of the school, we found fantastic views of Mt. Baker (10,786′), Whitehorse Mountain (6841′), and Three Fingers (6858′) to the north. I stumbled across the 176 stairs one afternoon when I didn’t have my camera, so on another clear evening, we returned for some breathtaking photos of the mountains.

Rambles J-Z

  • Jackson Park Perimeter Trail 2.2 miles of trail circle the Jackson Park Golf Course in the Thornton Creek Watershed. Unfortunately, a contingent of homeless folks has made sections of the trail feel trashy and unsafe. By staying on the street and sidewalk north and east of the park, you can avoid the worst of the garbage. The city hasn’t found a solution to keep it natural and clean. Yet.
On a recent ramble around the Jackson Park Perimeter trail, I shot a picture of my shadow and the light-rail construction. I continue to be amazed by how beautiful the golf course is while the surrounding area has become a garbage dump.
On a recent ramble around the Jackson Park Perimeter trail, I shot a picture of my shadow and the light-rail construction. I continue to be amazed by how beautiful the golf course is while the surrounding area has become a garbage dump.
  • *Licorice Fern Natural Area A ravine south of Jackson Park Golf Course, east of a community pea patch.
  • *Llandover Woods Greenspace A remarkably dense, quiet, wooded area with lovely birdsong. It includes a narrow view of the Olympic Mountains above some stairs on what’s referred to as the “south loop.”
  • South Woods Park Just south of Shorecrest High School. We took refuge from today’s hail until it turned to rain.
Llandover Woods at noon on a beautiful winter weekday.
Llandover Woods at noon on a beautiful winter weekday.

Power of Yet in the Licorice Fern Natural Area

Of all the recent rambles 15-22, our Licorice Fern Natural Area outing impressed me the most. We headed down a dead-end street to explore and spotted a trailhead.

The Licorice Fern Natural Area starts off with maintained boardwalks but we quickly found ourselves getting sucked into mud when several of the bridges collapsed.
The Licorice Fern Natural Area starts off with nicely maintained boardwalks. Yay, a new area to explore!

The neighborhood community created a website for the area, last updated in 2019. From the looks of it, that’s probably when they last maintained the trail.

A New Challenge

Something about the overgrown nature of the area made me grin. I have never gotten as disoriented inside the Seattle city limits as I did on those game trails. Awesome! Until I nearly lost one of my shoes to the slurping mud.

We finally bushwhacked upslope and found ourselves in an alley. I felt a tiny smidgen of what contestants on the History channel’s series, Alone, must feel when they arrive in the middle of nowhere to survive by themselves for as long as they can.

Power of Yet: How To Use It to Move Forward
The trail quickly deteriorated until it dead-ended at a collapsed bridge. The game trails didn’t lead anywhere and we finally headed straight up.

Return to the Power of Yet

And so, we return once again to where we started: with the single word yet. I entered the natural area expecting one thing and got something else. We got completely turned around. And when we emerged, we’d been scraped by blackberry vines, Ajax was coated in mud, and I’d gotten utterly confused. But I never thought, “I can’t.” Could I use “Licorice Fern” as a metaphor for change?

Change means we become different people. These rambles remind me of how confident I am in some areas of my life, such as photography, writing, physical movement, and coaching. I am not as confident in others, such as parenting a teen, big life changes, marketing, and technology. Yet.

The Licorice Fern area will serve as my metaphor for change. The power of yet is strong.
The Licorice Fern area will serve as my metaphor for change. The power of yet is strong.

I remind myself that I am and always will be a work in progress. I can embrace opportunities for growth and learning. Just like I dove into Licorice Fern without knowing anything about it. I can embrace change, and work to change yet into now.

What is your experience with fixed and growth mindsets? If you have insights that you’d like to share about your experience with the word yet please share them in the comments so we can all learn.

Featured

How to Expand Life One Outing at a Time

I won’t lie: last week challenged me in unexpected ways. I have been trying to move forward since my daughter started college six months ago. Since she’s merely fifteen minutes away, I feel like I take five steps forward only to retreat two steps back whenever she comes home. This weekend I took a leap of faith and planned an outing with a friend before I knew my daughter’s plans. I am determined to expand life one outing at a time.

In an attempt to expand life, I visit thousands of snow geese and trumpeter swans in the Skagit Valley at dawn with the Olympic Mountains in the background.
In an attempt to expand life, I visit thousands of snow geese and trumpeter swans in the Skagit Valley at dawn with the Olympic Mountains in the background.

The Skagit Valley Birding Invitation

Five of the things I love the most include movement, photography, wildlife, helping, and writing. Put them all together and bingo, a blog is born. I also love my family, and since my daughter comes home on weekends, I feel obligated to stick around whenever she visits. A friend invited me to bird with her in the Skagit Valley an hour north of Seattle. We’re gaining more birding practice for an upcoming trip with friends to Arizona in April. But when she mentioned wanting to bird all day, I gulped.

This would be the first all-day trip without my husband, daughter, or dog in more than three years. And on a weekend when my daughter was visiting. In November, my husband and I took eight days to bird in southeast Texas. So it’s not like I haven’t been away from her for an extended time. But something about this invitation challenged me in a new way. This was another step toward releasing the apron strings. Why is it so hard?

Expand Life: Enjoy a Skagit Sunrise

At 6:30 my friend promptly arrived and I sneaked out the front door, leaving my sleeping husband and daughter and a very unhappy dog. Ajax knows what it means when I put on my hiking togs, and he is always eager to join me. Not this time. I later learned that he complained loudly for quite a while after I left, waking up the household.

The view from the Fir Island Farm Estuary in the Skagit at sunrise, with a pair of bald eagles on the snag toward the left.
The view from the Fir Island Farm Estuary in the Skagit at sunrise, with a pair of bald eagles on the snag toward the left.

I felt quite emotional on the drive north. Shouldn’t I be the proper hostess for my daughter? Shouldn’t I be there to take her back to campus? Fortunately, I was able to talk through my difficulties with my friend. By the time we reached our first stop, I had a clear head and buoyed spirit. At the Fir Island Farm Estuary, the sunrise was spectacular. Snow geese, trumpeter swans, and waterfowl were plentiful, and people were few. I focused on my surroundings as Mother Nature helped me heal.

Contributing to Science on Ebird.org

One of several bright moments from the all-day birding trip was contributing to science. When I go with my friend or my husband, I let them record our bird sightings and report them on Ebird.org. This wonderful website is affiliated with Cornell University. Many thousands of bird enthusiasts can keep track of their observations online. Researchers and other birders can then track and learn where target birds are.

Yellow-headed blackbird (left) joins a red-winged blackbird (top) and house sparrow (right in flight) at a local feeder.
A yellow-headed blackbird (left) joins a red-winged blackbird (top) and house sparrow (right in flight) at a local feeder.

On this trip, we made a brief stop at a field where red-winged blackbirds, European starlings, and Brewer’s blackbirds were feeding. Through my 100-400 mm camera lens, I noticed a bird with a yellow head and chest. Definitely not one of the other three species. My friend immediately identified it as a yellow-headed blackbird, a bird I’d seen before, but a rarity for this time of year and location. We followed the YHBB (pictured left) to a nearby feeder where it joined house sparrows and red-winged blackbirds to enjoy breakfast. Score! I had proof of the rarity in the photos.

Expand Life: Watch Short-Eared Owls In Flight

Another memorable moment occurred in the early afternoon when we arrived at the Skagit destination called the “East 90.” The main road takes a sharp right turn, and it lies east of another sharp right known as “West 90.” Flying low over the field were at least half a dozen short-eared owls, one of my target birds for the day.

These little guys are open-country hunters, one of the few that can be spotted foraging during the late afternoon. My friend explained that she likes to plan birding outings with newer birders so that there’s a highlight toward the end. That way she’ll have company in the future. I smiled. That sounded like what coaches do in training sessions: we end on a high note.

Short-eared owl on farmland.
Short-eared owl on farmland.
A short-eared owl on the hunt.
A short-eared owl hunts for supper.

Memorable Moments

On our return drive to Seattle, I asked my friend a question that I grew up hearing often: what was your best or favorite moment? My husband and daughter hate questions like that. This time, I used her answer as a teachable moment. I rephrased my question: were there any memorable or takeaway moments from the day that stood out to her?

The Takeaway Challenge

I proceeded to mention my three to her: the spectacular sunrise, spotting the yellow-headed blackbird rarity, and watching the short-eared owls forage.

Something my parents recently mentioned came to me. It’s called their “penny jar project.” It’s an opportunity to expand their world post-COVID. Every time they explore a new neighborhood or try something outside their comfort zone, they add a penny to the jar. (To account for inflation I might suggest a “dollar jar…”) Once you accumulate enough money, you can put it toward something you enjoy to celebrate your courage.

How might you gamify your own challenges to encourage your success? I took on a playful challenge in January to create the Active Ajax Adventures project. I created my blog to have something positive come out of COVID time. And the birding trip coming up in April is helping me expand my world by taking birding trips to practice and prepare.

Another favorite, the Great Blue Heron.
Another favorite bird, the Great Blue Heron.

While agreeing to go on this weekend trip was a challenge for me, I definitely made the right decision. I have a life apart from my daughter, and it’s okay — no, necessary — to explore outside one’s comfort zone. It helps her, as well, to know that we are all trying new things, taking on new challenges, and growing.

If you have a new challenge you’re facing in 2023 and would like life coaching assistance, feel free to reach out to me at www.bodyresults.com or comment below. I’d love to help!

Featured

Nudge the Notch: How to Inch Forward

A well-known Buddhist saying goes, “When the student is ready, the teacher appears.” I must be on the edge of great change because teachers have been showing up everywhere during the past month. Instead of judging myself harshly, and seeing less-than-perfect as a failure, I’ve embraced the idea that I will always be a work in progress. No more pressure. Join me for photos from a Tiger Mountain ramble in January as we explore how to nudge the notch to reach your target.

Mt. Rainier on January 26 seen from W. Tiger 1. For much of the morning, we hiked in fog or clouds. W. Tiger 3 had a thin layer of snow that only increased as we continued to W. Tiger 2 and 1.
Mt. Rainier on January 26 seen from W. Tiger 1. For much of the morning, we hiked in fog or clouds. W. Tiger 3 had a thin layer of snow that only increased as we continued to W. Tiger 2 and 1.

Replace Binary Thinking with Nudge the Notch

In the past, I have had a tendency to see things as black or white, success or failure. Precision Nutrition teaches coaches to encourage clients to move along a continuum. This means that in order to get someone who drinks a ton of coffee, juice, or soda to switch to 64 ounces of water a day, the best way to get them to change is to encourage them to do one notch better.

Maybe they could move from a “1” (no water) to a “2” (eight ounces of water a day) by adding a bottle of mineral water to their workout. Or replacing one daily soda or coffee with eight ounces of water. Perhaps adding sliced lemon or lime to a water bottle for flavor will make it more palatable.

The westward view of the Olympic Mountains above a sea of clouds, seen from West Tiger 1.
The westward view of the Olympic Mountains above a sea of clouds, seen from West Tiger 1.

Nudge the Notch Examples

If you struggle to eat vegetables, are there any that you enjoy? Can you aim for one serving a day, such as tomato slices on a burger, diced and added to a salad, or served on the side of an omelet? If you are totally swamped at work and can’t find a minute to exercise, can you put on music and dance while doing house chores on the weekend? Maybe you could commit to ditching social media once a week to take a ten-minute walk at lunch. And if you are trying to write a book but life keeps getting in the way, could you set an alarm for a five-minute sprint to scribble a paragraph or two?

Halo effect on West Tiger 1. The sun was low behind me as I looked north into the forest on the top of Tiger Mountain. We can view logging as horrid, or we can enjoy the remaining beauty. How will you nudge the notch today?
Halo effect on West Tiger 1. The sun was low behind me as I looked north into the forest on the top of Tiger Mountain. We can view logging as horrid, or we can enjoy the remaining beauty. How will you nudge the notch today?

One Percent Better

This idea of moving along a continuum has been expressed in other ways. James Clear, the author of Atomic Habits, suggests doing 1% better each day. If you start with a goal of 5000 steps a day and add 50 steps (1%) every day, eventually you’ll reach the optimal 10,000 daily steps without having suffered any pain, strain, or struggle. You will have a far easier time succeeding on this type of program than if you never find a way to leave the office, or worse, label your goal as “too hard” and abandon it before you ever try.

Build Your Change Muscles

The beauty in using continuum and 1% thinking is “sneaking up on your goal.” Such thinking involves taking tiny chances. Trying small new things. Learning from tolerable mistakes. Taking one baby step at a time. These are ways to build those change muscles so you can do bigger and better things. My Active Ajax Adventures project is a form of continuum thinking. When I am unable to get out to the mountains every week, AAA gives me another way to focus on my six intentions. It has removed any lingering “should” thoughts so I no longer feel guilty if I can’t spare a day for a hike. Win!

A new bench at the summit of W. Tiger 1 near the Hiker's Hut. Just to the left of the hut is a new fence that bars access to a newly decommissioned trail. Instead, the Poo Top Trail diverts hikers south around W. Tiger 1.
A new bench at the summit of W. Tiger 1 near the Hiker’s Hut. Just to the left of the hut is a new fence that bars access to a newly decommissioned trail. Instead, the Poo Top Trail diverts hikers south around W. Tiger 1.

Continuum Project

So where have we rambled the last two weeks? In addition to Tiger Mountain, our project has taken me to local parks that include:

I continue to appreciate the importance of urban greenspaces, from the tiny 1-acre Little Brook Park set among multi-family apartments, to the forested Paramount Open Space with a small maze of trails. It’s hard to believe that the wonderful suburban area where we live was once covered with green spaces. I am so grateful to the cities for keeping these recreational spaces intact.

One of the strangest finds at Paramount Open Space - trees growing up through an old abandoned wheeled machine of some sort.
One of the strangest finds at Paramount Open Space – trees growing up through an old abandoned wheeled machine of some sort.
Another strange find that made me smile was a decorated bird standing on a log on one of the many maze-like trails at Paramount Open Space.
Another strange find that made me smile was a decorated bird standing on a log on one of the many maze-like trails at Paramount Open Space.

Nudge the Notch in Journaling

The final example of “nudge the notch” I will share is journal writing. As an avid diarist for over four decades, I’d love to introduce folks to journal writing. This January, I joined the International Association for Journal Writing in hopes that I could explore ways to incorporate journaling into my Body Results coaching practice. Fortunately, several clients are interested in exploring journal writing with me. Win!

I am a proud member of the IAJW.org. If you or someone you know are interested in learning more about journaling to get unstuck, I am more than happy to share what I know!
I am a proud member of the IAJW.org. If you or someone you know are interested in learning more about journaling to get unstuck, I am more than happy to share what I know!

Find Your “One Notch Better”

Life contains infinite shades of gray. You are not “good” or “bad” for eating foods that disagree with you. You have simply made less-than-optimal choices. And you are not a failure if you don’t consistently drink 8 eight-ounce glasses of water a day. By recognizing where we’re making incremental, “one notch better” progress, we can celebrate our successes, and do more of the good and less of the suck.

Here's my visual record of blogging in January, including a special appearance by my first guest blogger.
Here’s my visual record of blogging in January, including a special appearance by my first guest blogger.

Takeaway Challenge:

Think of a habit you want to change. What might ONE NOTCH BETTER look like for you? The goal here is to overcome inertia by taking that first step. Once you get momentum behind you and start building a new habit, it gets easier.

If you like, try what I call “gamifying” your intention. Use a playful approach to turn it into a game, akin to my Active Ajax Adventures. Embrace your inner child! I use stickers for anything I need to build momentum behind. Such as blogging at least one day a week. Then share in the comments a short report of what you want to do one notch better in February.

Featured

A Failed Perfect Plan: How To Reap the Rewards

By Guest Blogger Gerard Bonfils My June 2022 plan (note from the editor: Gerard is a MASTER planner!) was to hike 280 miles on the Pacific Crest Trail in northern California. I started training in late 2021 so that I would begin my trek in peak form. When not training, I spent hours learning everything about my route, preparing resupply packages with food and trail essentials, reading comments previous hikers had left about this trek, and plotting my daily mileage and potential camping spots. I felt great about my plan.  Then it completely fell apart before I even set foot on the trail… and I reaped the rewards of a failed perfect plan.

Preparing resupply boxes to be shipped by General Delivery to local post offices, or stores/motels along the way. These boxes are in fact for another long hike I would take later that year. For the June 22 hike, I only used half of the boxes I had prepared.
Preparing resupply boxes to be shipped by General Delivery to local post offices, or stores/motels along the way. These boxes are in fact for another long hike I would take later that year. For the June 22 hike, I only used half of the boxes I had prepared.

In Praise of Play-Doh and Legos

I approached planning the wrong way or, at least, in too narrow a way. After a series of pre-hike injuries, unusually late snowfall, forecasted storms, and forest closures, I could not execute my plan the way I initially built it. That was a blessing. I traded Excel for imaginary Play-Doh and Legos and made a “plan” I could, at any time, squish here, stretch there, remove blocks from, and then put back in a different way.

This new plan captured Intentions instead of laying down a rigid play-by-play of the whole 280 miles. Where I had previously focused on “crossing the finish line on D day”, I now focused on the experiences I wanted to have along the way: be fully aware while in nature, crave surprises, play with the elements, roam the land, cultivate self-sufficiency, and so on.

Heading north on the Hat Creek Rim, a stretch of 30+ miles without natural water sources. A local rancher generously built and regularly resupplies a water tank for the hikers on this section. No wonder such souls are called "Trail angels."
Heading north on the Hat Creek Rim, a stretch of 30+ miles without natural water sources. A local rancher generously built and regularly resupplies a water tank for the hikers on this section. No wonder such souls are called “Trail angels.”

A Cornucopia of Summits

My initial plan had only one finish line: complete the 280 miles, walking a 3-foot-wide trail. No wiggle room! With my new organic and flexible plan, I suddenly discovered many hidden personal summits. Showing up at the trailhead, my injuries not fully healed, was a summit. Completing 46 miles to my first resupply in the first 2 days was another. Successfully treating an impressive blister on day 3, a third. They kept growing.

Continuing my hike with a storm in the forecast. Getting lost and then found through a snowfield in the storm. Watching a bear cub run downslope toward its Mom. Keeping mostly warm and dry through rainstorms. “Running into” another hiker and walking a whole day together … more summits, or GAINS, than I could have dreamed of. So much to enjoy by LIVING the trail, not just FINISHING the trail.

Just a few feet off the trail, the resident wildlife is enjoying some people-watching in the form of an intermittent flow of huffing and puffing hikers. Note: Mom was close by and eyeing me with suspicion and a bit of fighting spirit in her pupils.
Just a few feet off the trail, the resident wildlife is enjoying some people-watching in the form of an intermittent flow of huffing and puffing hikers. Note: Mom was close by and eyeing me with suspicion and a bit of fighting spirit in her pupils.

Failed Perfect Plan: Smiling at Misfortunes

Blisters, storms, and getting lost: no, not everything felt like a blissful “walk in the park”. I even aborted my hike at mile 130 with fresh and debilitating injuries. Yet, even “in the moment”, I strove to embrace adversity with a smile. My first impulse was always something resembling the classic “Oh NO, why ME?”. Only when I made a habit of deliberately smiling or chuckling at the unwelcome turn of events did my luck change.

This little bubble of a tent may seem peaceful and reasonably cozy. Adding the soundtrack of the howling wind and the constant downpour on my refuge's canopy would make this feel a whole lot different.
This little bubble of a tent may seem peaceful and reasonably cozy. Adding the soundtrack of the howling wind and the constant downpour on my refuge’s canopy would make this feel a whole lot different.

Of course, my luck did NOT truly change, but my ability to gracefully accept the “bad hand” I was given greatly improved; I traded frustration for a playful spirit (challenge accepted, Lady Fate!) and cool-headed actions. Suddenly, as if by pure magic, I discovered ways around or through my woes. It only took a freeze frame, the very moment something went sideways, followed by a light-hearted assessment of the new reality.

After two and a half days of rain, the sun finally goes into drying duty. This is also a great time to sit down, munch on snacks, and release achy feet from their lugged prison, and rejoice at my good luck.
After two and a half days of rain, the sun finally goes into drying duty. This is also a great time to sit down, munch on snacks, and release achy feet from their lugged prison, and rejoice at my good luck.

The Highest Summit

None of the personal “summits” I tagged on that hike felt as rewarding as the first one: at the trailhead, my wife had taken a few pictures before driving 350 miles back home; I had started walking alone with no certainties about the journey forward: will my injuries flare and force me to give up? Will I reach 280 miles? Will I become hypothermic in the storm?

Little did I know, at the time, that I had already succeeded: I SHOWED UP! I had given it a truly honest “shot”. In the words of C. Bradford: “There is no failure except in no longer trying”. I was TRYING. And I would keep trying through that stormy June until it was no longer wise or safe to do so.

Had I not shown up, I would never have walked through this magic Christmas Tree Forest and received the gift of the last sunny spot Mother Nature offered me before letting the big faucet in the sky run unchecked for more than two days.
Had I not shown up, I would never have walked through this magic Christmas Tree Forest and received the gift of the last sunny spot Mother Nature offered me before letting the big faucet in the sky run unchecked for more than two days.

Failed Perfect Plan: Facing the Gap

After 130 miles, at the bottom of a 10-mile downhill, my ankles both simultaneously cried “Uncle!” This being a resupply stop anyway, I got a motel room and retired for the night. In the morning, both ankles had put on quite a bit of weight and raucously protested when I tried to walk. I had failed!

Yes, the thought quickly broke into the antechamber of my mind. I immediately pushed it away. I had gone as far as was reasonable, I saw wonders on the way, I found my way through many challenges, I met a new friend… This WAS a true success, and I felt happy and at peace.

As I headed for what would be the last stretch of my hike, Mt. Shasta greeted me to the north. I spent the next two days at its base. The driver I hitched a ride with informed me that people died on the mountain the final night I had curled up in my tent waiting for the storm to pass -- a reminder of what matters most.
As I headed for what would be the last stretch of my hike, Mt. Shasta greeted me to the north. I spent the next two days at its base. The driver I hitched a ride with informed me that people died on the mountain the final night I had curled up in my tent waiting for the storm to pass — a reminder of what matters most.

Creating More Joy from a Premature End

At a standstill in a small northern California town for two days, unable to walk for long, I decided to explore the neighborhood in short bursts. I spent my time sitting in a café and answering questions from locals curious about the disheveled hiker; exploring the library for a few hours; getting a much-needed massage; and roaming the main street to look at storefronts or sit on a low wall for a while.

I eventually discovered a wonderful small park at the foot of Mt Shasta and tacked on another mile and a quarter to my trek… limping along slowly and stopping at every bench on the way. None of this was in my initial grand plan; all of it is now a joyful memory. All I needed to do for this trek was change the stories I told myself about what matters.

A failed perfect plan resulted in this leisurely and wobbly stroll through verdant Sisson Meadow Park as I nursed my swollen ankles and waited for my crew (aka my very supportive wife) to rescue me and bring me back home to start my full recovery. I had six weeks left before starting another trek, this time in Washington State. This time, I would reach the 280 miles mark.
A failed perfect plan resulted in this leisurely and wobbly stroll through verdant Sisson Meadow Park as I nursed my swollen ankles and waited for my crew (aka my very supportive wife) to rescue me and bring me back home to start my full recovery. I had six weeks left before starting another trek, this time in Washington State. This time, I would reach the 280 miles mark.

Editor’s note: I’ve been impressed by the thoughtful comments posted by Gerard Bonfils since we met on the Kendall Katwalk summer of 2021. I asked if he would like to share an honorary Guest Blog, and he graciously accepted the challenge. He describes his adventures in California on the Pacific Crest Trail during June, 2022, even tying in wisdom from previous blog posts. I hope readers enjoyed it as much as I did! –C. Schurman

Featured

How to Get Unstuck: Cultivate the Five Ps

Ajax and I recently visited a nearby neighborhood pea patch. I thought about all the effort it takes to cultivate a successful garden. Akin to what it takes to change something about ourselves. As I reflected on Brene Brown’s comments about how “We’re all doing the best we can,” my mindset started to shift. What happens when we cultivate the Five Ps: Patience, Practice, Paying Attention, Play, and Purpose?

We can use the gardening analogy on ourselves: by nurturing ourselves using the five P's, we can cultivate hope, health, and happiness.
We can use the gardening analogy on ourselves: by nurturing ourselves using the five P’s, we can cultivate hope, health, and happiness.

Cultivate Patience

Anything worth doing takes time and patience. We cannot prepare for an active adventure, raise a child, write a book, or create a new business overnight. Likewise, I cannot expect to make a smooth transition from eighteen years of parenting to an empty nest in a few months. Even though that’s what I feel should happen. (Oh, that cursed word!)

Reframing Shift

In a Precision Nutrition course I’m taking called SSR: Sleep, Stress Management, and Recovery, I’m learning about reframing failures and mistakes as important learning opportunities. What if we looked at daunting obstacles as challenges rather than roadblocks? Can we forgive ourselves for triggering episodes that cause guilt or shame? What would it feel like to think of them as the best we could do given the tools we had at the time? Instead of avoiding something because we’re afraid, can we embrace it as a way to grow, learn, and challenge ourselves?

The view from Seahurst lakefront park on Wednesday, January 18, 2023. I am using Active Ajax Adventures to help cultivate a new sense of balance.
The view from Seahurst lakefront park on Wednesday, January 18, 2023. I am using Active Ajax Adventures to help cultivate a new sense of balance.

The SSR course explains that when the demands of any obstacle outweigh the resources available to us, we get mired in “fight, flight, or freeze” and become stuck. But if we find a way to use all of the internal and external resources we have (including adequate sleep and the five P’s) we can better cope with the demands and move forward.

Takeaway: Glaciers are mighty forces, but the work they do is not inherently obvious until later. Likewise, patience will take us miles beyond frustration. We can actively work to cultivate patience on a daily basis, much like we would brush our teeth, exercise, or eat vegetables. Let’s quit “shoulding” ourselves so we can move forward with patience and grace.

Practice in Seahurst Park

Last week, I got some practice with patience. Ajax and I visited the Seahurst Ed Munro Park, also known as “the jewel of Burien.” It is a saltwater beach on Puget Sound with 3.5 miles of lovely hiking trails through beautiful forests.

As we explored the waterfront on a breezy, chilly, overcast day, I found myself thinking of my daughter. This triggered anxiety, which caused me to become impatient with Ajax, who loves to sniff everything. The whole point of these rambles is to connect with him, not yank him along beside me.

Ajax enjoys a trail in Seahurst Park.
Ajax enjoys a wooded trail in Seahurst Park.

For some unknown reason, the sound of the surf jarred me. But as soon as we found a dirt path that led deep into the woods, my mood improved. I recognized the familiar sound of birdsong. My breathing and heart rate slowed. Ajax loves the woods and the beach equally, as long as he’s with me. However, I’ve learned that I prefer the peaceful beauty and solitude of moss-covered trees.

Takeaway: Practice listening to your body and mind. They ask for what they need. And if you are not in a position to give it to yourself, make a point of setting aside time at lunch, in the evening, or on the weekend to practice.

Pay Attention in Northacres Park

In addition to frequent practice, it helps to pay attention, a practice known as mindfulness. On a recent sunny walk to the Jackson Park Golf Course, I spotted a dog that Ajax doesn’t like. Instead of risking confrontation, we headed toward Northacres Park. But it meant crossing busy Interstate 5, something we don’t do on foot.

Once we reached the off-leash area, I could still hear the din of cars racing by on the freeway a hundred yards away. I could see varied thrushes, robins, and woodpeckers hopping about. But I couldn’t hear them until we left the park and got half a mile away from the freeway. Once I heard chickadees and towhees singing, I felt my jaw unclench. I could once again observe my surroundings and enjoy the peaceful sounds around me.

Ajax plays with a Golden Retriever at the Northacres off-leash dog park. Bigger dogs sometimes intimidate him; not today!
Ajax plays with a Golden Retriever at the Northacres off-leash dog park. Bigger dogs sometimes intimidate him; not today!

Takeaway: If you feel stuck, pay attention to where in your body you experience it. Is it in your throat? Your muscles? Or your mental faculties? Do you feel dull or sluggish when you’re usually quick and sharp? I think, create, and operate more efficiently with calm, quiet, or natural sounds. As Debbie Tung points out in her graphic novels about being an introvert, working in a large office would make it difficult to be productive.

Cultivate Play in Magnuson Park

This weekend I spent a few hours birding with a friend, without Ajax. As much as I adore our rambles, certain activities go better without him. Four of them include leading field trips, volunteering, scrambling, and birding.

Our goal was to enjoy each other’s company, but we had one target bird in mind: the Bohemian Waxwing, irregularly seen on the west coast. We detected 42 different bird species during the morning outing, including a single Bohemian in a flock of Cedar Waxwings.

Waxwings in a hawthorn at Magnuson Park. Bohemian (upper left) has more red on face and under tail, whereas cedars (lower right two) are more yellowish.
Waxwings in a hawthorn at Magnuson Park. Bohemian (upper left) has more red on the face and under the tail, whereas cedars (lower right two) are more yellowish.

Whenever I feel stuck, getting outside almost always helps. Whether it is the fresh air, a change of scenery, movement, or distraction, I’m not sure. Maybe all of the above. Watching birds forage for food, preen, or flap in puddles has a calming effect on me. Looking up at a huge cedar or Douglas fir does the same thing. If you find yourself spending more time on social media or YouTube than you’d like, grab your shoes and go outside. You might find yourself making headway afterward.

Takeaway: When parenting a college student, I’m learning the importance of keeping track of my own needs. We’d assumed that since our daughter’s roommate was going away for the weekend, she’d stay on campus. I made plans with a friend and I refused to break that commitment. The consequence of our daughter not providing enough notice means she might not get exactly what she wants. Hopefully, if it happens often enough it will teach her to change her habits.

Pull It All Together with Purpose

If we still feel stuck after trying our best to be patient, practice new skills, pay attention, and play, the final “P” is to remind ourselves of our purpose, or our why. We can set our intentions for the current obstacle, even if that is to struggle with grace and presence of mind. Or to ask for help.

This week I have been facing technology issues head-on, practicing breathwork, and allowing myself multiple chances to make mistakes and learn from them. I figure the more I goof on smaller things that don’t matter as much, the more skilled I’ll become for when it does matter. I could set an intention to be lighthearted and playful the next time I mess up, or set the goal of figuring out what it might teach me.

Bundled up for our exploration in Seahurst Park. I prefer the solace, comfort, and wisdom of moss-covered trees to the tumbling surf, especially if I can hear birdsong.
Bundled up for a ramble through Seahurst Park. I prefer the peacefulness of walking among moss-covered trees, especially if I can enjoy birdsong.

Takeaway: I’ve never dealt with an empty nest before. I’m going to make a lot of mistakes. If we can remember that we are not our mistakes, we simply make mistakes, then we can use them as our teachers. I know from the past year that I have physical resilience in spades. Now it’s time to cultivate mental resilience.

As always if something in this post resonates with you and helps you get unstuck in some way, I’d love to read about it in the comments. Joyward!

Featured

Ripple Effect: Tiny Changes Can Make a Powerful Impact

At the start of each new year, it’s tempting to make sweeping changes around work, home, relationships, food, and movement. Instead of tackling everything in your life that needs changing, start with one. Then watch the ripple effect as it impacts other areas of your life. My Ajax ramble project is doing exactly that.

A recent Active Ajax Adventure took my whole family to Meadowbrook on a sunny January afternoon. We even saw nineteen bird species!
A recent Active Ajax Adventure took my whole family to Meadowbrook on a sunny January afternoon. We even saw nineteen bird species!

Acting On An Intention

You may recall that my intention for 2023 is to have 52 unique Active Ajax Adventures this year. So far we have already visited eight unique parks in January. But what’s interesting about our experiment is noticing how making progress on one goal impacts others. What if you tried the same thing: setting an intention in one area and seeing what changes in other areas of your life?

My recent rambles with Ajax have taken me through the following parks:

Ajax on our recent Meadowbrook Pond ramble. A ripple effect from our rambles is finding more varied walks every single day.
Ajax on our recent Meadowbrook Pond ramble. A ripple effect from our rambles is finding more varied walks every single day.

Recent Rambles

So far, Ajax and I have logged 9 hours of “adventure time” on park walks ranging from 15-109 minutes. Seven we did by ourselves; the other we did with my husband and daughter. Weather conditions were sunny for two of them; the others were overcast or rainy.

Rainy Roanoke

Perhaps the most surprising ramble was following a mid-week Physical Therapy appointment. I’d intended to take Ajax with me to the arboretum, but I decided to go there someday that isn’t so rainy. Instead, we pulled over at the corner of Roanoke and tenth, parked directly across from U. W.’s Oceanography department, and wandered around in a hilly, scenic neighborhood I’d never visited before. Seeing Thomas G. Thompson, the UW’s research vessel, brought back memories of graduate school days.

The Thomas G. Thompson, a research ship affiliated with the University of Washington, sits across the bay in front of the Oceanography building.
The Thomas G. Thompson, a research ship affiliated with the University of Washington, sits across Portage Bay in front of the Oceanography building.

I have always considered myself to be a fair-weather adventurer. This ramble project is teaching me the value of going out in all weather, including downpours. I am discovering local sets of stairs; 80 steps lead up from Queen City Yacht Club to Roanoke Park. And we stumbled upon a downed Heritage Tree, a European white elm, which must have been destroyed in a recent wind or snowstorm as it still had yellow police tape around it.

Roanoke stairs, all 80 of them, lead up the hill from Queen City Yacht Club.
Roanoke stairs, all 80 of them, lead up the hill from Queen City Yacht Club.
A downed Heritage Tree in Roanoke Park.
A downed Heritage Tree in Roanoke Park.

Twin Ponds Park

Twin Ponds Park sits halfway between our house and a Shoreline grocery store I visit on occasion. On days when I’m pressed for time, I’ll take Ajax with me for a little outdoor stroll before I stop at Town and Country. Two of my favorite things about Twin Ponds are the enormous old-growth cedars such as the one pictured below, and winter waterfowl such as wood ducks, buffleheads, wigeons, and mallards.

Enormous cedars and waterfowl are fun to enjoy in winter at Twin Ponds.
Enormous cedars and waterfowl are fun to enjoy in winter at Twin Ponds.

Pinehurst Playfield

Our Pinehurst ramble was a bit of an accident. It started with a library walk and then, to take advantage of the fact that it was not rainy, I extended it to the area west of the neighborhood we visited on our Seven Libraries Ramble. Only, we overshot our objective and had to pick up this playfield to make the ramble count toward our 52. Cheating? Hey, the only rules for this project are the ones I make up for myself! The park itself is pretty ordinary, but I find the houses around it fascinating.

A metal rhino sculpture in the Pinehurst Playfield neighborhood made me think of my 8 years as a Zoo volunteer.
A metal rhino sculpture in the Pinehurst Playfield neighborhood made me think of my 8 years as a Zoo volunteer.

Meadowbrook Pond

The highlight of the first 15% of the project was a Saturday afternoon stroll with my dog, husband, and daughter around Meadowbrook Pond. The takeaway from that adventure was to bring a pair of binoculars as the season advances so I can watch for unusual birds. I also really liked having a pair of youthful eyes along with us. Our daughter spotted a Wilson’s snipe, a shorebird I’m not sure we would have seen otherwise. Bonus: we got our kiddo away from her screens!

Ajax carefully avoided the metal grating by the duck ponds.
Ajax carefully avoided the metal grating by the duck ponds.

Ripple Effect: Ramble Benefits

The biggest takeaway from these earliest rambles was observing what happens to my attention. When I am in a familiar neighborhood, I reflect on everyday problems. But in a new area, I focus completely on what’s around me. I’m also discovering:

  • Paying more attention during our rambles is carrying over to routine walks with Ajax. Now, we go on different routes every time we walk. I hadn’t realized how limited I’d become. How much of our lives do we exist on autopilot? If we don’t remember much about our everyday lives, what can we do to be more present and less numb?
  • On our walks and rambles, I’m noticing remodeled or renovated houses; homes painted unusual colors; interesting yard decorations; and landscaping changed since the last time we walked these streets.
  • Finally, I’m experimenting with setting intentions for each walk. Perhaps I pose a question to the multiverse and mull it over. Or, I take a photography prompt and look for multiple possibilities for my photography. What if we set an intention for every outing? How much more mindful and purposeful we could become!
Ripple Effect: Tiny Changes Can Make a Powerful Impact
A family adventure to Meadowbrook Pond, complete with binoculars and 19 bird species.

Biggest Ripple Effect? More Joy

The biggest ripple effect I’m experiencing from three weeks of rambling is … more joy in all areas of my life! I love being outside, and visiting new and different places with Ajax is doing exactly as I’d hoped. It’s allowing me to optimize the following:

  • Appreciate beauty
  • Connect deeply
  • Move frequently
  • Create abundantly
  • Improve lovingly
  • Challenge gently

And while our rambles have satisfied my desire and need to be outside, I very much look forward to returning to the mountains soon. If you have noticed any ripple effect from changing a habit in one area and seeing it carry over into others, share that in the comments. I love hearing from readers and I respond to each valid comment.

Featured

An Awesome State Fair Can Help Cultivate Creativity

During this week’s rambles through Hamlin, Roanoke, and Twin Ponds Parks, I found myself pondering creativity. Where do new ideas and interests come from? I reflected on my family’s visits to the Alaska and Washington State Fairs last September. My husband, my daughter, and I all got a very different creativity boost. To cultivate your own creativity, consider visiting an awesome state fair.

If you're looking for awesome creative inspiration, consider visiting the arts and crafts or hobby hall at state fairs.
If you’re looking for awesome creative inspiration, consider visiting the arts and crafts or hobby hall at state fairs.

Alaska State Fair

When we found out that the Alaska State Fair in Palmer was in full swing during our visit to Anchorage and its environs, we decided we could visit both it and the Washington State Fair when we returned to Seattle. What a great way to compare and contrast our visits two weeks apart.

Despite Alaska being the largest state in the country, the state’s largest fair sits on 40 acres in Palmer, AK, and draws 100,000 visitors every summer. Washington State Fairgrounds, by contrast, covers 160 acres and attracts over a million guests. Attendance at the Texas State Fair (the biggest fair in the US) boasts over 2.5 million people. While such stats are interesting, I prefer to consider the exhibits and entertainment at each.

A 4-H contestant shows his steer. We were particularly interested in the tennis ball toppers on the steer's horns.
A 4-H contestant shows his steer. We were particularly interested in the tennis ball toppers on the steer’s horns.

Excellent Exhibits

Alaska State Fair boasts some of the most enormous vegetables I’ve ever seen. Alaskans must put long days of summer sunlight to good use. The award-winning pumpkin in 2022 weighed a whopping 2,147 pounds. And I couldn’t even begin to guess what the gigantic Puffball weighed. It looked a bit like marshmallow fluff that had been sitting out for too long.

This award-winning pumpkin weighed a whopping 2,147 pounds.
This award-winning pumpkin weighed a whopping 2,147 pounds.
Giant puffball, weight unknown.
A giant puffball of unknown weight.

We also enjoyed looking for seven “monster displays” made from flowers and shrubs. The fairgrounds perch between some of the most beautiful mountains in the world. Sure, you can see Mt. Rainier (14,411 feet) from Puyallup, WA on a good day. But compared to the Alaska mountain ranges, our Cascades seem to resemble the “mountainettes” of Asheville, NC where my folks live.

One of seven greenery "Monsters" families could look for.
One of seven greenery “Monsters” families could look for.
Stunning Alaska mountains in September. I must return.
Stunning Alaska mountains in September. I simply must return.

A Day of Entertainment

In addition to great exhibits, we enjoyed no end of entertainment. The last time I’d watched a live Lumberjack show was over a decade ago in Vancouver, BC. While the jokes felt a bit tiresome, the competitors demonstrated remarkable athleticism. We watched Kenai Peninsula pigs race. Our daughter visited the Mineshaft Mobile Gem Mining Adventure cart and added more gems to her collection. I drooled over the spectacular mountain scenery. And we learned more about metal print nature photography. Special thanks to Dan Twitchell of Wild Alaska Art for answering our questions.

Wild Alaska Art had a booth displaying metal prints. Twitchell's images POPPED in a way we hadn't seen before. We immediately saw the promise for some of our own photography.
Wild Alaska Art had a booth displaying metal prints. Twitchell’s images POPPED in a way we hadn’t seen before. We immediately saw the promise for some of our own photography.

Washington State Fair

Two weeks later, we visited the Washington State Fair in Puyallup. Our first stop is always Hobby Hall to view the crafts, photography, quilting, food, and Lego displays. Then we meander among the animal barns, hoping to see the large mother pigs with their piglets.

Mama pig dozes while half her litter of piglets suckles.
Mama pig dozes while half of her litter of piglets suckle.

Legos

Our daughter has entered Lego creations at the Washington State Fair for the past five years or so. In 2021 she received “Reserve Grand Champion” for her Parisian Cupcake Cafe. This year, she entered an organic build of a Brooks Falls grizzly bear fishing in a waterfall. She came up with the idea by watching live bear cameras of Brooks Falls grizzlies catching salmon.

I have no words to describe her beaming face when she saw the “Grand Champion” ribbon next to her entry. She’d finally reached her goal to become the fair’s best builder, at the tender age of 18. Might judging be her next role?

Our daughter's Brooks Falls grizzly bear entry won Grand Champion in the 2022 Lego contest.
Our daughter’s Brooks Falls grizzly bear entry won Grand Champion in the 2022 Lego contest.

Quilling

After finding out that her Lego entry did so well, we wandered over to the paper-folding display to see about her Origami submission. She ended up competing against some beautiful quilled artwork. Quilling is the art of paper rolling and can take infinitely more dexterity, patience, and time than paper folding does.

Our new hobby interest from the Washington State Fair: Quilling!
Our new hobby interest from the Washington State Fair: Quilling!

An exhibitor had set up a display with instructions on how to start quilling. With great interest, we studied the shapes, looked at each other, and exclaimed, “That looks like fun!” The next day, I ordered a beginning quilling set. Within a week, my daughter had mastered enough rolling techniques to make a beautiful holiday card for my parents.

My daughter's early attempts at quilling. Add it to her strong abilities in painting and building, and she's got an unbeatable set of talents!
My daughter’s early attempts at quilling. Add it to her strong abilities in painting and building, and she’s got an unbeatable set of talents!

Novelty

A trip to a state fair invites you to explore or try something new and embrace being a beginner. Whether you are drawn to animals, carving, quilting, canning, photography, needlepoint, or making clothes, you can literally get inspired to try just about anything. Every time I go, I see, do, or learn something new. This year’s unique experiences included seeing pig races in Alaska and personally knowing a Grand Champion from Washington. Pretty special!

TRY THIS: The next time you go to a large public place, give yourself permission to do one thing you never thought you would. Perhaps something you’ve always wanted to but maybe you thought it was just for kids, or you were intimidated for some reason. Maybe you’ll choose to stay for a pig race when you usually just go for the music. Or see what animals are featured in the 4-H tent. Put on that beginner’s mentality and engage your inner child. Give it a try! You might find you like hunting for gemstones or seeking monster gardening displays!

Piglets waiting to race.
Piglets waiting to race.

Something for Everyone

I imagine there are plenty of people who go to a state fair for the scones, barbecued ribs, cotton candy, or caramel corn. We make one concession and sometimes get our daughter an ice cream on the way home — like we did this year to celebrate her accomplishment. Others may enjoy the midway rides, games, shopping, or live music. Our favorite fair-going activities include seeing the animals, viewing the arts and crafts, and wandering. My mother would be especially fond of people-watching. State fairs can spark whatever you are interested in.

For my daughter, Legos and paper rolling are natural interests. We also knitted a few rows at a “scarf station.” My husband was intrigued by some of the woodworkers. He found a new way to give thank-you and holiday gifts in metal prints. As for me? Yes, I do my photography and I’m experimenting with quilling. But my big creative boost is turning our adventures into stories, celebrating through words and photographs to motivate and inspire others. Triple-win!

You can count on me to come away with a few favorite photos of inspirational words, like this "Lessons from a Christmas Tree" China plate.
You can count on me to come away with a few favorite photos of inspirational words, like this “Lessons from a Christmas Tree” China plate.

Do you have a favorite state fair memory or moment you want to share? Write it in the comments below. I love hearing from readers.

Featured

Turn Emotions Into Motion: Six Tested Ways

This week, Ajax and I headed north toward Shorecrest High School, where our daughter graduated in June. I used to walk with her to school every morning when she was younger. As Ajax and I reached the 80-acre Hamlin Park just north of campus, I reflected on the curious question she asked us during a recent visit. My Active Ajax Adventures project may be just what I need to make it through this year, as I turn emotions into motion.

For the first time since June 2022, I walked by my daughter's old high school and found myself nostalgic for the many years we used to walk and talk together. Our trip to Hamlin Park helped me turn emotions into motion.
For the first time since June 2022, I walked by my daughter’s old high school and found myself nostalgic for the many years we used to walk and talk together. Our trip to Hamlin Park helped me turn emotions into motion.

A Curious Question

Sunday afternoon, she told us about getting “the blahs.” Did we have any tips for what to do when she lacks the motivation to do anything?

I remained quiet in the back seat, pondering the blog posts I’d written over the last eighteen months. Which of the many tips on getting unstuck would be most relevant for my teenage daughter? I try hard to avoid giving unsolicited advice. But this time, she’d asked.

Ajax poses with a downed root ball at Hamlin Park.
Ajax poses with a downed root ball at Hamlin Park.

Turn Emotions into Motion

Whenever you’re dealing with tricky emotions, the first suggestion is to get more physical motion. Sound familiar? I suggested leaving her dorm room for a short walk to Drumheller Fountain to see the geese. Or if it’s dark out, she could take a trip up and down the dorm’s ten flights of stairs.

Getting a change of scenery, clearing the mind, and doing something physical can help get the body and mind synched up and moving again. Not to mention providing feel-good endorphins that will bust any down mood!

TRY THIS: Picture the Superman stance, standing tall, hands on hips, and shoulders back. Putting yourself physiologically into this stance can change your state and make you feel ready to tackle the world.

Sensation

Another idea is to pay attention to all five senses. Doing so returns us to the present moment, rather than staying stuck in the past or worrying about unknowns in the future.

TRY THIS: Find three different things to touch, taste, smell, hear, and see, ideally on a walk from the Motion suggestion. Focusing on something other than your problems, even if it’s for a short while, is a great mood-shifter.

The green markings on this stump-turned-face caught my eye from far away. I had to get closer to check it out.
The green markings on this stump-turned-face caught my eye from far away. I had to get closer to check it out.

Hobbies

Our daughter loves art, building with Legos, quilling, painting, drawing, and playing flute. Sometimes engaging in a creative endeavor, even for a very short time, can provide momentum. My own include playing the piano, putting together a few pieces in the current jigsaw puzzle, journaling, reading a chapter, or doing a word puzzle on my phone.

TRY THIS: Next time you’re stuck and can’t figure out what to do next, DO SOMETHING, ANYTHING — preferably an activity you enjoy. Keep it short. Wash the dishes. Clean out your handbag or backpack. Put five items in their proper places. Write a letter. Spend five minutes doodling or coloring. Read a page or a chapter in a book. Motion generates flow and gets things going in your body, mind, and spirit.

A handmade quilling card my daughter created a few months ago.
A handmade quilling card my daughter created a few months ago.

Pomodoro

Set a timer for up to 25 minutes and commit to working on whatever you need to do until the timer rings. This Pomodoro technique is often suggested for students who are overly familiar with procrastination. After your time is up, reward yourself with 5-10 minutes to do something you enjoy. Be sure to set the timer again, so you don’t spend the entire day! Repeat this cycle of 25 minutes on the task and five minutes on something enjoyable until you complete the task.

TRY THIS: Remember the five-minute action? If you are a writer and can’t imagine setting aside 25 uninterrupted minutes, start with sprints for five minutes. Similarly, if you struggle to get in your workouts, commit to showing up and spending 5 minutes. If after five minutes you simply cannot continue, give yourself permission to stop. Often my clients report that they continue much longer once they get started. Breaking through the inertia is the hardest part.

A memorial bench decorated in holiday streamers. Taking five minutes to sit outside on a bench barefoot can improve your mood dramatically.
A memorial bench decorated in holiday streamers. Taking five minutes to sit outside on a bench barefoot can improve your mood dramatically.

Turn Emotions Into Motion: Personal Connection

Ask yourself when was the last time you had a conversation with a friend. Can you call or text a classmate or colleague to meet for lunch? Go somewhere public where you’ll run into friendly faces. The dog park, grocery store, or library works for me when I’m feeling isolated. Write a letter to someone you miss.

TRY THIS: Make a list of five people you’d like to connect with. Send one of them an email saying you’d love to get together and suggest a time. It’s quite likely the other person will be grateful you did!

Sunset on January 10, 2023.
Sunset on January 10, 2023.

Attitude of Gratitude

Finally, when all else fails, remember that this, too, shall pass. Look around your room at the things you have chosen to surround yourself with. The stuffed animal your grandmother gave you. A card a friend sent. The picture you spent hours working on that turned out just right. By practicing being grateful and appreciating the things around you, you can change your mood and your mindset.

TRY THIS: Make a list of ten things you are grateful for. Your dog. Your quirky nail polish. The A you got on your report. Grilled cheese and tomato soup. Thinking about all the things that are good lightens the hold of the current blahs. Now, take three deep soothing breaths and turn to whatever you need to do. Go to it!

Two mounted guns from the USS Boston, 1898.
Two mounted guns from the USS Boston, 1898.

Turn Emotions Into Motion in Hamlin Park

Ajax and I made our way around standing puddles and rivulets coming off steeper trails. But water droplets on the trees sparkled in the sunlight. Birds chittered happily in steaming woods. Yes, I missed my daughter. But these rambles with Ajax allow me to connect with parts of myself I don’t otherwise give myself time and space to acknowledge.

After each ramble, I return ready to work. What caught my eye this time? A 3-year-old black Lab named Bronx. Two large guns from the USS Boston, dated 1898, were mounted near the playground. A bent tree is pictured below. A stump painted green. And on our way back, steaming fences where the sun’s rays hit.

Turn emotions into motion. By paying attention to sensory details, I get out of my head and into my body. This helps ground and refresh me.
Turn emotions into motion. By paying attention to sensory details, I get out of my head and into my body. This helps ground and refresh me.

During our rambles, my senses come alive. I pay attention to things I don’t otherwise notice during everyday activities. Going on long walks with Ajax is like an invitation — permission — to move on. By heightening my awareness during our rambles, I find myself being more present on our daily walks. Something appears to be changing. And if I can turn emotions into motion and move forward, perhaps the strategies outlined above will work for my daughter as well.

Try them out. If you have comments, leave them for me below. I love hearing from readers.

Featured

Discovering My Big Why While Exploring Local Parks

In my last post, I mentioned starting a project dubbed “Active Ajax Tuesdays.” The goal is to explore 52 different outdoor venues with Ajax this year. I’ve renamed it to “Active Ajax Adventures.” Triple A is easier to remember. I promised myself I would not focus all of my next 52 posts on my weekly excursions. But I will use my project as a metaphor for getting unstuck and then share any discoveries. This brings me to today’s post on discovering my Big Why.

We visited six Little Free Libraries in our neighborhood. "Take a book, return a book" is the organization's slogan.
We visited six Little Free Libraries in our neighborhood. “Take a book, return a book” is the organization’s slogan.

Walks with Ajax

As background, over the past seven years, I figure I’ve walked my dog roughly 8,000 times (he’s 7.5 years old, so 3 times a day, 365 days a year, give-or-take for inclement weather, illness, or travel). If you repeat the same walk, it’s enough to drive anyone bonkers. For variety, we venture to the public library or nearest grocery store. And I’ve explored enough places in our neighborhood to know where all the Little Free Libraries, holiday displays, and active water fountains are. But I’m ready for the change this project will bring.

Seven Library Loop

On a cool, overcast Tuesday morning, Ajax and I headed out for what I call the “Seven Library Loop.” You won’t find it referenced anywhere. It’s a product of my own creation. It takes us past the Lake City Library in north Seattle and meanders past six community Little Free Library boxes. For this walk, we headed farther south than usual, through a neighborhood I rarely visit.

Our first Active Ajax Adventure of the year took us through Virgil Flaim Park, a local park where I used to take my daughter as a toddler.
Our first Active Ajax Adventure of the year took us through Virgil Flaim Park, a local park where I used to take my daughter as a toddler.

One of the parks we passed is Virgil Flaim Park. It boasts a playground and “skate spot” for skateboard enthusiasts. We meandered south toward Lake City Way and detoured down into the wooded ravine west of the heavily trafficked road so Ajax could get a drink of water.

On our first ramble, the best find that sparked joy was a handmade ladder leaning up against a marvelous big tree. I smiled as I remembered playing games outside as a child. Spud, Capture the Flag, Sardines, Flashlight Tag, tree climbing, and Red Rover were summer evening favorites growing up north of Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

A hand-hewn ladder leaning up against an enormous moss-covered, climbable tree near Lake City Way.
A hand-hewn ladder leaning up against an enormous moss-covered, climbable tree near Lake City Way.

Boeing Creek and Shoreview Parks

Our second ramble took us northwest to Shoreline’s Boeing Creek and Shoreview Parks. We had overcast, drizzly mornings for both urban walks, but that didn’t stop us. Hidden Lake is currently bone-dry except for a creek running through the middle. I vaguely recalled that the last time we visited in late summer, I had seen a community announcement about the lake being dredged in the future.

Hidden Lake is currently being dredged. One of the reasons I've enjoyed going to Shoreview Park is to see waterfowl on the small lake. Now that I know it is no longer there, I will put Boeing Park on my list for 2024 to see what the end of the restoration project looks like.
Hidden Lake is currently being dredged. One of the reasons I’ve enjoyed going to Shoreview Park is to see waterfowl on the small lake. Now that I know it is no longer there, I will put Boeing Park on my list for 2024 to see what the end of the restoration project looks like.

I had a second surprise. Ajax headed up a steep bank while I chose to traverse the stream bank. All of a sudden my left foot slipped and I landed in the icy January flow. Fortunately, this is not Alaska! As long as I kept moving, I was at no risk of problems other than a squishy shoe. I did, however, pay more attention to my footing for the rest of our trip. For future rambles, I will take note: If Ajax is wary, choose a different route.

Documenting mishaps only takes a quick snap of the cell phone. A picture is worth a thousand words; this one of my drenched left shoe will always put me back in Boeing Creek having missed one of the stepping stones!
Documenting mishaps only takes a quick snap of the cell phone. A picture is worth a thousand words; this one of my drenched left shoe will always put me back in Boeing Creek having missed one of the stepping stones!

Find Your Big Why: Ask Five Why’s

The biggest takeaway was the question: “Why would anyone else care about this?” It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks about your goal, as long as it ENERGIZES YOU, whatever your reasons may be. You are not setting intentions to please anyone other than yourself. I’ve spent most of my adult life worrying about what other people think. No more. This is a project for me and Ajax alone. But if what I learn can help others, awesome. It does bring up the question, however: “Why THIS project, now?”

Repeat Why Five Times

Enter the Five Why’s. As you reflect on your intentions, ask yourself, five times: WHY am I willing to devote the time, energy, money, and resources to do this thing?

Using the Active Ajax Adventures project as an example, my first answer was that I need some sort of long-term project to look forward to. Right now, my volunteer activities have pretty much disappeared, my daughter has left for college, my company is in transition, and I’m between big writing projects, lacking climbing partners, and facing mid-life. Seems like a great time to jump-start things.

My little adventurer in Boeing Creek Park. His big why is easy to identify: for the for the pee-mail pupdates, of course!
My little adventurer in Boeing Creek Park. His big why is easy to identify: for the pee-mail pupdates, of course!

Why does having a long-term project matter? Through it, I hope to discover some new things about myself, have creative adventures with my dog, enjoy nature, and explore my community.

Why do those things matter? Because they are part of my values. I feel alive and energized when I’m learning new things and connecting with nature.

Why is it important to feel energized? Because the alternative is numbing out or missing out.

My Big Why

And finally, I asked myself: why is it important not to miss out? The past is behind me and I cannot control the future, but I can take charge of what I do today. If I squander now, I’m wasting my one and only precious life. So, ultimately, this project is my way to explore mindfulness, learn to be more fully present, and experience joy in tiny moments.

Having recognized that the AAA project not only fits with my long-term values and provides me with a teachable tool for the year, I am even more committed to following through than when I dreamed up the idea less than a week ago. You can use the tool to get leverage on yourself in whatever project or goal you are currently undertaking.

A sign at Boeing Creek Park spoke to me. As parks and cityscapes change, so, too, is my inner landscape. Embrace change. Where can you use the Five Whys to your advantage?
A sign at Boeing Creek Park spoke to me. As parks and cityscapes change, so, too, is my inner landscape. Embrace change. Where can you use the Five Whys to your advantage?

As always, I welcome your questions, insights, or comments. Feel free to share the results of your exploring the Five Whys so we can all learn and grow.

Featured

How to Set Intentions for 2023

It’s a brand new year, a time when people often make resolutions. Not me. I set intentions. Remember an earlier blog post (May 2022) on reframing our self-talk? To me, intention, defined as an aim or plan, has a more positive connotation than resolution, defined as “to settle or find a solution to.” I want to surround myself with positive people and positive words. I am also replacing “I must,” “I should,” and “I will” with “I want” and “I choose.” Let’s explore how you might set intentions for 2023.

"Moments" is my keyword for 2023. That single word reminds me of what I want to commit to in 2023. I set intentions to be more present and to pay attention to tiny moments of joy, such as the spectacular sunrise on 1/2/23.
“Moments” is my keyword for 2023. That single word reminds me of what I want to commit to in 2023. I set intentions to be more present and to pay attention to tiny moments of joy, such as the spectacular sunrise on 1/2/23.

Move Toward Instead of Away From

James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, writes about moving toward something instead of away. Which are you? I confess: when people ask me what I want, I often say, “I don’t know, but I know what I don’t want.” Sound familiar?

This year, I have determined six things I want to do more of:

  • Appreciate beauty
  • Connect deeply
  • Move frequently
  • Create abundantly
  • Improve lovingly
  • Challenge gently

I can hear you now, probably referring to my post from last January. “But Court, those aren’t SMART goals. Where’s the Specificity? Metrics? Actions? Realism? Time-stamp?” Right. But I never called these GOALS.

When you feel like you're about to go under, jot down some of your favorite moments. This form of gratitude can give you a moment of peace and help you reframe your reality. How can you get more joyful moments into your days?
When you feel like you’re about to go under, jot down some of your favorite moments. This form of gratitude can give you a few moments of peace and help you reframe your reality. How can you get more joyful moments into your days?

Set Intentions Using Values

Think of INTENTIONS as values or principles that steer you through life. They are as much a part of us as sleeping, eating, exercising, and breathing. If you can remember what matters most to you at the foundational level, you can use those values to help you make decisions about what to include in your day. Once you know what you value, seek to include more.

The sixth intention, challenge gently, stretches me outside of my comfort zone. I remember the first time I went into Lake Washington on New Year’s Day for the annual Polar Bear Plunge. It was a challenge. Now it’s just a quirky, fun tradition, something I look forward to every January first. I trust that things I currently perceive as stretches will become more familiar and common with practice.

I start my year with my first set intention: taking the Polar Bear Plunge at Matthews Beach. This year the air and water temperature matched: 46 F. Thank goodness for hot tubs!
I start my year with my first set intention: taking the Polar Bear Plunge at Matthews Beach. This year the air and water temperature matched: 46 F. Thank goodness for hot tubs!

Active Ajax Adventures

My six intentions have culminated in a fun “moving toward” challenge. I call it “Active Ajax Adventures.” (AAA for short. I love my shorthanded acronyms!) These will look similar to Julia Cameron’s Artist Dates, only done with my dog. My chosen day is Tuesday, rain or shine. I will do something active with Ajax. This could be a hike in the mountains or a park. It could be “sniffer” training, or nose work, which he loves. We can do something shorter like visit an off-leash dog park. Or we can find new neighborhoods to explore on our walks. Something new and different every week. For us both. And something I look forward to. No dread.

Ajax on Tiger Mountain Trail New Year's Eve morning 2022. He absolutely loves hiking with me and I love giving him adventures. The "Active Ajax" idea came to me on our 8-mile hike and seems like a wonderful challenge for 2023.
Ajax on Tiger Mountain Trail New Year’s Eve morning 2022. He absolutely loves hiking with me and I love giving him adventures. The “Active Ajax” idea came to me on our 8-mile hike and seems like a wonderful challenge for 2023.

Combining Intentions

What is exciting about this project is it creatively combines all six intentions. By documenting our outings on camera, I will pay more attention to my surroundings (appreciate beauty) while also connecting with my dog. “Active Ajax” means (bonus!) I will be active, too. The “create abundantly” part will play into my choice of location and how I document our adventures. “Improve lovingly” means improving my mood, well-being, self-definition, and exploration of our region. Wins all around!

I’ve even given myself permission to shift by a few days if the weather doesn’t cooperate. If one of us is sick, or if I find myself over-committed on a Tuesday, perhaps Wednesday or Thursday will work better. The intention is to have 52 unique adventures with Ajax in 2023.

Appreciating beauty is one of my set intentions. Mossy logs covered in fungus on Tiger Mountain Trail, 12/31/22.
Appreciating beauty is one of my set intentions. Mossy logs covered in fungus on Tiger Mountain Trail, 12/31/22.

Set Intentions: Try This

Several weeks ago I wrote about using journaling to find your strengths, values, and priorities. If you have that list handy, pull it out. Now, from your list, choose three to six values that you want to focus on in the coming months. Reflect on those values on a few walks. See if some creative idea comes to you that merges all of them together like the Active Ajax example.

If not, that’s totally fine; think of how you can set an intention to get more of that value in your life. Instead of “lose twenty pounds” can you choose a “moving toward” goal like “play pickleball weekly with a friend” or “set a step minimum with a reward for succeeding”? The more playful, the better. And announcing your intention to someone who acts as an accountability partner also helps. I have all of my readers to hold me accountable!

Just one look at my beaming face when I'm out in nature is enough to solidify my commitment to Ajax. We both love it; I'm the one who makes it happen. So I'm setting intentions to document our adventures and share what we learn on this "intention" quest.
Just one look at my beaming face when I’m out in nature is enough to solidify my commitment to Ajax. We both love it; I’m the one who makes it happen. So I’m setting intentions to document our adventures and share what we learn on this “intention” quest.

If you have an unusual intention for 2023 or would like suggestions for how to make it more likely that you will follow through, share them in the comments section below. I love to hear from my readers and respond to each credible post.

Featured

How to Make Over Your Kitchen

Congratulations, you made it through the holidays. Perhaps you’re feeling a little overwhelmed with your recent choices. Ready to move forward? Pull out your Traffic Lights list of “green, yellow, and red-light” foods. Now is the perfect time to create a plan to make over your kitchen.

That includes getting rid of the four containers of mint chocolate chip ice cream you forgot you had stashed for emergencies. The fruitcake your aunt brought over and left behind. Bags of chips you bought on sale. Holiday leftovers well-meaning guests insisted you keep. If they’re on your “red-light” list, it’s time to say goodbye.

When you make over your kitchen, recognize that different members of your family may have different nutrition needs. Try to create a space where everyone will feel safe and supported.
When you make over your kitchen, recognize that different members of your family may have different nutrition needs. Try to create a space where everyone will feel safe and supported.

Make Over Your Kitchen: Get Started

The first step to getting a handle on your kitchen is to choose a small area to start with, especially if you get easily overwhelmed. Since we’re talking about edibles rather than dishes and cutlery, perhaps a good place to start is the pantry. The freezer. The refrigerator. The Lazy Susan. A shelf.

Whatever you choose to overhaul, pull everything out of the designated space. Everything. Scrub the area to signal to yourself that you’re starting over. Then go through every item and keep what supports you. Toss what does not.

Although Sourdough bread is on my personal red-light list, I no longer crave anything with gluten. Therefore, I can have bread in the house for my daughter for special occasions, without being concerned about having any.
Although Sourdough bread is on my personal red-light list, I no longer crave anything with gluten. Therefore, I can have bread in the house for my daughter for special occasions, without being concerned about having any.

What to Look For

Sometimes looking at a pile of stuff feels overwhelming. Next week, what if you need something you just got rid of? The following suggestions are things you’ll be better off without:

Foods Past Their Expiration Dates

The first time I got my daughter to help me, she found foods that had expired five or six years earlier. Ewwww. Food labels have expiration dates for a reason; you don’t want your food to make you sick. Toss them out.

Holidays are a unique time of indulgence and overeating, but you CAN make healthy choices again.
Holidays are a unique time of indulgence and overeating, but you CAN make healthy choices again.

Junk Food

We all have different definitions of what is green, yellow, or red-light food, but the following foods have no place in a healthy kitchen. The more food has been processed, the fewer nutrients it has. Remember that anything you have in your house is going to get eaten by you or a loved one unless you give it away or throw it out. These include:

  • Chips and Crackers
  • Candy and Chocolate
  • Sweetened drinks, including any with artificial sweeteners
  • Alcohol and mixers
  • Instant foods
  • Processed fats
  • Frozen dinners

Manufacturer Labels

Become a savvy consumer. Learn how to read food labels. If any of your remaining foods contain high fructose corn syrup, any form of sugar, hydrogenated oil, fractioned oil, or preservatives you cannot pronounce as one of the first three ingredients, get rid of it. If any foods in your “toss” bag are still edible and have any redeeming nutritional value, consider donating them to a local food pantry.

A place for everything, and everything in its place. Right before Christmas, I spent four hours doing a purge on my own pantry to support us through the holidays.
A place for everything, and everything in its place. Right before Christmas, I spent four hours doing a purge on my own pantry to support us through the holidays.

Red-Light Items

Anything that leaves you feeling sick, powerless, or craving more has no business in your kitchen. This gets tricky if you have multiple members of your household who can all eat different things. If it helps, add a label for who gets what, then stick to it, so you can be sure you’re not digging into that bag of chips at oh-dark-thirty when you know it will give you heartburn in a few hours.

Make Over Your Kitchen: How to Restock

Now that you have cleared your shelves, what can you eat? It’s time to make a list. Write down the foods from your “Green-light” list.

See if you can plan three meals’ worth first — one day — so you don’t panic.

Skewers are yummy any time of year. Such a meal allows participants to choose exactly what they want on their plate.
Skewers are yummy any time of year. Such a meal allows participants to choose exactly what they want on their plate.

Next, Precision Nutrition recommends that you start by choosing any three foods from the following categories and add them to your list – fresh or frozen doesn’t matter at this point:

  • Vegetables
  • Fruits
  • Lean proteins
  • Nuts/seeds
  • Whole grains (oats, quinoa, wild rice, brown rice, sprouted grain bread, amaranth, etc.)

Additional Guidelines

Keep the ingredients real. Choose whole foods over processed (an apple beats apple juice or packaged applesauce any day). Single-ingredient foods when possible. The fewer ingredients the better.

Add seasonal, organic, and local food items.

Avoid foods with “health benefits” labels like “fat-free”, “low-fat,” and “good for you.” An apple doesn’t need any such artificial labels.

Gluten-free cauliflower crust pizza with peppers and chicken. All ingredients I can safely eat. Yum!
Gluten-free cauliflower crust pizza with peppers and chicken. All ingredients I can safely eat. Yum!

Where to Go From Here

Once you have completely restocked your kitchen with good choices, you have a few remaining responsibilities:

  1. Enjoy the choices you’ve made
  2. Be vigilant about shopping – don’t go grocery shopping when you are “hangry” as those foods you just tossed out might sneak back into your shopping cart
  3. Explore new recipes, flavors, and combinations by befriending the spice drawer
  4. Cut, dice, chop, and prepare fruits and vegetables so they truly are “ready to eat.” There’s nothing worse than setting a good intention and finding out your crisper has become a rotter.
When you bring new foods into your clean space, have a plan for using them so you don't waste any. Here are the salsa ingredients for the fermenting fan in our home.
When you bring new foods into your clean space, have a plan for using them so you don’t waste any. Here are the salsa ingredients for the fermenting fan in our home.

And remember, every day you have new choices to make. By shaping your environment — not bringing trigger foods into the car, purse, gym bag or kitchen — you help yourself make healthier choices the next time you’re hungry.

Do you have any post-holiday tips for readers? Consider commenting below. We love hearing from our readers!

Featured

How to Journal to Determine What You Want

At the end of each year, many of us reflect on what went well and what we wish the coming year would look like. But what if we feel stuck and struggle to identify what exactly we truly desire? The journaling exercises below may help you determine what you want.

To determine what you want, think about what you are good at. A Whooper Swan in Monroe, January 2022.
To determine what you want, think about what you are good at. A Whooper Swan in Monroe, January 2022.

Determine What You Want: Your Strengths

One place to begin is to reflect on what your skills and strengths are. This includes the realm of work and your personality traits. Precision Nutrition offers a free “Learning Skills” assessment to help you understand how you learn. For a hundred years, the Johnson O’Connor Research Foundation has offered aptitude testing. They match you with the kind of work that capitalizes on your innate abilities.

You might also access the online Strengths Finder Assessment. It is based loosely on Tom Rath’s book, Strengths Finder 2.0. Write down skills and abilities others have mentioned in work evaluations. Include skills you use in hobbies, especially anything that causes you to lose track of time.

One of my favorite responsibilities at the Woodland Park Zoo was handing out browse to guests for the Giraffe Encounter. Not only did I get to learn more about these wonderful animals from the keepers, but I also got to be part of the visitors' joyful experience.
One of my favorite responsibilities at the Woodland Park Zoo was handing out browse to guests for the Giraffe Encounter. Not only did I get to learn more about these wonderful animals from the keepers, but I also got to be part of the visitors’ joyful experience.

Prioritize Your Skills

After you have compiled a list of 12-15 strengths, prioritize them so that you can see which ones you MOST want to use during a day’s work and which ones you could get by without. I always look for ways to include writing and editing in whatever I do, whether that means taking notes as my critique group’s secretary, sending my clients summaries of our Zoom conversations, or developing weekly blog posts. I seldom use my auditory or musical abilities in work, but I do love to play the piano.

As for weaknesses, I avoid technology unless I see the end benefit of working through frustration toward mastery. Back in August, 2021 I shared my seven-year journey to starting this blog. If you perform a job where your daily tasks never get easier or leave you constantly frustrated, you won’t last in that job for long. Look at your top five strengths and list some roles, positions, or jobs that might use them. Remember, you’re not in the “editing” phase yet. You’re simply letting your creative self play.

One thing that is important to me is the natural beauty of and access to the alpine wilderness. While I grew up in Milwaukee, WI, I would not live there again as I cherish the mountains of Washington state.
One thing that is important to me is the natural beauty of and access to the alpine wilderness. While I grew up in Milwaukee, WI, I would not live there again as I cherish the mountains of Washington state.

Identify What You Love

The next journaling exercise is to jot down all the things you currently love to do. Your list may include “skiing,” “cooking,” “traveling,” or “getting compliments.” It could include things you are naturally good at, such as taking photographs, working with animals, or sorting and organizing.

Include things you loved as a child, teen, and young adult. If your favorite class in high school was anthropology, reflect on what intrigued you most. Was it the subject matter, the teacher, the particular book, or something else? If you felt tremendous curiosity about penguins as a kid, why? Did you ever want to be a teacher, lawyer, or doctor? What in those early thoughts still resonates with you? The more you play with this, the more you tap into your creative, artistic, and dreaming side that knows no bounds.

Mountains near Moab, UT. If you know that you want to travel, yet you find yourself in a job where you can't take time off to do so, you're not going to be happy.
Mountains near Moab, UT. If you know that you want to travel, yet you accept a job where you can’t take time off to do so, you’re not going to be happy.

Determine What You Want: Top Priorities

The third journaling exercise is more challenging. It requires examining your values and roles and determining what is most important to you in your life. These change with time. A free online resource that might help is available at Personal Values. Five of my top values came back as Health, Creativity, Acceptance, Curiosity, and Independence. When I examine my current work situation as a holistic wellness coach and author, all five of those personal values are implemented. A good match!

As you evaluate your personal values against your current job, how many fit? If there are any that are not being utilized or satisfied, you might be able to satisfy them outside of your job. You could modify your job to include what’s missing. Or you can look for work or volunteer opportunities that might satisfy more of them.

Two other top values were Family and Community. Engaging in my daughter's high school graduation was something I wouldn't have missed for anything.
Two other top values were Family and Community. Engaging in my daughter’s high school graduation was something I wouldn’t have missed for anything.

Plan Your Next Steps

Precision Nutrition’s worksheet, “From goals to actions,” may help you organize the information you’ve identified above so you can move forward in the new year. If you determine that you are in the right job but you need more personal time, ask for it. Perhaps you realize some of your strengths are being underutilized or not recognized or valued at your job. Can you find a way to bring them up so that you can use them?

Finally, if your values don’t match those of your company, or your company doesn’t value what you have to offer, it may be time to look for another job. One that uses your strengths, allows you time and freedom to do some of what you love, and matches your values and priorities.

May the coming year be the one that allows you to change your work situation so that you feel fulfilled, valued, and honored as the unique individual you are!

Featured

Release Stress: How to Use Breathwork Techniques

This week I have struggled to find my focus. Whenever that happens, I return to something very basic. Something most of us never think about it. In addition to increasing your movement during the winter months, consider exploring breathwork to release stress. Below are a few breathing techniques to try this holiday season. Consider it a new tool in your toolkit, one that is completely free and accessible to anyone.

Whenever you feel like you’ve “flipped” and need to recenter yourself, focus on your breath. Where do you feel the air coming in? Into your chest or your abdomen? Is your breathing shallow and fast, or slow and deep? Breathwork helps if you are climbing a vertical wall and your heels start to bounce up and down (a sensation known as “sewing machine leg”). But it can also help if you see red, such as when a driver swerves too close. Or when some nincompoop with fifty grocery items is in the express-only line in front of you.

Breathwork is as important as restorative sleep and good nutrition. Shown are the ingredients for fermented salsa in holiday colors.
Breathwork is as important as restorative sleep and good nutrition. Shown are the ingredients for fermented salsa in holiday colors.

Release Stress with Box Breathing

This stress-relieving breathing technique is taught to US Navy SEALS and is great for reducing anxiety or helping regain your center. Take a deep, slow breath in for a count of four. Hold your breath in for four counts. Then let it out to a count of four, and finally hold it out for four counts.

It’s also known as 4*4 breathing. If you were to draw it, it would resemble a box (or square). Simple! 4 counts in, hold 4, 4 counts out, hold 4. Times four. I use this at night when I need to get my mind off my to-do list and place it on something mundane and calming.

Ajax and a snow dog I built during our most recent snowfall on December 3. Playing in the snow and hiking are two activities that help me release stress.
Ajax and a snow dog I built during our most recent snowfall on December 3. Playing in the snow and hiking are two activities that help me release stress.

According to Healthline, “The slow holding of breath allows CO2 to build up in the blood. Increased blood CO2 enhances the cardio-inhibitory response of the vagus nerve when you exhale and stimulates your parasympathetic (rest and digest) system. This produces a calm and relaxed feeling in the mind and body.”

In other words, rapid shallow breathing (aka hyperventilating) is something you do when you’re in fight-or-flight about to fend for your life, but long, slow, deep breaths are a sign that there is no tiger in the room. Try it and see how it works for you.

Sipping Breath

This is another stress-relieving breathing technique that involves deep slow breathing as though you are inhaling through a straw, holding it for several seconds, and then slowly exhaling through pursed lips. The title link has a 7-minute meditation video to follow to experience it for yourself. If watching a minute video set to mellow, soothing music makes you too anxious (or you’re so tired it might put you to sleep!), you may advance the video to minute 4.

Winnie and his "Hunny" jar, our mid-day creation from December 3, 2022.
Winnie and his “Hunny” jar, our mid-day creation from December 3, 2022.

Balloon Breath

Balloon breathing is a popular one to teach young children to get them to calm down and be centered. Place your hands on top of your head. Inhale deeply as though you are about to blow up a balloon, and raise your arms over your head as the lungs inflate fully. Having the hands overhead appears to let more air into the lungs, especially if you have been sitting at a desk or screen all day.

As you slowly exhale, bring your hands back to your head. Repeat three more times. On the last breath exhale with pursed lips to make as silly a sound as you can. Who wouldn’t feel more relaxed after acting like a kid?

Snowfall February 12-15 in 2021 was abundant. This igloo took three of us a good four hours to make but left us with great family memories.
Snowfall February 12-15 in 2021 was abundant. This igloo took three of us a good four hours to make but left us with great family memories.

Release Stress through Fascia Breathing

If you are interested in doing a deep dive into the importance of breathwork for your tissue health and workouts, Human Garage has a 28-Day Life Reset available for free on YouTube. When I do fascial work, I take three breaths in and out through the mouth and three breaths in and out through the nose. It feels especially helpful on torso rotation to release the tension in my lower back, or a modified pigeon to release my hips. Try it yourself and feel the difference between where the breath goes and what parts of your body reap the benefits.

The tallest snow creation we've ever made. For reference, I'm 5'6" and this guy, built on February 13, 2021, was a good eight feet tall.
The tallest snow creation we’ve ever made. For reference, I’m 5’6″ and this guy, built on February 13, 2021, was a good eight feet tall.

Candle Breath

Until doing some research earlier today, I was unaware that this was actually a name for a breathing technique. It is as you might expect: take a deep breath in, and then pretend you’re blowing out the candles on a cake. This is a great one for parents with toddlers and grade-school kids, but who’s to say kids are the only ones who can enjoy it?

Release Stress by Creating Your Own

As you explore different breathing techniques, you may notice yourself creating your own version. When I’m having trouble sleeping, I play with each of the, sometimes even combining them into something new. I recently tried a sipping breath (slow straw) with balloon breath (to the point that I think my lungs are full, then I sip in a little more which seems to help the body relax even more) and then exhale slowly, imagining a single candle in front of me in a dark room. I visualize it dancing in the flow of air until it stills, as I hold the air out. It helps to have a specific calming image in mind to shut off my worried brain.

One of our more whimsical snow creations, a Minion, was a popular one among the neighborhood dog walkers.
One of our more whimsical snow creations, a Minion, was a popular one among the neighborhood dog walkers.

As always if you find these techniques helpful or you have other breathwork you care to share, please post comments in the box below. I love hearing from readers and will respond to each legitimate post.

Featured

Conflict Creates Resilience in Writing and in Life

Writers are constantly instructed to “throw rocks at the main characters to make them suffer.” That means we provide readers with plenty of tension and conflict. We give our characters struggles, obstacles to overcome, and battles with others in order to help them grow. It’s the same in life. Conflict creates resilience.

But in February when I broke my wrist, I only saw pain and struggle. I couldn’t imagine anything positive coming from it. Now, having regained most of my strength and range of motion without needing surgery, I can see everything I’ve learned. Rehab exercises. Isometrics. Alternative movements that don’t require grip. And how long it takes someone my age, who is religious about her exercise program, to recover. The biggest lesson, however, is this: if I can face THAT, I can face anything.

A selfie I took on 2/22/22. Broken bones disrupt every routine. Conflict creates resilience. Whenever you struggle, look for the positives. How will this battle help you grow?
A selfie I took on 2/22/22. Broken bones disrupt every routine. Conflict creates resilience. Whenever you struggle, look for the positives. How will this battle help you grow?

The Counselor

As an INFJ from the Myers Briggs Inventory, I am what they call “a counselor,” part of the rarest 2% of the general population, including only 2% of women. Brene Brown, whose copious materials on shame, guilt, and vulnerability speak volumes, happens to be an INFJ. So is cartoonist Debbie Tung, author of Everything is OK and Quiet Girl in a Noisy World. I’m relieved I’m not the only one!

I love to nurture and help people grow through my coaching company. But I also prefer avoiding conflict. That makes for some very tense internal struggles because change is almost always messy.

I've used this image before; can we maintain an attitude of gratitude and look for the GROWTH that comes from conflict and tension?
Can we maintain an attitude of gratitude and look for the GROWTH that comes from conflict and tension?

In Texas a few weeks ago, my husband and I talked about this dichotomy. I could feel myself squirming during his questioning. I prefer to listen. My tendency is to withdraw if I am unable to explain my side of things well, or if I feel like my values are being examined and come up lacking. On our drive to Corpus Christi, all I could do was sit calmly, take deep breaths, and try to contribute to the conversation without feeling attacked.

Conflict Creates Resilience; Life Without Is Not Living

Eventually, I understood what my husband was trying to say: we need conflict in order to grow. Those moments that stand out most in my mind — my wedding, my daughter’s birth, graduating from college, and becoming a climb leader — all took courage, struggle, and effort. We don’t accomplish meaningful things overnight. Also, we don’t remember moments of smooth sailing for very long. Instead, we recall the mistakes, the failures, and the big moments of tension right before we change.

Tension within ourselves provides conflict as long as the end result includes taking action. Not withdrawing, burying your head in the sand, or diving into addictive avoidance behaviors, but positive forward steps. Struggle provides the stimulus for us to take action. Without it, we can’t grow.

Can we use conflict in a positive way to truly listen to others rather than simply fighting for fighting's sake?
Can we use conflict in a positive way to truly listen to others rather than simply fighting for fighting’s sake?

Keep in mind that by “conflict” I don’t mean picking fights, being belligerent, protesting big issues, or seeking confrontation. Yes, those are examples of conflict, but to me, it feels like so much conflict these days is fighting just to fight. Instead, we could benefit from listening to opposing points of view with the goal of truly understanding others. Being open to why people feel or do what they feel or do. And understanding why we feel a need to avoid conflict.

Learned Behavior

When our daughter mentioned struggles she was having with her roommate, part of me wanted to rush in with advice. To help her avoid the pain that comes from conflict. I realized I’d been doing that for most of her life.

As hard as it is for me, it’s time to let her struggle so she can come through the other side with new coping skills. With the knowledge that she is resilient enough to figure things out for herself instead of relying on her parents. That means she may have to suffer massive discomfort, mistakes, and pain in order to change. That’s a tremendously hard lesson. But if we keep in mind the learning opportunity, it softens the pain.

This year our daughter entered a unique "Fishing Grizzly Bear" Lego sculpture at the Washington State Fair. It took five years of trying, but this year she became the Grand Master Champion.
This year our daughter entered a unique “Fishing Grizzly Bear” Lego sculpture at the Washington State Fair. It took five years of trying, but this year she became the Grand Master Champion.

Fail Big

One of my favorite motivational videos is by Denzel Washington. In this clip, he speaks to a group of students graduating from the University of Pennsylvania. His key takeaway moments are to FAIL BIG, FALL FORWARD, and KEEP TRYING.

He reminds students that Thomas Edison conducted many, many failed experiments. It only took one success, the light bulb. What sort of life are we living if we never try anything new? If we do the same thing, day in and day out, “playing it safe”?

Conflict Creates Resilience in Writing and in Life
Winnie the Pooh constantly strives to get his favorite snack from the “hunny” jar. My husband and I had fun building this December creation, despite less-than-optimal conditions and without our daughter, who chose not to join us.

Fall Forward

Rather than “having something to fall back on,” he suggests falling forward, flat on our faces, and often, so we can see where we’re headed. He mentions that each student in the audience has the talent to succeed; but who among us has enough guts to fail? “We don’t plan to fail, we fail to plan.” What does your plan for 2023 hold?

When you think about what you want more than anything else — whether that’s an intimate relationship, a new job, a toned body, a dream vacation, or a successful climb — what is holding you back? What stands in your way? Can you take the first bold, courageous step toward it today? What struggles do you have to face to get it?

Mushrooms dusted with early December snowfall.
Mushrooms dusted with early December snowfall.

Keep Trying

Washington’s last point in the video is to keep trying. Says Otto Kroeger, in Type Talk at Work, “INFJs’ nonstop search for learning, self-growth, and development—and wishing the same for everyone else—makes them very reassuring to others and people worth emulating.” My sincere wish for readers facing struggle is that if at first, you don’t succeed, find something else to try. As long as you are alive, you will continue to face struggle. But you also have tons of things left to try in this lifetime.

Pull out that wish list you have tucked in a drawer somewhere. Use the tools from within this blog to create SMART goals, take five-minute actions, and figure out what today’s one thing will be. Draw from the resilience of others who have found a way through. Conflict creates resilience. See what new lesson you can get from the difficult struggles ahead. Never give up.

Tension and conflict exist in real life just as in fiction. When you get a clenched stomach, pumping heart, and racing mind, take three deep breaths to get your rational brain to stay online. Don't "flip" and go lizard-brain (i.e. fight of flight).
When you get a clenched jaw, butterflies in your stomach, a pumping heart, and racing thoughts take three deep breaths. Don’t “flip” and go lizard-brain (i.e. fight or flight). Take the next step. Trust that you will get through. You got this.

As always, if you are facing some sort of conflict and you need a sounding board, I’m here to help. Post your issue in the comments or send me a personal message. Please do not struggle alone!

Featured

What Do Your To-Read Books Reveal About You?

Today as the snow fell in Seattle for the first time this winter, I looked at my pile of to-read books. I thought about what might be on other people’s lists. In online interviews, many published authors say they’re reading author memoirs for inspiration. Or maybe the classics (yawn…) Friends who aren’t writers usually say they’re reading popular bestsellers. Those who aspire to be published often share that they’re reading books in their genre. My “to-read” pile of books reveals a lot about what I’m currently focused on. What does your pile reveal about you?

My daughter's foray into quilling. This handmade card for my parents inspires me to go beyond my current boundaries into the wild unknown. Along with the books below, I have three quilling books begging to be picked up and used.
My daughter’s foray into quilling. This handmade card for my parents inspires me to go beyond my current boundaries into the wild unknown. Along with the books below, I have three quilling books begging to be picked up and used.

To-Read Books About Changing the Mind

In December, I often look back at what I accomplished in the previous eleven months. I start thinking about changes I might make in the coming year. In my current short stack of eight books, a whopping seven are self-help books. The first four have to do with changing the mind.

Debbie Tung: Everything Is OK

I just completed Debbie Tung's graphic memoir, Everything Is OK. What a relief!
I just completed Debbie Tung’s graphic memoir, Everything Is OK. What a relief!

Tung’s graphic memoir is a collection of comics about overcoming anxiety and depression. If you are looking for a quick, inspiring read to help you through the long, cold, dark winter months, this one is perfect. Whether you experience SAD or general angst around the holidays, you are not alone, even if it feels like you are.

Her number one piece of advice for getting through dark, overwhelming thoughts (p. 166), is “To make small changes in your life and dedicate more time to work on things that matter to you.” For me, that includes keeping up with my weekly blog. It acts as an anchor when everything else feels like it’s spiraling out of control. It helps me recognize those thoughts that are keeping me stuck while inspiring others to do so as well.

Tama Kieves Books

Tama Kieves' Thriving Through Uncertainty.
Tama Kieves’ Thriving Through Uncertainty.
Tama Kieves' Inspired & Unstoppable.
Tama Kieves’ Inspired & Unstoppable.

I first came across Tama Kieves in January 2022 during a journaling seminar through the IAJW. She so inspired me with her delivery that I reserved several of her books from the library. As soon as I came across “Doing one thing” and “Keeping it simple, stupid,” ideas I shared in my blog last year, I knew I had found a kindred spirit.

I read a page a day from A Year Without Fear, a book that shares daily 5-minute inspirations. Thriving Through Uncertainty provides helpful jump-starts, thought questions, and exercises. I pull it out when I have time to reflect on how I might change faulty messages I’m sending myself. Inspired and Unstoppable supplies wisdom when I most need it, including her opening line: What if everything you thought you needed to do to succeed was actually standing in the way of your success?

Pam Grout: A Course In Miracles Experiment

The Course In Miracles Experiment, by Pam Grout. Hopefully, this will be more accessible than the extremely dense, overly religious, and intimidating original, A Course in Miracles.
The Course In Miracles Experiment, by Pam Grout. Hopefully, this will be more accessible than the extremely dense, overly religious, and intimidating original, A Course in Miracles.

Kieves, a life and work coach, combines wisdom from her self-help books with tips for the layperson from A Course In Miracles. I recently joined one of her online groups. She repeatedly said that we either act out of love or fear, and we have complete control over which we choose. I recently added Grout’s “Cliff notes” version of the dense program, A Course In Miracles, to explore more deeply in the coming months.

All four of these books reveal to me that I rely on motivational messages to move forward. Since I am a visual learner, I prefer books in written format. However, I have been listening to audiobooks in the car. Such books reveal that “When the student is ready, the teacher appears.”

Books about Self-Acceptance

The next three self-help titles on my reread list deal with self-acceptance and self-understanding. I own all three, but I find I have to keep reviewing the material to get it to fully sink in. I often joke that I move at glacial speed, pondering and musing until suddenly, one day, it sinks in and I push forward like there’s no stopping me. How do you move forward?

Brene Brown: Gifts of Imperfection

What Do Your To-Read Books Reveal About You?

Ever since I heard Brown’s Houston Ted talk, I’ve been a huge fan of hers. I’m currently listening to her audiobook, The Power of Vulnerability, for the second time. Her message in this book, letting go of who you think you’re supposed to be (there’s that dreaded word, should!) and embracing who you are, overlaps beautifully with the next book.

Self-Compassion, Kristin Neff

What Do Your To-Read Books Reveal About You?

Neff is another Ted Talk inspiration. I’ve recommended her book more often than any other, except perhaps Dan Sullivan’s Gap and the Gain. The message that stands out is using the same empathetic and compassionate techniques you would with a best friend, on yourself. She also insists that everyone suffers; everyone has pain — it’s a necessary part of being human. But we must not beat ourselves up over mistakes and hardship; we can recognize we’re struggling and still move forward with grace and compassion. Of all the books on my list to read, this one has been the hardest for me to tackle.

As I write this post, I recognize it’s probably the one I need to study most of all. In books I own, sometimes I make notes in the margins. Exactly a year ago, I finished the first chapter. Armed with that knowledge, I am moving it onto my “High priority reading list.”

The Emotional Life of Your Brain: Richard Davidson

What Do Your To-Read Books Reveal About You?

Of all the books in my pile, this one is the most scientific and newest acquisition. In 30 years of research, neuroscientist Davidson discovered that we each have an “emotional style.” Chapter 3 has a quiz to assess it.

Our emotional style consists of resilience, outlook, social intuition, self-awareness, sensitivity to context, and attention. Our pattern constitutes our “emotional fingerprint.” I’m eager to learn more about mine and what it says about how I relate to others. He also has a chapter titled “Plastic Brain.”

To-Read Books: Survival Fiction, including Falcon Wild

To-read books: I'm currently reading Falcon Wild by Terry Lynn Johnson.
To-read books: I’m currently reading Falcon Wild by Terry Lynn Johnson.

Finally, we reach my favorite escape category, fiction. I have been racing through middle-grade survival stories, where youngsters find themselves in the middle of the wilderness and have to survive (NOT surviving middle school itself. Those are ubiquitous!)

I have a particular fondness for books for 10 to 14-year-old readers. I have been working on several, myself, for a number of years. Some of my favorite authors in the genre include:

  • Gary Paulsen — his famous novel, Hatchet, the first in a series of four, was a Newbery Honor-winning Young Adult book from 1986. Sadly, Paulsen died of cardiac arrest in October 2021
  • Dusti Bowling — she writes desert survival stories including The Canyon’s Edge, Across the Desert, and 24 Hours in Nowhere. I’m thrilled to hear that her latest book, Dust, comes out in 2023.
  • Terry Lynn Johnson — the book I am currently reading is Falcon Wild. She’s also written a dogsledding series and a Survivor Diaries series. If an author combines birds, survival, and clean reading about pre-teen protagonists, I will read it.
Our first snowfall of the 2022-2023 season.
Our first snowfall of the 2022-2023 season.

Takeaways From Examining My To-Read Pile

Before I close, I should point out that I get zero commission from referring to any of these books. If you find them interesting, check them out at the local library, put them on your wishlist, or offer them as holiday gifts to those who might benefit.

My takeaways from examining my to-read pile are that I am:

  • Curious about how the brain works, in particular, whether neuroplasticity applies to the emotional life of our brain.
  • Interested in finding accountability, support, and encouragement around books that have been difficult to work through on my own.
  • Ready, willing, and able to make significant changes now that I’ve been developing a growth mindset.
  • Eager to change those thoughts that keep me stuck.
A dusting of snow on local mushrooms.
A dusting of snow on local mushrooms.

How about you? What takeaways have you discovered around your reading list? If you have insights or suggestions for further blog posts about getting unstuck, please share them in the comments. And if you have additional resources that fit the takeaways above I’d love to hear about them. Joyward!

Featured

How to Play Your Way to Gratitude

As we approach the holidays, I have determined that I need more play, more often. How about you? When was the last time you laughed so hard that your face hurt? Have you done anything recently just for fun? Do you play games that engage and thrill you? This holiday season, I encourage you to think about what you have enjoyed doing in the past and see if you can play your way to gratitude.

One way to gratitude is to pay attention to your surroundings and note what catches your eye. I loved the colorful deep pastel colors of these oversized chairs on South Padre Island. This blog shares other "playful" photographs as an example of how the camera can help YOU detect what constitutes play.
One way to gratitude is to pay attention to your surroundings and note what catches your eye. I loved the colorful deep pastel colors of these oversized chairs on South Padre Island. This blog shares other “playful” photographs as an example of how the camera can help YOU detect what constitutes play.

Vacation Objectives in South Texas

My husband and I just returned from a play vacation. We spent three days with friends in Humble, TX, walking, talking, enjoying great food, exploring local parks, and playing card games and Yahtzee. Then we headed south toward the Rio Grande to birdwatch for four days.

In my most recent blog post, I shared five goals for our trip, all of which we accomplished. I focus herein on the last goal, embracing tiny moments of joy.

A deer enjoyed snacking on vegetation at Atascosita Park in Humble, Texas. We played on the huge climbing structure, walked around the urban ponds, and got pictures of the local wildlife.
A deer enjoyed snacking on vegetation at Atascosita Park in Humble, Texas. We played on the huge climbing structure, walked around the urban ponds, and got pictures of the local wildlife.

Way to Gratitude: Embrace Tiny Moments of Joy

Cesare Pevase said, “We do not remember days, we remember moments.” The tiny moments that I capture with my camera remind me of where we visited, what happened, and what sparks joy for me. Two other trips we took this year also sparked joy. They included one of my all-time favorite hikes in Moab’s Fiery Furnace, and to Alaska with our daughter. Photos highlight what matters most to us, what we want to capture, savor, and share.

How to Play Your Way to Gratitude
My first glimpse of a roseate spoonbill was at South Padre Island Birding and Nature Center.

During our visit to the Bentsen-Rio Grande Valley State Park, I took twenty minutes to explore a trail by myself. By getting away from hawk watchers, I felt myself shifting gears. I saw more. I got curious. What did the spikey-looking Spanish moss feel like? How — and why — did those snails get into the trees? And what made all that noise? (Turns out the chicken-like chachalacas make quite a ruckus!) Breaking away allowed me to find my own path toward joy.

Peccary piglets (2 of the 3 we spotted) at Hazel Bazemore park.
Peccary piglets (2 of the 3 we spotted) at Hazel Bazemore park.

TRY THIS: The next time you go for a walk, try reversing your path or exploring a new-to-you park, hike, or series of streets. Open your senses. What catches your gaze? Do you hear anything you’ve never heard before? What textures draw you to explore? What you notice informs you about what matters to you. Pay attention. Learn. Grow. Play.

A colorful, whimsical lawn ornament that caught my eye in Humble, TX.
A colorful, whimsical lawn ornament that caught my eye in Humble, TX.

Way to Gratitude: My Top Trip Stops

To remember the highlights, I made a list of the nature preserves, birding centers, pullouts, and state parks we visited. All fifteen of them. Below are the four that supplied me with the strongest joyful moments (in the order we visited them.)

South Padre Island Birding and Nature Center

Our first major stop on the way toward the Rio Grande was the South Padre Island Birding and Nature Center. It was also the first time we saw many of the birds we would enjoy for four days. I was struck by the diversity of species since this center has both freshwater and saltwater ecosystems. While my husband was taken by the smooth-billed and groove-billed anis, I focused on the colorful herons, roseate spoonbills, and four massive American alligators.

One of four American Alligators at the South Padre Island Birding and Nature Center.
One of four American Alligators at the South Padre Island Birding and Nature Center.

Estero Llano Grande State Park

This park is six miles north of the Mexican border. During the five hours we visited, we saw 57 different bird species, including green kingfishers, olive sparrows, and a pair of pauraques which weren’t even on our target list. Bonus! Over the span of eight days, I added 47 new-to-me ebird species, moving my life list up to 611 species. For reference, there are estimated to be over 10,000 bird species worldwide and over 500 which can be seen in the state of Washington.

How to Play Your Way to Gratitude
Pauraques are nocturnal; the pair we saw returns to the exact same sleeping spot every night, every year, and they blend in so well with their surroundings that we would never have spotted them if not for other birders pointing them out.

Laguna Atascosa National Wildlife Refuge

The refuge, at close to 100,000 acres, is the largest protected area of natural habitat left in the Lower Rio Grande Valley. We added several new birds to our life list including eastern meadowlarks, white-tailed, and red-shouldered hawks, and were wowed by the many thousands of birds out on the lake despite high winds and cold temperatures.

Perhaps my favorite, most colorful bird photo of the whole trip was of this northern cardinal male.
Perhaps my favorite, most colorful bird photo of the whole trip was of this northern cardinal male.

Hazel Bazemore Park

This lovely 78-acre nature preserve lies near Corpus Christi, noteworthy for its annual hawk watch. It was my personal favorite because we saw peccaries (nine, including 3 baby javelinas!), deer, and a bobcat. The only other big cat sighting I’ve had in the wild was also a bobcat, in North Carolina. Big cats are secretive, solitary, elusive, and seldom caught on film — but this time I got lucky!

A wild bobcat with breakfast in its mouth, at Hazel Bazemore County Park. The only other big cat I've seen in the wild is a bobcat in North Carolina. They are secretive, elusive, and seldom caught on film -- at least not mine!
A wild bobcat with breakfast in its mouth, at Hazel Bazemore County Park.

Defining Play for You

In her CD, The Power of Vulnerability, shame researcher Brene Brown says that play lies at the core of creativity and innovation. It’s anything that makes us lose track of time and self-consciousness, creating the space where ideas are born. This means we should not restrict play to vacations.

I’m listening. For me, playing includes rolling in a pile of leaves in the backyard with my daughter and dog. Ordering a book of card games for 3-4 people so we always have ready-made non-screen entertainment we can engage in together. Choosing a tree and decorating it as a family. Finding new recipes to experiment with in the kitchen.

The author and Ajax play in a huge pile of dry leaves.
The author and Ajax play in a huge pile of dry leaves.

TRY THIS: How do you define play? Think about moments in your past that have brought you joy. Think of what you loved as a child, or what you did last week that made you laugh out loud. What moments of play spark joy for you? Can you include more of it in your daily life? What would it take to set aside a few minutes to watch birds out your window? Can you save twenty minutes to go for a walk and focus on what intrigues you? How about an hour to visit a museum or art shop you haven’t visited in a long time? My wish for you this holiday season includes more play, fun, and joy.

Don't be a turkey! Have some fun this holiday season! Play!
Don’t be a turkey! Have some fun this holiday season! Play!

I welcome your comments, thoughts, or observations in the comments box. Happy holidays and spark (or sparkle!) on.

Featured

Seize the Moment and Ditch the Old To-Do List

I am in the midst of preparing for a week-long birding trip with my husband. This will be the first together without our daughter in eighteen years. This morning my long “to-do” list closed in on me. I thought back to the last four days of our Alaska vacation in which “winging it” brought about some of our most memorable experiences. Here I was, facing a beautiful cloud-free November day, with a good half-day of “to-do’s.” Did they really matter? Could I seize the moment and ditch the old to-do list?

Seize the moment. On a morning walk, we spotted brilliant fall colors blazing against bright blue skies in Seattle. What's not to love? If only we make time to enjoy them.
Seize the moment. On a morning walk, we spotted brilliant fall colors blazing against bright blue skies in Seattle. What’s not to love? If only we make time to enjoy them.

Three Wins

On a whimsical walk with my dog, in a neighborhood I used to live in but seldom visit, I pondered Dan Sullivan’s advice in The Gap and the Gain. He talks about reflecting on “three wins” at the end of each day and projecting possible wins for the following day. Instead of tackling that intimidating to-do list, what if I rewrote today’s wins as:

  • Providing myself with massive self-care
  • Spending time outside with my dog
  • Packing for my morning flight

Would the world really collapse if I didn’t get another blog post out?

A beautiful deep-yellow tree caught my eye against the clear blue sky.
A beautiful deep-yellow tree caught my eye against the clear blue sky.

Seize the Moment: Simple and Good Enough

Of course not. I write on deadline for myself, to prove I can. But the question was enough to get me thinking about the broader scope of my blog. Of the lessons I return to repeatedly. Like the five-minute action in Keeping it Simple and Good Enough. What if I reminded readers of some of the tools we all can use whenever we get overwhelmed? When we all feel invisible pressure to “do everything, and do it perfectly?”

The longer I walked, the more I realized that I yearned to write something big, stupendous, and amazing. But my inner voice kept whispering KISAGE. Could I write about listening to our inner wisdom? What was my spirit asking for heading into this trip? What might my three wins be for the coming week?

I looked up and spotted a peek-a-boo treehouse. Then I smiled. I had the answer.

I spotted this gorgeous treehouse and created a story about the users. Did someone build it as a writer's retreat? for kids' sleepovers? for bird watching?
I spotted this gorgeous treehouse and created a story about the users. Did someone build it as a writer’s retreat? for kids’ sleepovers? for bird watching?

Listen to Your Spirit

If I had to put my recent thoughts to a musical score, I’d set it to Hans Zimmer’s Time (from Inception). I’ve been playing it on repeat over the last two weeks. Zimmer’s music inspires me so much that I recently acquired sheet music. I’ve been setting aside fifteen minutes a day to practice it on the piano. I wish I could create something as awe-inspiring as his music. But I am also struck by the clean simplicity of the closing bars.

My post this week is equally simple. It is a reminder to listen to your inner wisdom, what Tama Kieves calls our “spirit” in her weekly course. In it, she combines her book, Inspired and Unstoppable, with wisdom from A Course In Miracles. When we take time to trust ourselves, give ourselves massive self-care, and listen to the wisdom within, we can find our way out of any maze.

The whimsy of a turtle statuette on a bench next to a pumpkin.
The whimsy of a turtle statuette on a bench next to a pumpkin.

Seize the Moment: A Different To-Do List

So, I scrapped my to-do list and simplified it. Doing so made room for creating a short blog post. And what about my goals for the coming trip? I created them while sitting outside barefoot in the November sunshine.

Simple:

  • Get plenty of sleep
  • Be gracious and respectful
  • Ask open-ended questions
  • Seek tiny moments of joy
  • Re-connect with my husband
The raspberry colors of this maple stand out among the green, yellow and orange around it.
The raspberry colors of this maple stand out among the green, yellow, and orange around it.

What has you stuck? What matters most? Is your ladder leaning against the right wall? Can you rewrite your list with five-minute actions in mind? At the end of the day, as you look back at what you accomplished, do you feel good about your priorities? I do. Prioritizing self-care allowed me to finish what’s most important.

Featured

How to Reduce Emotional Clutter by Cleaning House

You may recall from an earlier post that I developed my own monthly challenge called OcTraPiMo (October Trash Pick-up Month). The experiment was to collect trash on daily neighborhood walks with my dog. This year, I’m hoping to reduce emotional clutter by cleaning the house.

An adorable but worried-looking northern fur seal during our most recent trip to New Zealand in December 2019. How I sometimes envy the freedom wild animals have who don't need to reduce emotional clutter. They have no houses to clean.
An adorable but worried-looking northern fur seal during our most recent trip to NZ in December 2019. How I sometimes envy the freedom wild animals have who don’t need to reduce emotional clutter. They have no houses to clean.

What Is Clutter?

Anything in your home that you love, need, or use, is not clutter. Everything else is and needs to go. Emotional clutter, however, is way more complicated. And has much deeper roots. If you’re anything like me, every time you think of removing precious stuff from your home, you may feel a host of emotions ranging from uncertainty to panic.

“I just know as soon as I get rid of it, I’ll need it.” Not sure what this is called, maybe unreasonable anticipation?

“Nobody notices that crack in the frame except me.” This is a lie we tell ourselves to hide the truth.

“You can never have too many dog toys.” This one needs no analysis. Or maybe it does. Just sayin’.

Ajax rests next to one of his two baskets of dog toys. A dog can only play with one at a time. Time to clutter bust, perhaps?
Ajax rests next to one of his two baskets of dog toys. A dog can only play with one at a time. Time to clutter bust, perhaps?

“My grandmother gave that to me right before she died. I can’t just throw it out.” Emotional attachment to someone who is no longer there, feeling like the object somehow represents the missing person.

“I wear that every other December when we host for the holidays. It’s getting snug.” Um, perhaps unrealistic expectations.

There must be psychological names for such examples, but that does not matter. Can you recognize yourself in any of them?

How can we bust through the clutter in our home when the thought of letting go of anything causes emotional turmoil? The answer may lie in unearthing the reason for the clutter and removing its tough outer shell.

From Clutter to Clarity

One place to start might be Kerri Richardson‘s book, From Clutter to Clarity. Of all the resources I’ve studied, including Marie Kondo’s wildly popular KonMari method, Richardson gets at why we have clutter where we do. Her “common clutter hotspots” cheat sheet at the end of the book pointed me toward two chapters that spoke volumes.

I didn’t realize (until this week) that I have two clutter hotspots: our office (what Richardson refers to as the money center) and my mind. Once I identified the truths in those two chapters, I was able to shed grief, guilt, and shame before I could tackle the KonMari method. Now that I have embraced the why behind the clutter accumulation and have created a strong plan to deal with it, I can move forward with the how.

An adult white-capped albatross we spotted during a pelagic trip off Stewart Island on January 1, 2020. With a beak like that it would be easy to peck through any shells.
An adult white-capped albatross we spotted during a pelagic trip off Stewart Island on January 1, 2020. With a beak like that it would be easy to peck through any shells.

Choosing a Path to Reduce Emotional Clutter

Brooks Palmer, author of Clutter Busting and Clutter Busting Your Life, offers some practical advice for getting rid of clutter. He stresses the importance of asking yourself curious questions about the items in your home. Questions such as how do you feel when you read/hold/see this item? Does it represent someone you no longer feel you are or something you want to change? Who pays the highest price for holding onto the item beyond its welcome?

If the answer is you then it’s time to let go.

Marie Kondo, Japanese consultant and creator of The KonMari Method, suggests that items in your home which don’t “spark joy” do not belong in your home. She asks participants to commit to tidying everything all at once, whereas KC Davis, author of How to Keep House While Drowning, insists that you are not lazy if you struggle to keep a clean house and you can take as long as you need to.

When considering the right path for you, remember that whatever system you choose must work for you or you won’t follow through. Perhaps you could use a five-minute action to get over any inertia. This is my plan.

A northern right whale breached nearby on January 1, 2020, during a pelagic trip off Stewart Island, NZ. This image speaks to me of "diving right in" to reduce emotional clutter. No better time than the present.
A northern right whale breached nearby on January 1, 2020, during a pelagic trip off Stewart Island, NZ. This image speaks to me of “diving right in” to reduce emotional clutter. No better time than the present.

KonMari Method

Kondo suggests a clutter-busting method that includes going through everything in your house, garage, shed, and car(s) in five steps, in the following order:

  • Clothing
  • Books
  • Papers
  • Miscellaneous items
  • Sentimental value

She suggests pooling together similar items so you can see everything you have, all at once. As you go through each pile (you can have each member of your household do their own clothes, books, and papers), ask “Does this spark joy?” Keep anything you love or that makes you happy. Put the rest into “Maybe” or “Discard.”

You might also want to consider whether items in the discard pile should end up in the garbage, in a garage sale, as a donation, or to trade. But initially, your priority is to look for what you will keep.

And don’t overlook the option of starting small: your desk. A drawer in your file cabinet. A shelf behind your desk. If doing the entire household all at once stresses you out, commit to what you CAN do to move forward.

A northern right whale starting on a deep dive. If going deep stops you in your tracks, do your best to find out why. Then just start. Even if it's five minutes a day. You are so worth it.
A northern right whale starting on a deep dive. If going deep stops you in your tracks, do your best to find out why. Then just start. Even if it’s five minutes a day. You are so worth it.

NoCluHoMo to Reduce Emotional Clutter

During the coming months (until I finish – doing this during the holidays is a little intimidating but I’m using the five-minute action as my guide) I’m conducting an experiment I’ve dubbed NoCluHoMo (No Clutter in the House Months). I have done well with clothing and books. Where I get stuck is Kondo’s third category, papers.

In particular, my manuscripts. I always mean well, but whenever I get to this category, I want to skip over it, something Kondo would advise against. All the other clutter-busting authors would probably say, “Just keep going.” So that’s what I plan to do.

Jigsaw puzzles I acquired by trading those I no longer wanted for those I could enjoy. Put together your own solution, one piece at a time.
Jigsaw puzzles I acquired by trading those I no longer wanted for those I could enjoy. Put together your own solution, one piece at a time.

If you feel like clutter-busting would help you clear your emotional clutter, and you’ve found a path that works for you, consider joining me during NoCluHoMo. It doesn’t have to be in November, it can be whenever it works for you. After all, give yourself a present — there’s no better time than the present. As always, feel free to share comments that might help others get past their blocks. I love hearing from readers.

Featured

How To Create Your Unique Food List

Imagine walking into the supermarket after a hard day at work. You’re borderline hangry, and you want food. Now. At times like this, it’s easy to grab the first thing you find and stuff it in your face. You’ll deal with the consequences later. But if you know in advance what’s on your unique food list, you can make much better decisions that support your health and well-being.

Just as pandas are highly specialized to do very well on bamboo, we have each evolved to do well on certain foods. What is on your traffic light green list?
Just as pandas are highly specialized to do very well on bamboo, we have each evolved to do well on certain foods. What is on your traffic light green list?

Unique Food List: Traffic Light Method

In June, I shared a blog post, How to eat is more important than what to eat. You can use the “traffic light” eating method to create your own personal power-food list of what to eat. Precision Nutrition coaches use this technique to help people identify foods that provide energy, help improve sleep, and support balanced moods.

Grab a pen and paper and jot down your thoughts as you read the following questions.

For families with "traffic light" lists that don't overlap on many items, restaurants can be amazing solutions as each person can order what they want.
For families with “traffic light” lists that don’t overlap on many items, restaurants can be amazing solutions as each person can order what they want.

Green-Light Foods: What Makes You Feel Awesome?

Green-light foods make you feel good nearly every time you eat them—physically and emotionally.

You digest them well, you like the taste, and you have a healthy relationship with them. (Read: You can count on them for regular nourishment; you’re not just calling them up when you’re emotionally challenged.)

These differ widely from person to person. My husband loves steak and Jasmine rice while I prefer pork and baby gold potatoes. And my daughter (bless her youth) can still eat gluten without problems.

By knowing what's on your unique food list you can customize salads so that they are delicious, nutritious, and health-supportive for you.
By knowing what’s on your unique food list you can customize salads so that they are delicious, nutritious, and health-supportive for you.

I work with a couple who have similar hiking and skiing objectives, but one swears by liver pate while the other must consume carbohydrates. Yes, cooking for each individual’s diet needs in a large family can be tricky. But start by looking for where your traffic light lists overlap. Maybe you can find foods everyone can enjoy — and feel good eating.

Yellow-Light Foods: What Foods Work — Sometimes?

You might like these foods, but when you eat them regularly or in larger portions, you don’t feel too great. For example, a small portion of lentils may be fine, but a big bowl makes you blame the dog for the sudden odor in the room.

Alcohol and organic chips could wind up in this category, but so could kale or tomatoes.

Homemade cheese bowls -- for those who can't eat gluten or deep-fried foods.
Homemade cheese bowls — for those who can’t eat gluten or deep-fried foods.

What’s more, these can change frequently. For months my husband was eating fermented foods (to my daughter’s dismay) and then realized something had changed. He shifted to adding tomato sauce or hot sauce for flavoring. I find that raw tomatoes sometimes give me cold sores, but cooking tomatoes in a gluten-free lasagna is fine.

Red-Light Foods: What Makes You Hide After Eating Them?

There is no “bad food” per se, but red-light foods sure can make you feel bad. They might cause allergic reactions or indigestion. They could contribute to diarrhea, constipation, or bloat. Certain foods might make you feel like you’ve gained fifteen pounds overnight. Or perhaps they make you feel like you’ve lost all control.

Ultra-processed foods fall into this category. Most people find that, once they start eating them, they can’t stop. These include doughnuts, cookies, chips, crackers, sugary cereals, and even some granola bars. Packed with sugar, fillers, sodium, and chemicals, they have been manufactured to make people buy more. Cha-ching!

I know that if I eat the concoction above I will have zero nourishment and 100% mood swings, not anything I want to do to my body.
I know that if I eat the concoction above I will have zero nourishment and 100% mood swings, not anything I want to do to my body.

So-called “healthy” foods can also be on a person’s red-light list. For example, if you have a reaction to shellfish, they’re red. If you experience diarrhea after having yogurt or milk, dairy foods may be red-light foods for you. I have found that I get congested and sniffly anytime I have the smallest amount of gluten.

While I do not have celiac disease (meaning I won’t die from gluten), my sensitivity means anything containing gluten is red. Once you’ve identified how to live a healthy lifestyle, you won’t want to go back to constant congestion.

Your Unique Food List Is Yours Alone

Consider how certain foods make you feel and think about yourself:

  • Does this food feel good in my body?
  • Do I get energy or feel sluggish after eating this food?
  • Does this food align with my culture and values, if that’s important to me?
  • Do I like how I behave when I’m around these foods?
  • Do I feel guilty about eating something?
My unique food list no longer includes cauliflower (bloat), but now I do well with red meat (yay protein and iron). Our list of optimal foods changes as we change.
My unique food list no longer includes cauliflower (bloat), but now I do well with red meat (yay protein and iron). Our list of optimal foods changes as we change.

When you choose foods that are from your green list, with a little yellow (think 10% “cheat meals” during a week, or two weekly meals), and avoid the red, you’ll probably find yourself eating much healthier. But more importantly, you’ll feel a greater sense of autonomy, flexibility, and enjoyment when you eat.

How have your food preferences changed over time? Do you have challenges in your household finding foods everyone can agree on? Leave a question or comment for me. I love hearing from readers.

Featured

Asking Good Questions on the Trail to Melakwa Lake

This week provided me with an overwhelming range of blog topics. Smoky Seattle skies, even as we’re nearing November. Our company’s upcoming launch of a reimagined website. A return to training in-person clients. And discovering that dropping our daughter off at college the fourth time hurt more than the first. Wanting to keep a positive vibe in my blog, I decided to share a fun discovery from a recent hike to Melakwa Lake: the power of asking good questions.

Maple leaves in full fall color as my hiking partner and I traded off asking good questions on the trail to Melakwa Lake.
Maple leaves in full fall color as my hiking partner and I traded off asking good questions on the trail to Melakwa Lake.

Where Is the Clean Air?

If you have been following my blog, you may recall questions I asked myself on a recent autumn hike to Granite Mountain. This time, one of my most important questions came to me the night before: where can I find clean air? It was hard to do this month, as the Pacific Northwest has been hit hard by some of the worst smoke yet, thanks to wildfires in the mountains and zero rain. I’d perused the AirNow.gov website for possible shifts in the winds, and we decided to go east of Snoqualmie.

As I approached milepost 35 on I-90, I could hardly make out the mountain ridge above. No way can we hike in this! However, once we pulled into the Denny Creek campground twelve miles beyond, my mood improved. Blue skies. No haze. No smoky stench. Mission accomplished. My soul sang. We’d finally get to hike again!

Ajax and I enjoyed Franklin Falls, a warm-up walk before our target hike. We picked up ten doggie bags and other trash items, reminiscent of 2021's OcTraPiMo, leaving the trail cleaner than we found it.
Ajax and I enjoyed Franklin Falls, a warm-up walk before our target hike. We picked up ten doggie bags and other trash items, reminiscent of 2021’s OcTraPiMo, leaving the trail cleaner than we found it.

What Makes for Good Questions?

As Ajax, my buddy, and I started up the trail, I eagerly anticipated the deep philosophical exchange that usually develops from our conversations. Later, in my never-ending quest to improve my communication skills, I tried to figure out what helps us have such great discussions. We have a knack for picking up right where we left off. In this case, our last hike together was four months ago. We also care deeply about each other. But perhaps it boils down to asking thought-provoking questions.

What are some of the qualities of good questions? Not only are they short, concise, and descriptive — and asked one at a time — but they also advance a conversation. They help you:

  • Avoid confusion
  • Provide additional information and clarification
  • Get the conversation flowing
  • Allow you to express your curiosity
  • Explore new directions
Smiles all around, in front of blazing red maple leaves.
Smiles all around, in front of blazing red maple leaves.

Tips for Asking Good Questions

Bobby Powers provides tips about how to phrase a question on Medium.com. My favorites are:

Ask What and How, not Why

“Why” questions tend to put people on the defensive and make them feel like they’re being grilled. “What” and “how” are more objective and neutral. “Why didn’t you do your homework?” is not a question any student wants to hear. Or answer. But “How much time have you spent on your homework?” or “What kind of assignments did your teachers give you this week?” may start a much more interesting — and engaging — conversation.

Upper Melakwa Lake with its crystal-clear blue sky, around noon on 10/18/22.
Upper Melakwa Lake with its crystal-clear blue sky, around noon on 10/18/22.

Embrace the Pause

“Silence is the noise thinking makes,” offers Powers. Sometimes when the conversation runs out, I wrack my brain trying to come up with the next topic. During this hike, I let silence come and go, and was pleasantly surprised when my buddy came up with some fascinating things to talk about. And questions of her own. By allowing for pauses and processing time, our conversations go even deeper. And if we happen to expose a raw nerve, then we both realize there’s plenty more to discuss, but we take a gentler approach. Win!

Ask Open-ended Questions

Ask open-ended questions that require more than a “yes,” “no,” “maybe” or “I don’t know” reply. In the world of work, “Do you want a new job?” won’t lead very far. Instead, “What sort of responsibilities are you looking for?” or “How would you like to spend your day at work?” provides room for rich discussion — and may not require a change of job after all.

Ajax agrees that we had near-perfect conditions on the hike up to Melakwa Lake on October 18, 2022.
Ajax agrees that we had near-perfect conditions on the hike up to Melakwa Lake on October 18, 2022.

Descending into the Smoke

We had both lakes entirely to ourselves. Unless you count the pair of chipmunks that made Ajax drool for fifteen minutes. As we made our way from Upper to Lower lake, a light breeze stirred, providing us with pleasant relief on an unseasonably warm October day. The levels of both rich emerald-green lakes were lower than usual, and the log jam we crossed to access Lower Lake was bone dry. The Cascade Mountains desperately need rain!

As we descended from Hemlock Pass, we caught our first whiff of smoke. It grew progressively worse, until the haze surrounded us. The breezes must have caused the smoke from fires to the west of us, on the ridge above Snoqualmie, to fill the valley. While we were never in danger, the air quality went from good to unhealthy within hours. Instead of pausing to soak our feet at the Denny Creek Water Slide, we continued directly to the car.

One last photo of colorful maples and a blue sky. In the right of the picture is the start of a smog layer that filled the valley and dried out our throats. But it was worth it.
One last photo of colorful maples and a blue sky. In the right of the picture is the start of a smog layer that filled the valley and dried out our throats. But it was worth it.

Take-Away: Quality First

My biggest takeaway from this hike, besides gratitude for the hours of clean air, is about appreciating the quality of good questions. It’s important to ask questions the right way because the multiverse will try to answer you. If you ask, “Why can’t I get this?” you’ll find the answer in the form of an excuse. If, instead, you ask, “What can I learn from this experience?” or “What might I try differently next time?” the answer will be much more instructive.

What is your experience with questions? How might you rephrase questions in the future to be more productive, more loving, and more supportive? Share in the Blog comments. We love to hear from readers.

Featured

How to Rewrite the Past for a Better Future

This week I’ve been reflecting on what 2022 means to me. This year marks two significant milestones: the thirty-year anniversary of completing my graduate degree at UW, and ten-year anniversary of Emily Day (our first family dog). But such thoughts conjure loss and sadness. Could I find a way to rewrite the past for a better future?

Emily on June 28, 2012. Her health had taken a nose dive at age 12.5 and we knew we had to say goodbye. We spent the morning of "Emily Day" celebrating her life by taking her on a car ride, providing her steak for lunch, and doling out huge dollops of love.
Emily on June 28, 2012. Her health had taken a nose dive at age 12.5 and we knew we had to say goodbye. We spent the morning of “Emily Day” celebrating her life by taking her on a car ride, providing her steak for lunch, and doling out huge dollops of love.

Finishing Graduate School, Joining Mountaineers

When I moved to Seattle in the fall of 1990, I had two large goals: to climb Mt. Rainier and to get a graduate degree from UW. I completed the first in May 1991 and the second in June 1992. To me, finishing school marked the end of a long but familiar chapter of my life. I knew how to be a student. But supporting myself seemed intimidating. While I figured out my next steps, I joined the Mountaineers in October 1992.

Flash forward thirty years. This week, I wrote a personal essay for the Mountaineers Magazine celebrating three decades of membership. I got to thinking: What if I reframed 1992 as the start of my life of outdoor adventure, something that carries energy and positivity?

A visit to UW Campus in March 2022, celebrating the cherry blossoms. The "prospective students information day" for my daughter couldn't have been timed any better.
A visit to UW Campus in March 2022, celebrating the cherry blossoms. The “prospective students information day” for my daughter couldn’t have been timed any better.

In my essay, I outlined how The Mountaineers has impacted me. It provides social connections, recreational fun, and adventures around the globe. I also find professional opportunities for writing, teaching, and coaching, and a way to enrich my family’s life. Reframing that year as a beginning, not an end, carries more power. Rewritten, 1992 was the year I committed to following my bliss and connecting with the natural world.

Rewrite the Past: Goodbye to a Pet, Hello to a Passion

Likewise, for a decade I’ve been remembering 2012 as the year Emily died. It took three years before we considered getting another dog. In August 2012, I received a postcard about Write on the Sound (WOTS), a small conference in Edmonds. I needed something to help me get over my grief and move forward again. Maybe formally studying the craft of writing could help.

I attended three full days of workshops and classes, grieving and crying between them. Two sessions stood out. One was about writing picture books for kids; the other was about dream interpretation. Both had a profound impact on me and have shaped me into the writer I am today.

Our daughter says her last goodbye to Emily before heading into the Zoo for summer day camp.
Our daughter says her last goodbye to Emily before heading into the Zoo for summer day camp.

Flash forward ten years. Last weekend marked a decade of attending WOTS. For the past four, I’ve helped run the conference as a member of the steering committee. In 2012, I never could have imagined standing here today: a member of two writers’ critique groups, a blog writer, and a conference co-host, teaching others how to find their unique voices and get unstuck. Could I reframe 2012 as the start of a glorious, challenging return to the world of writing?

Rewrite the Past: Surprising Writing Tips

Of all the wonderful sessions at last weekend’s conference, Shawn Wong, the Sunday plenary speaker, surprised me the most. A teacher at UW for 38 years, Wong moved the Zoom audience to tears with his stories about working with military vets through the Red Badge project. His advice to writers was threefold:

  • Write the truth, not just the facts
  • You can’t change the past, but you can change the message of the event
  • Writing should show what you are trying to learn, not what you already know
WOTS participants in 2019 enjoy lunch and conversation on a glorious fall day in Edmonds.
WOTS participants in 2019 enjoy lunch and conversation on a glorious fall day in Edmonds.

In this post, I am attempting to do all three. I am rewriting my interpretation of the past to be more positive. I now feel grateful for all that happened, good and bad, for I would not be who I am today without the valleys and peaks, darkness and light. My new goal is to focus on those past events that propelled me forward. My blog evolved not because I have answers, but because I’m trying to learn more in order to help my clients and readers.

Try It: Reframe Your Past for a Better Future

If you have followed my blog for a while, you may remember a previous post about reframing self-talk for greater positive gains. Rewriting narratives about your past does something similar. It gives you back control over what the past means to you.

Try This:

What story are you telling yourself that makes you sad?

What were some of the positives that came from experiencing that event? If you went through a divorce, for example, can you focus on the opportunities that followed or on what you learned from it?

Can you focus on the happy memories or life lessons a person taught you who might no longer be with us?

If you are working through the pain of an empty nest, could you look for ways to celebrate your new freedom or new ways to connect with your grown children?

Rewrite the past using reframing: I am grateful for the pain in my life -- including 9/11, the death of Emily, and COVID -- so that I could appreciate all the many joys including my dog Ajax, my lovely college daughter, my husband, my clients, and my blog readers.
Rewrite the past using reframing: I am grateful for the pain in my life — including 9/11, the death of Emily, and COVID — so that I could appreciate all the many joys including my dog Ajax, my lovely college daughter, my husband, my clients, and my blog readers.

If you struggle to rewrite any of your past hurts, please comment in the box below or contact me privately so that we might brainstorm possible ways to get past the pain and get you unstuck. I value and respect all comments and look forward to hearing from you. Rewrite those stories. Onward, upward, forward.

Featured

Walking Meditation: How to Enjoy Granite Mountain in Fall

Last Thursday, Ajax and I headed for Exit 47, one of my favorite hiking locations during the pandemic. We’d last hiked to Granite Mountain in August of 2021. The muggy, buggy, smoky hike had me questioning whether I’d made the right choice. There was no question this time. A momentary lull between forest fires meant crisp, clear air, fog, and low clouds. My daughter had successfully completed her first day of college classes. I had some downtime between clients. My husband had a full day of work. So, I seized some quiet time to reflect, move, and hopefully see a few views. What resulted was a beautiful walking meditation among the lovely fall foliage.

Thick fog blankets the avalanche chute as we made our way up Granite Mountain switchbacks.
Thick fog blankets the avalanche chute as we made our way up Granite Mountain switchbacks.

What is Walking Meditation?

My own form of “walking meditation” is different from popular literature. My definition incorporates the following elements from forays into forest bathing.

  • Feel the sensations of each part of your foot from heel to toe. Notice any hot spots or pebbles.
  • Walk with deliberate intention. Swing your arms freely. If you use a trekking pole, trade hands to stay in balance.
  • Let yourself notice the beauty surrounding you.
Sitka mountain ashes were absolutely stunning in their red and orange coats in the alpine meadows. Mother Nature's fall foliage has never been so beautiful.
Sitka mountain ashes were absolutely stunning in their red and orange coats in the alpine meadows. Mother Nature’s fall foliage has never been so beautiful.
  • Focus your attention on the breath, on a point in front of you, on sounds – pick one. It’s okay to shift, just notice when you do. Think of focus as a brain muscle that needs developing, like the heart needs cardiovascular training while the bones, tendons, joints, and ligaments need strength training.
  • Feel sensations of the breeze on your face, the cobwebs across the trail, the leaves under your feet, the sweat on your arms.
  • Notice when thoughts take over. Gently remind yourself that they are an interpretation in the present moment.
  • Release all “shoulds.”

Hiking Without Metrics

Whenever I hike with a human partner, I find I focus more on our conversation than on our surroundings. And as a trainer, I have been known to ask clients to track various aspects of their hikes including ascent time, moving time, elevation gain, and distance. This year, however, I hiked without a pedometer, Whoop strap, Oura ring, or GPS, to the surprise of some of my hiking partners. I always have my cell phone with me for emergencies, so I’m aware of the passage of time. But my focus is on staying comfortable. Moving how my body wants to (including dunking my feet). Enjoying whatever Mother Nature reveals. Being fully present at the moment, as much as possible.

Hiking buddy Ajax waits on the boulders in the avalanche gully.
Hiking buddy Ajax waits on the boulders in the avalanche gully.

Thoughts During the Ascent

For this walking meditation, we left the trailhead at 6:45 with only one person on the trail ahead of us. For the next few hours, we had the mountain all to ourselves. I had plenty of time to think. But some of my thoughts were rather unexpected. And they bumped all over the place, revealing my present state of mind.

Our walking meditation revealed Mother Nature's finest colors.
Our walking meditation revealed Mother Nature’s finest colors.

Everyone who is loving and human has (or will have) variations of these thoughts at some point in their lives. But walking meditation enables you to recognize them as thoughts and let them float by. I was not out there to solve anything, necessarily. I was out there to let myself be, thoughts and all. And hopefully come back grounded.

Alone: What Is Your Reaction to Solitude?

I also spent more time than I expected thinking about the survival reality series, Alone. My husband and I stumbled across season eight on Netflix several weeks ago, and it captivated us so strongly that we started watching previous seasons on the History channel.

What compels a person to leave their homes and families for an unknown period of time? at an unspecified location? with ten pieces of survival gear and no water or food? What do they discover about themselves in the wilderness, and what makes them tap out (quit the contest)? Some of the show’s participants last less than 24 hours. Would we run into bears on the mountain like the participants? What would I do if one of us got injured?

A bountiful array of colors filled the basin below Granite Mountain's summit.
A bountiful array of colors filled the basin below Granite Mountain’s summit.

How long would I last off-grid, in an area where there are cougars, bears, and wolves, without human contact? The answer? Probably about three days, which was how long I lasted last December before I insisted on getting home to my daughter, my husband, and my dog. Certainly not the months that winners endure. On this hike to Granite Mountain, I didn’t find answers to my musings. I found something better.

Walking Meditation: Nature Replaces Thoughts

Once we hiked past the forest switchbacks and started up the avalanche gully where the maples, blueberry and huckleberry bushes, and mountain ashes were turning color, the chatter in my mind finally stilled. Mother Nature captivated me with her beautiful artwork. The foliage was even more splendid than the previous week’s hike to Gem and Snow Lakes. Jaw-dropping colors at every turn demanded to be photographed. I obliged.

View looking east from the Lookout Tower on Granite Mountain. The summer "main trail" weaves through the basin in the center of the photo and eastbound I-90 can be seen behind the mountain far left.
View looking east from the Lookout Tower on Granite Mountain. The summer “main trail” weaves through the basin in the center of the photo and eastbound I-90 can be seen behind the mountain far left.

When we reached the summit at 9:30, we enjoyed it for over half an hour, all to ourselves. I jotted down thoughts and ideas I’d had during our hike in my journal. I recalled the nasty mosquitoes I’d had to fight off the previous August and starred in the margin, “Shoulder season on Granite Mountain – NO BUGS, no people, A-MA-ZING colors.”

Musings on the Descent

On the way down, my thoughts traveled along a much different path. No need to worry about bears with hikers giggling and chattering loudly on the way up. But instead of getting annoyed, I felt relieved. I was not a contestant on Alone, after all. There were humans around me. Not many, but enough. I’d had my “me time” and felt ready to rejoin civilization. I didn’t have answers, but I was newly grounded. Nature’s beauty healed something within and gave me courage and fortitude to face whatever obstacles come next. I was right where I needed to be, both on the trail and in my life.

Ajax on the trail through Granite's alpine meadow.
Ajax on the trail through Granite’s alpine meadow.

How does hiking change you? Does it challenge, frustrate, or ground you? How? Please share your insights, reactions, or comments below. We love hearing from readers.

Featured

How to Savor Moments: Lessons from Kenai Fjords

For the middle part of our 12-day Alaska vacation, we left Denali National Park and drove six hours south to Seward, AK. Our primary adventure was an all-day boat tour with Major Marine Tours. We chose to visit Kenai Fjords National Park‘s Northwestern Fjord. Boat tours represent a “Venn diagram” (intersection) experience for us. We each have our own ideas for how best to savor moments. My husband wanted to photograph seabirds, including several we’d never seen before. I focus on marine mammals and glaciers. And my daughter loves to capture moments with her watercolors.

To savor Kenai Fjords, we enlisted the help of Major Marine Tours. Our destination: Northwestern Fjord 8.5 hours round trip out of Resurrection Bay, AK.
To savor Kenai Fjords, we enlisted the help of Major Marine Tours. Our destination: Northwestern Fjord 8.5 hours round trip out of Resurrection Bay, AK.

Visiting Kenai Fjords

Kenai Fjords National Park can be enjoyed in several ways. You can visit by air, which we chose not to investigate. By land, you can hike to the Exit Glacier Overlook or the Harding Icefield Trail. We chose to explore the Northwestern Fjord by Major Marine Tours’ 8.5-hour encounter. It provided us access to the widest variety of tidewater, piedmont, hanging, and cirque glaciers. It also would give us the best opportunity to spot the most seabirds and marine mammals.

Hanging Glacier in Resurrection Bay. The clouds added an eeriness to the cruise that made everything feel more rugged and wild.
Hanging Glacier in Resurrection Bay. The clouds added an eeriness to the cruise that made everything feel more rugged and wild.

Wildlife in Resurrection Bay

On August 30, under mostly cloudy skies, the water was about as calm as it ever gets, according to our tour crew. Nevertheless, recalling a miserable experience during a pelagic trip years earlier, I took a dose of Dramamine before boarding. The Orca Song is a 65-foot monohull boat outfitted for 128 passengers. As long as I stayed outside the main cabin, I felt fine.

A drowsy sea otter rests in Resurrection Bay.
A drowsy sea otter rests in Resurrection Bay.

As we made our way across Resurrection Bay, I kept my eyes on the many cirque glaciers (alpine ice fields high in the mountains) as each one has differing characteristics.

Our first wildlife spotting was a sea otter resting on its back, hind flippers in the air. We learned that they have two layers of incredibly dense fur, more than a million fibers per square inch, and are the only marine mammals without blubber to keep them warm. Another curious otter swam toward us, effortlessly. My husband stayed on the lookout for kittiwakes, tufted and horned puffins, bald eagles, and cormorants. I hoped to add seals, sea lions, and whales to our list of marine mammals.

Horned puffin taking flight.
A horned puffin takes flight. No matter how clumsy your attempt looks, if it works and moves you forward, use it.

Savor Moments: Spire Cove

As we moved out of Resurrection Bay toward Northwestern Fjords, we navigated closer to land. We spotted a pair of bald eagles, tufted and horned puffins, and cormorants, visiting both nesting and resting spots for birds and mammals. One unique stop was at a pretty area our captain called Cathedral Spires, but online was referred to as Spire Cove. I overheard one tour participant say it reminded her of Vietnam (where I’ve never been.)

How to Savor Moments: Lessons from Kenai Fjords
Cathedral Spires instilled quiet awe within me as we meandered carefully among these green-tipped knolls, reminding me of hoodoos in Bryce Canyon. They reminded me to take time to breathe, look around, and savor the moment.

Resting Sea Lions

Beyond Spire Coves, our captain led us to pull-out places to see seals and sea lions. On the leeward side, opposite the crashing surf of the Pacific Ocean, we enjoyed visiting dozens of sea lions pulled out resting with their pups. I marveled at what they found as suitable “beds,” as it looks to me like they could either roll into the water from the slopes or get jagged cuts in their blubbery hides.

How to Savor Moments: Lessons from Kenai Fjords

Savor Moments: Calving Tidewater Glaciers

As we made our way into the Northwestern Fjord, I remained outside taking photographs of a beautiful rainbow while most guests ate lunch. We visited one hanging and two tidewater glaciers. Their deep blue color was stunning. Chunks of ice floating in the water dwarfed several kayaks that dared to get close.

Two kayaks meander among the ice chunks, providing perspective as to just how much ice is tied up in these glaciers.
Two kayaks meander among the ice chunks, providing perspective as to just how much ice is tied up in these glaciers.

Once we were close enough, the captain silenced the engine for several minutes and safely positioned the boat so we could hear the groaning and moaning of the shifting ice. Rocks and ice tumbled from high on the glaciers and plunged into the sea, sending up clouds of ice dust and adding to the debris in the fjord. Nothing that would sink the Titanic, but we could certainly hear them clunking against the boat’s hull.

Author and teen daughter in front of the immense calving glaciers of Northwestern Fjord.
Author and teen daughter in front of the immense calving glaciers of Northwestern Fjord.

A steward pulled large chunks of ice into the boat and explained why glacier ice appears to be blue. Glacier ice is buried under many layers of ice and snow. The layers press the air out of the deep layers, causing ice to form large, dense crystals. These crystals scatter short-wave blue light, making deep layers of ice appear blue. But when large chunks of ice fall into the fjord, they look pretty much like we’d expect.

Our daughter holds a chunk of glacier ice that was saved and shaved for margaritas.
Our daughter holds a chunk of glacier ice that was rescued and shaved for margaritas.

Haul-outs for Seals

As we slowly retreated from the glaciers, we could see many years of compressed snow and ice floating in the fjord. On some of them, seal mothers pulled out to rest with their pups. We puttered slowly through the ice so as not to disturb the resting families. So adorable!

Glacier ice provides important rest pull-outs for seal mothers and their pups.
Glacier ice provides important rest pull-outs for seal mothers and their pups.

We learned that the average temperature within the park in late August and early September ranges from 37-44 degrees F. We’d brought wool hats, mittens, and our warmest coats specifically for the marine tour. Such attire allowed us to stay comfortable outside for hours despite overcast skies and ice surrounding us.

I didn’t envy the seals in such harsh, cold conditions, but then again, they have protective blubber insulation an inch thick, everywhere but their fins.

Mother seal and pup take a rest on a pull-out iceberg in Northwestern Fjord.
Mother seal and pup take a rest on a pull-out ice chunk in Northwestern Fjord.

Savor Moments: Orcas

Our last marine mammal sighting included two dozen Orca whales. In Washington pre-COVID, we used to go on whale-watching trips through Island Adventures several times a year. To see two resident pods in Alaska reminded me of everything we’ve missed during the past thirty months. In that small moment, I was reminded of all the good things we used to enjoy that we can finally do again. Another moment to savor.

Savor moments such as this. Embrace your family and community members like the two dozen Orcas we saw before finishing our one-day tour.
Savor moments such as this. Embrace your family and community members like the two dozen Orcas we saw before finishing our one-day tour.

Savor Moments: Take-Aways

A wise coach, Tama Kieves, this week asked, “How can you reframe losing into expanding?” How can we appreciate MORE those things that we lost, that we now have again, perhaps in a new way? Can we turn our losses into necessary teachable moments and move forward with our newfound resilience and wisdom?

The author, close-up and intimate with a waterfall near Resurrection Bay, AK. Whatever you desire, go after it with a whole heart. Trust your inner wisdom.
The author, close-up and intimate with a waterfall near Resurrection Bay, AK. Whatever you desire, go after it with a whole heart. Trust your inner wisdom.

While I will always have fond memories of the eight years that I volunteered at Woodland Park Zoo, nothing quite compares to appreciating wild animals in their natural environment. Major Marine Tours provided me with a very special birthday experience I will always remember. And reflecting provides us with ongoing lessons for growth and change if we allow ourselves time to stop and reflect.

What recent losses have you experienced that you can reframe into gains? Share them in the comments. I love to hear from readers and your comments help others grow, connect, and learn.

Featured

How to Learn from Alpine Autumn Changes

Since returning from Alaska, I’ve been eager to visit the Alpine Lakes region to see how autumn is progressing. Last week I learned that the trail to Snow and Gem Lakes has been repaired and reopened. So a friend and I decided to explore. I needed to process my daughter starting college (Convocation is today!) and hoped Mother Nature could provide solace from the tears. She provided the perfect metaphor for me to learn from alpine autumn changes. The lovely weather, beautiful fall colors, hidden blueberries, daunting challenge of a talus slope, and barefoot dip in Gem Lake paralleled my daughter’s own adventures at the University of Washington.

Ajax, T, and I enjoyed the overcast approach to Snow and Gem Lakes.
Ajax, T, and I enjoyed the overcast approach to Snow and Gem Lakes.

Perfect Conditions

At just after 8 a.m. on 9/23/22, the three of us headed up the trail. The forecast was for overcast skies, high 50’s, and a light breeze. Perfect hiking weather. Between conversations, my thoughts wandered to my daughter and what she might be doing on campus the weekend before her first quarter of college classes.

Fortunately, Mother Nature grounded me in the present moment. As soon as I spotted the first maples and Sitka mountain ashes in brilliant red and orange, I could only whip out my camera and search for more. Mission accomplished: beautiful colors. Absolutely breathtaking.

A brilliant maple, evidence of alpine autumn changes. Maples are common in Western MA, where I fell in love with their beauty in college. Our daughter visited Seattle's U. WA campus in May when the cherry blossoms were in full bloom.
A brilliant maple, evidence of alpine autumn changes. Maples are common in Western MA, where I fell in love with their beauty in college. Our daughter visited Seattle’s U. WA campus in May when the cherry blossoms were in full bloom.

As we returned to the cars hours later, the sun came out. It gently reminded me that my daughter will struggle and succeed. She will face stormy and sunny days, ups and downs. The only constant we face is change. Change in her living situation and growing independence. For me, coming to terms with the fact that she no longer needs me in the same way.

Our new role as parents of a college student is to support her, be a sounding board when she has questions, and let her assume an active role in navigating her college landscape. May there be as much beauty and a comparable road map for her journey as we had going to Snow and Gem Lakes.

A tarn (foreground) with the larger Snow Lake behind it, on our way back from Gem Lake.
A tarn (foreground) with the larger Snow Lake behind it, on our way back from Gem Lake.

Alpine Autumn Changes: Hidden Blueberries

We paused for a short rest stop at Snow Lake before continuing toward Gem Lake. I discovered we were in prime blueberry terrain. Score! I picked a few small ripe ones and was instantly rewarded with purple smudges on my fingers and a delicious burst of refreshing sweetness on my tongue.

A ripe wild blueberry dangles below reddening leaves, waiting to be picked.
A ripe wild blueberry dangles below reddening leaves, waiting to be picked.

The berries reminded me of a huckleberry hike to Mt. Catherine we did together as a family in 2021. The fruits were like hidden gems, shielded by the changing leaves. Similarly, I’m sure my daughter will find hidden gems at school if she stays on the lookout for them.

The week before University of Washington classes start, the college offers dozens of daily Dawg Daze activities. Sporting events, visits to the Zoo, and impromptu art gatherings. Foot races, movies, and pre-football game face painting.

Like me, my daughter is not much of a joiner, but I truly hope she finds a few tiny gems, moments with a friend here or sunrise there, a class she falls in love with, or a special location she visits repeatedly like Drumheller Fountain.

Uphill Climb of a Talus Slope

Just when I was convinced that “a little farther” would soon become “we’re here,” we faced the most intimidating part of the 11.3-mile hike. Our obstacle? A talus slope that seemed to swallow up the boot path. Momentarily discouraged, I waited for T. to catch up so she could have the final say.

The more we studied the slope, the more we realized that the path through the rocks was fairly level and crested not too far away. We decided we were so close, we might as well finish it up. And what a great decision it was. Other than the two gentlemen right behind us, we had the lake to ourselves and great views in every direction.

The final talus slope just about turned us around. Until we examined where the path went and decided it didn't look too bad. May my daughter, as a new university student, find her roadmap through the next four years and be as filled with excitement about the prospects as I was on reaching this slope.
The final talus slope just about turned us around. Until we examined where the path went and decided it didn’t look too bad. May my daughter, as a new university student, find her roadmap through the next four years and be as filled with excitement about the prospects as I was on reaching this slope.

The takeaway lesson for my daughter is to encourage her to persevere, even when the path is not apparent. To ask questions of those around you who might help. Collaborate. Gather more information. Then proceed, knowing you can always pause, turn around, or try something else.

Alpine Autumn Changes: Cold Dip in Gem Lake

The final lesson involves nurturing. I’ve developed a new hiking ritual this year. If my destination includes a lake, I take off my boots once I get there, so I can dunk my feet. Since we were visiting two lakes, I waited until we got to Gem, a lake I’ve never visited before. T took a pass, but Ajax joined me. It even looked like he wanted to go swimming.

The only constant in my life today is my faithful hiking companion, Ajax. How much longer will a 7-year-old dog be able to hike 12-15 miles? That, too, will eventually change.
The only constant in my life today is my faithful hiking companion, Ajax. How much longer will a 7-year-old dog be able to hike 12-15 miles? That, too, will eventually change.

Once again, I thought about my daughter and how she’s taking the plunge into a mighty big lake. The University of Washington admitted 7,000 first-year students this fall, 3.5 times more people than the whole of my own undergraduate experience. Talk about overwhelming! But if we can nurture her own process of finding courage, and support her to take tiny steps — maybe not her whole body at first, just her toes — she can gradually build her confidence that she can swim without sinking.

Final Words

Hokey though it may be, turning my hike experience into a life metaphor helped me feel better. It reminded me that change is a constant we can neither control nor prevent. What we CAN control is our mindset and attitude. The more I experience nature to stay grounded, centered, and connected to what matters most to me, the more gracefully I’ll handle this transition to an “empty nest.”

A final look at Snow Lake before we crested the pass and headed back to the car. Sometimes the path is more easily identified by looking backward than forward. May my daughter find a map forward to make looking back more fun.
A final look at Snow Lake before we crested the pass and headed back to the car. Sometimes the path is more easily identified by looking backward than forward. May my daughter find a map forward to make looking back more fun.

Can lessons from nature help YOU make some big changes this fall? Please share your thoughts in the comments below.

Featured

Something for Everyone in Denali National Park

Recent blog posts focused on how to plan a multi-faceted family vacation and embark on an adventure into mindfulness while looking for wildlife in Denali National Park. Whether you are a thrill-seeker, a dog lover, an off-trail scrambler, or a scenery lover, the park has something for everyone. Read about whitewater rafting. Visit the only canine ranger kennel in the national parks system. Take a short scramble at Savage River. Fall in love with the park like we did.

Our daughter mimics a caribou in front of the Denali National Park and Preserve entry sign.
Our daughter mimics a caribou in front of the Denali National Park and Preserve entry sign.

For the Thrill-Seeker: Whitewater Rafting

I asked my husband and daughter whether they wanted to try whitewater rafting. My daughter has done a few rafting trips with the Seattle Mountaineers. But it has been years since my husband and I have. They both suggested that we try the Canyon Whitewater Run.

Denali Raft Adventures outfitted us in dry suits and paddles. We spent two hours paddling on the Nenana River, just outside Denali National Park. Luc, our guide, joked that we had to test out the new dry suits. I chose to be brave and slipped into the river at his signal. Their dry suit kept me both warm and dry, clear up to my neck. Getting back in the boat, however, proved challenging. Fortunately, my husband is strong and in two tries, managed to pull me back in. If you have thrill-seeking teens, we recommend going rafting.

The Denali area has something for everyone. For the thrill-seeker in us, we chose to go whitewater rafting.
The Denali area has something for everyone. For the thrill-seeker in us, we chose to go whitewater rafting.

Something for Everyone: Canine Rangers

Another great family activity was visiting the park’s huskies. Denali NP is the only U.S. national park with canine rangers. The park limits motorized vehicles in winter, but rangers still have work to do. Huskies to the rescue! We got to visit their 31 adult dogs (and 3 puppies) who work as sled dogs in the winter and enjoy rest during the summer.

Canine rangers stand at attention, ready to work at the signal.
Canine rangers stand at attention, ready to work at the signal.

As part of their free 4 p.m. “sled dog tour,” we watched the 3 puppies “race” back to their kennels. They also have a sled demonstration during earlier tours. The tour is a perfect activity for people of all ages and abilities.

Meet the 2022 Canine Rangers, huskies who reside in Denali National Park.
Meet the 2022 Canine Rangers, the huskies who reside in Denali National Park.

For the Scrambler: Savage River

If you have kids who like getting vertical, then they’ll enjoy Savage River (Milepost 15). The park runs a free Savage River shuttle to help reduce car traffic. Lots of people also explore the braided river beds and hike on established trails.

Our daughter will hike with us if she has a friend along, a geocache to find, or berries to pick. Walking along a road looking for animals and birds? She’ll do it in moderation. When I asked if she wanted to scramble up some rocks, she agreed. While it may not be the miles and gain I enjoy with my dog Ajax, I was eager to explore anywhere, especially with company.

The short scramble took no more than thirty minutes round trip, but it provided a welcome interlude following the morning shuttle ride and afternoon search for animals. We were fortunate to have overcast skies but no rain for the first four days of our trip. We took some cool panorama shots to conclude our last afternoon in Denali National Park.

The author's husband and teenage daughter pose for a picture on the "summit" of a Savage River scramble overlooking the parking lot.
The author’s husband and teenage daughter pose for a picture on the “summit” of a Savage River scramble overlooking the parking lot.

Something for Everyone: Especially Scenery Lovers

Finally, if you want to see amazing scenery, Denali National Park is unparalleled in its beauty. Especially if you are lucky enough to visit at the tail end of the season when the alpine tundra turns vibrant colors. Every turn we took, we saw more mountains, more distant snowfields, and more profiles of animals on the ridgeline.

The braided river bed (and bridge) at Savage River, Milepost 15, in Denali National Park from our "scramble" overlook.
The braided river bed (and bridge) at Savage River, Milepost 15, in Denali National Park from our scramble overlook.

Each of our park adventures reminded me of elements I’ve enjoyed at home. Climbing is definitely for both the thrill-seeker and the scrambler. I don’t know what I’d do without dogs in my life; seeing the huskies made me miss and appreciate my hiking companion back home. And I continue to enjoy hiking and exploring the beauty of trails in the state of Washington.

Do your vacations reflect activities you love back home? Or do you try to explore things you’ve never done before? Please share any reflections or comments below. I always love to hear from readers.

Featured

Mindful in Denali While Searching for the Big Five

Continuing from last week, this post is the second in a series about my family’s recent 12-day Alaskan vacation. Included are several exercises to increase mindful awareness. I’ve blended them with musings about my journey to remain mindful in Denali while searching for grizzly bears, moose, caribou, Dall sheep, and wolves.

Female moose foraging for food in Denali National Park.
Female moose foraging for food in Denali National Park.

Mindfulness Versus Meditation

This week several clients asked me to differentiate between “mindfulness” and “meditation.” I am not formally trained to teach either. But my understanding is that meditation is a process of clearing the mind by focusing on your breath while letting troublesome thoughts float by. Yoga is a popular example of meditation.

Mindfulness, on the other hand, is the practice of staying in the present. It involves paying attention to now, rather than worrying about the future or fretting about the past. I have had far more “success” with mindfulness than with meditation. Perhaps because I can practice mindfulness while brushing my teeth, walking Ajax, washing dishes, or taking photographs.

Grizzly bear foraging for berries and tubers beside a stream wash.
Grizzly bear foraging for berries and tubers beside a stream wash.

When Mindfulness Doesn’t Work

I found myself reflecting on my mental state during our recent Alaska trip. One of our favorite activities on family vacations is to photograph wildlife, whether we are on a boat, looking for birds, or driving park roads. Denali National Park is known for five large mammals, fondly referred to as the big five. We located all but wolves.

Admittedly, there were times I caught myself not being mindful. Was my daughter enjoying her graduation trip? Should I have used a different camera carrier than the one draped awkwardly across my body? Would one can of bear spray be enough if we had another unexpected encounter with a grizzly? My standing joke is, “I worry so bad things won’t happen.” How much better would my experiences be if I ditch worry and focus on NOW?

This male caribou seemed as fascinated by us as we were with him. I remain stunned by the gorgeous autumn colors we were fortunate to see.
This male caribou seemed as fascinated by us as we were with him. I remain stunned by the gorgeous autumn colors we were fortunate to see.

Try This #1

Provided are a few thought exercises to help you explore mindfulness. Try recording the answers to the following questions to tune in to what you are doing RIGHT NOW:

  • How are you feeling? Where do you feel it?
  • What do you need? A drink of water, a nap, a bite of chocolate, a walk? Can you give it to yourself?
  • If you could have anything, what would you love today? A massage, a million-dollar bonus, a new boss? The sky is the limit.
  • What are you most proud of from today, this week, and this month? Consider reviewing my post on gratitude.
While exploring sounds in Denali as we walked the road near MP 43, we kept hearing odd squeaks reminding me of pikas and marmots. We finally located the source, a family of cute Arctic ground squirrels.
While exploring sounds in Denali as we walked the road near MP 43, we kept hearing odd squeaks reminding me of pikas and marmots. We finally located the source, a family of cute Arctic ground squirrels.

Mindful in Denali: Logistics of Animal Searches

To look for wildlife in Denali, we first needed to understand where we were allowed to go to look for animals. Denali National Park limits car traffic on the paved road to Savage River (MP 15). Beyond that, a narrated bus or a shuttle bus from the bus depot near the park entrance at MP .5 was the only motorized option. We could also bike or walk. In late summer 2022, Denali’s single road was only open as far as milepost 43, due to the Pretty Rocks landslide. We chose the shuttle bus.

We have seen moose on trips to the Tetons, Glacier, and Yellowstone National Parks, but we'd heard they're much more prevalent in Alaska, even in Anchorage. We spotted four on our jaunt north toward Denali National Park.
Moose are also visible in the Tetons, Glacier, and Yellowstone National Parks, but we’d heard they’re much more prevalent in Alaska, even in Anchorage. We spotted four on our jaunt north toward Denali National Park.

The mammals we were looking for forage during the morning and evening hours. Our primary access limitations were our teen daughter’s sleeping needs and available seats in the shuttle buses. The two days we took the bus, we reached our exploration areas around noon. Fortunately, plenty of animals graze all day long.

We knew from six visits to Yellowstone National Park that we’d each need a good pair of binoculars, especially to spot wolves and Dall sheep. My husband and I had our digital cameras ready, as our cell phones don’t take good wildlife close-ups.

Our shuttle bus driver pointed out tips about local landmarks as he drove, including slowing down for photographs of wildlife near — or in — the road. All the photos included in this post were taken using a 100-400 mm lens so we would not interrupt their natural behavior.

This male caribou wandered across the road without much concern about the tin boxes traveling around him.
This male caribou wandered across the road without much concern about the tin boxes traveling around him.

Try This: #2

If you have 15-20 minutes available, go for a sensory walk someplace you don’t normally visit. Do NOT listen to music or record steps on a biometric device. Take yourself off autopilot and sink into the moment. A watch is okay if you need to be back at a certain time.

  • What do you see?
  • Can you identify any new scents? What do you smell? Are they pleasant or not?
  • Listen to as many things as you can hear. Can you find ten distinct sounds? Learning birdsong is a great way to activate your hearing.
Rock Ptarmigan in summer plumage.
Rock Ptarmigan in summer plumage.
  • Pay attention to the breeze, textures, sense of heat or cold, and sun on your face. What do you feel?
  • Do you “taste” anything around you? Berries, the aroma of coffee, or the ‘taste’ of wildfire smoke?
  • Finally, do you feel safe? Harried? Nervous? Relaxed? What contributes to your overall interpretation of sensory input?

Unexpected Delights from Being Mindful in Denali

What we missed by arriving at the start of Alaska’s rainy season, we more than made up for by hitting the jaw-dropping autumn colors perfectly. If I’d been too focused on finding the animals, I might not have fully appreciated the beauty surrounding us. What’s more, we learned more about animal behavior by being fully open to the experience.

The driver told us that bull moose were congregating for their annual rut. We could also see various stages of velvet on the caribou’s antlers. By doing plenty of research ahead of time, we knew what to expect and where we might find birds and mammals. Consider creating a “perhaps list” so that you have plenty of options to choose from. And reflect on the type of animal behavior you are interested in seeing so that you can time your trip based on what you’re likely to see.

Dall sheep high up in an alpine tundra meadow. We spotted a dozen as we walked east from Icicle Canyon.
Dall sheep high up in an alpine tundra meadow. We spotted a dozen as we walked east from Igloo Creek Campground at MP 33.6.

Try This: #3

As you go about your daily business, pause every so often and look around you. Notice how the light hits the clock. Watch dust motes float in the sun. Observe how your hands play in the suds while doing dishes. The more we can bring awareness and attention to what we are doing, the more we will be able to appreciate the present moment. We live NOW, not tomorrow or yesterday.

While shooting photos of wildlife, I am fully focused on the present moment: what I can see, hear, and feel. I was mindful in Denali when we spotted this foraging grizzly bear.

While shooting photos of wildlife, I am fully focused on the present moment: what I can see, hear, and feel. I was mindful in Denali when we spotted this foraging grizzly bear.

As always, if you have experiences you’d like to share related to mindfulness or novelty, please feel free to share them in the comments so that we can all learn, grow, and discuss.

Featured

How to Plan a Great Alaska Vacation

My teenage daughter, husband, and I just spent twelve wonderful days exploring south-central Alaska. A friend asked, how did you plan such a great Alaska vacation? I glibly replied that it took months. Realizing that I didn’t really answer her question, I thought it might make a fun blog topic to kick off a series of posts featuring Alaska musings and photos.

Planning a vacation is much like pursuing any important goal, whether you want to write a novel, change jobs, climb a mountain, or start a new hobby.

A grizzly bear forages near the road in Denali National Park. I couldn't get enough of the mammals and gorgeous fall colors.
A grizzly bear forages near the road in Denali National Park. I couldn’t get enough of the mammals and gorgeous fall colors.

Start By Knowing Your Parameters

The first step in planning anything is to consider all your parameters. In June when we asked our daughter where she’d like to go for her graduation present, she mentioned Alaska. We got to work researching possibilities. When we knew our budget, roughly what we wanted to see and do, and how long we could travel, we tried to figure out when we could take two weeks of vacation.

Our best look at Denali on day 4 as we left the area. My highest priority was spending time viewing wildlife in Denali National Park, while hopefully getting a glimpse of North America's highest mountain.
Our best look at Denali on day 4 as we left the area. My highest priority was spending time viewing wildlife in Denali National Park, while hopefully getting a glimpse of North America’s highest mountain.

Time — Duration, Time of Year

Time turned out to be a crucial consideration. Our daughter starts college in mid-September, so we originally considered going right after Labor Day. Such a late trip could mean shoulder-season prices and fewer tourists. But that far north, many of the activities we wanted to do (i.e. white water rafting, glacier cruising, visiting Denali National Park, and seeing wildlife) would already be ending for the season. We settled on August 24-September 3.

We were lucky enough to see the Northern Lights on our last evening in Anchorage (9/3/22). I'd written it off early in the planning as I thought the longer daylight would make it impossible to see unless we were up very late at night.
We were lucky enough to see the Northern Lights on our last evening in Anchorage (9/3/22). I’d written it off early in the planning as I thought the longer daylight would make it impossible to see unless we were up very late at night.

Location — Regions, Cities, National Parks

I love to photograph wildlife, especially bears in their natural habitat. We learned that the best photo opportunities with grizzly bears would be at Brooks Falls in July when the salmon return to spawn. Missed it. We decided not to drive all the way to Homer, which is the closest place to catch a plane to visit the Brooks Falls bears (click the link to see live bear cam action!). Homer is also popular for fishing; since we don’t fish, eliminating it resulted in a driving corridor between Denali and Kenai Fjords National Parks, roughly six hours apart with Anchorage falling between.

We bought tickets for flights between Anchorage and SeaTac and finalized our itinerary:

  • 4 nights in Cantwell in an air B&B RV, 20 miles south of Denali National Park
  • 3 nights in Seward in a small cabin air B&B, 6 miles north of the small boat harbor and close to a fish weir
  • 4 nights in Anchorage in the bottom half of a house, centrally located a few miles south of the airport
The foliage in Denali National Park was just changing colors. Late August is already fall in central to north Alaska while our home city of Seattle remained deep in summer.
The foliage in Denali National Park was just changing colors. Autumn reaches central Alaska in late August, whereas Seattle remains summer-like until mid-September.

Transportation and Lodging

We reserved a rental car from Enterprise; we chose a small car for three and our luggage, without extras. But we understand it’s not necessary to drive in Alaska like it is the lower 48. Taking the train is a fun option, and boats and seaplanes go everywhere. Because we value our independence and steer clear of large organized groups, it made the most sense for us.

As for lodging, we enjoy staying at air B&Bs, to see how people in the region live. Our RV was definitely the coldest, most remote, and most cramped stay, but we also got the best night’s sleep there. And the hospitality our Anchorage host gave us — danishes for breakfast, homegrown flowers on the stairs, and conversation around his fire pit the last night — was unprecedented.

This lovely display of homemade dahlias was arranged by our Anchorage host, Javier.
This lovely display of homemade dahlias was arranged by our Anchorage host, Javier.

Add Activities — Rafting, Panning for Gold, and More

The final stage of planning included what we would do each day. This task usually falls to me. The week before our trip, I ran into some glitches with my computer and lost hours’ worth of research and planning. Twice. By the time I had our final itinerary ready the day before we departed, I knew exactly what we were going to do.

How to Plan a Great Alaska Vacation
Our time around Anchorage included visiting a Musk Ox Farm (the only one in the world) in Palmer, an hour north.

Our family adventures included:

  • Visiting Denali National Park
  • Meeting Working Huskies in DNP
  • Wildlife photography and hiking from DNP shuttles
  • White water rafting in Denali
The well-trained, oh-so-attentive Denali sled dogs and their kennels went on high alert just before their show.
The well-trained, oh-so-attentive Denali sled dogs and their kennels went on high alert just before their show.
  • Birding and photography throughout the trip
  • Tracking license plates — forty states and five Canadian provinces were represented!
  • Taking a birthday cruise to Northwestern Glacier in Kenai Fjords National Park out of Seward
The author with her tall college-bound daughter in front of Northwest Glacier. Not sure what she was standing on...
The author with her tall college-bound daughter in front of Northwest Glacier. Not sure what she was standing on…
How to Plan a Great Alaska Vacation

Enjoy Your Great Alaska Vacation

After all of that planning, what remained was to go and enjoy ourselves. Except we forgot one major thing: Alaska does not recognize T-mobile, our cell phone provider. As soon as we landed in Anchorage, before our drive north, we had to locate a place that sold SIM cards so we could still place calls to local restaurants and shops. It’s not something we ever thought to check, but next time we travel anywhere, we certainly will!

The other big takeaway is you cannot possibly visit all of Alaska in one trip. Pick a national park or two. Choose a region. Narrow it down to a few favorite activities. Our twelve-day trip was an appetizer. The four adjectives I’ve used the most this week are vast, rugged, varied, and beautiful.

If you are considering a visit to Alaska, plan on staying for a month or two. July is their dry season, while late August is considered the start of autumn. And we never had an issue with mosquitoes!

MOOOOOSE! A great Alaska vacation for me includes Dall sheep, grizzly bears, caribou, and moose. If you also see a wolf you've "hit a grand slam."
MOOOOOSE! A great Alaska vacation for me includes Dall sheep, grizzly bears, caribou, and moose. If you also see a wolf you’ve “hit a grand slam.”

Now the fun starts: processing over 2000 photographs and all we experienced while avoiding anticipointment. In the words of Arnold Schwarzenegger, “I’ll be back.” As you read this blog, if you found yourself particularly interested in a location or activity, please leave a comment so I know to include more about it in upcoming posts.

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How to Let Go of the Need to Control

Last week a client asked me which feels more daunting: climbing Mt. Rainier or helping our only child get ready to start college next month. To me, Mt. Rainier feels way easier. Perhaps it has more to do with the fact that I’ve reached the summit eight times. It’s familiar, predictable, and finite. Launching a college student is a once-in-a-lifetime milestone we will never experience again. It’s had its ups and downs over the past eighteen years, and we never found the parenting user’s manual. So many things can — and probably will — still go wrong. As my roles as an author, coach, and parent collide in spinning turmoil, my role is to let go of the need to control.

Once we cleared away enough of the insidious bamboo grass a few weeks ago, this rose bush once again began to thrive. I cannot control its rate of growth but I can certainly improve conditions to give it a better chance.
Once we cleared away enough of the insidious bamboo grass a few weeks ago, this rose bush once again began to thrive. I cannot control its rate of growth but I can certainly improve conditions to give it a better chance.

Who Has a Need to Control?

As I ponder my various roles, I ask myself: which one has a need to control? The answer: all of them. But knowing that, I can work to change it.

Authors

Authors need to design every aspect of their story. In a way, they’re playing God, throwing rocks at their protagonist and giving them increasingly difficult challenges. They may have control over their characters and the worlds they create. But as soon as they look for an editor, agent, and publishing house, everything changes. They have control over one thing: the process of creating. But ultimately, the one in control of reading what’s published is the reader.

How to Let Go of the Need to Control

Coaches

Coaches try to help their clients by providing detailed workouts, guidance, and moral support. We introduce clients to helpful resources and effective strategies for getting to their goals. But when clients miss a workout, get sick or injured, become overworked, or lose interest, we realize the truth: coaches are not in control; the client is. Coaches only have control over what they bring to the relationship.

Parents

Parents try to ensure that no harm comes to their offspring, sometimes stepping in when they should let their child struggle. I’ve been asking myself, “What challenges will she face? Have we prepared her well enough to handle them? How often will she have to fall flat on her face before she is independent?” (The answer, if I sit still long enough to listen to inner wisdom, is “As often as it takes.”) Our role is changing from provider and protector to collaborator and advisor. We are no longer in control of her choices; she is. And really, hasn’t it been that way for some time now?

An image that helps me release the need to control is letting my tumultuous thoughts flow around me like water, while remaining anchored.
An image that helps me release the need to control is letting my tumultuous thoughts flow around me like water while remaining anchored.

The Illusion of Control

Dr. Seuss said, “Only you can control your future.” By that, I think he meant we are the only ones who can take strides in whatever we feel is the right direction at the time. Others suggest that control is an illusion. And Napoleon Hill is quoted as saying, “You either control your mind or it controls you.” How do we wrap our heads around the fact that so much is out of our control?

By focusing on those few aspects we do — like our thoughts, our behaviors, our actions — and minimizing the impact of those we don’t, such as weather, what others think of us, and other people’s actions.

Whenever I feel the overwhelming need to control some aspect of my writing, my clients’ workouts, or my daughter’s life, I take deep breaths and remind myself that I’m doing the best I can with the tools available to me. And I erase the need to be perfect.

I keep reminding myself of my resolution post on kisage (Keep It Simple And Good Enough) from January. We have done enough, and anywhere we haven’t, she’ll learn more quickly than if we do it for her. I’ve added the catchy phrase, “Let go, let it be good.” (For the second phrase, I’ve replaced the popular “let God” with what works for me.)

A pair of raccoons stares back at me as their two siblings climb down a nearby tree. Our dog tried to give chase but thankfully he must have heard something in my unusual tone of voice that stopped him from getting into a tussle. We cannot control nature, but we can control how we interact with it: with respect for all living things.
A pair of raccoons stares back at me as their two siblings climb down a nearby tree. Our dog tried to give chase but thankfully he must have heard something in my unusual tone of voice that stopped him from getting into a tussle. We cannot control nature, but we can control how we interact with it: with respect for all living things.

Additional Resources

Instead of trying to control everything, I like to remind myself of tips from the following posts on CourtSchurmanGo.com:

Fear is a normal aspect of life, but we don’t need to let it RULE our lives. We can prepare ourselves, our clients, our families, and our colleagues the best we can. A year ago I posted about letting go of my daughter; by being self-compassionate today I can recognize that this process will likely take several more years. We can be curious about what our inner critic teaches us without letting it dominate. And we can stick to our own moral compass, so we can do the very best we can. Then let go, and let it be good.

Featured

Kendall Katwalk and Four Reasons to Repeat Hikes

A year ago, I met G. on the trail to Kendall Katwalk. He was traveling at roughly my pace. We struck up a conversation and hiked several hours together before Ajax and I reached our turn-around time. On August 13, 2022, we met the same hike, same trailhead, to provide moral support. He was over halfway through his quest to hike the PCT northbound from the Oregon-Washington border to Stevens Pass. So, with fresh fruit and doggie kisses, we escorted him to Ridge Lake and Gravel Lake on the final leg of his journey.

Red Mountain bathed in early morning fog on the approach to Kendall Katwalk.
Red Mountain bathed in early morning fog on the approach to Kendall Katwalk.

Lessons Learned Along Kendall Katwalk

“Nature is not a place to visit, it is home.” — Gary Snyder

No matter how many times I return to a favorite trail, I nearly always see something new, experience something different, or find that conditions have changed seasonally. But always, I feel comfortable simply being myself. Isn’t that what home is supposed to feel like? As I hiked the 7.5 miles back to the car, I added a reason to repeat that I hadn’t experienced before: to celebrate.

The Katwalk, a thin trail blasted out of a sheer drop-off that can be quite intimidating and exposed under lots of snow.
The Katwalk is a thin trail blasted out of a sheer drop-off that can be quite intimidating and exposed under lots of snow.

Repeat to Inform

The first reason to repeat a hike is to provide information. I often recommend that clients find a trail to return to monthly. Repeating such a hike can provide insight into how your workout program is affecting your fitness. Whenever I visit Mt. Washington, arguably my favorite early season hike, I know exactly how long it takes to reach my first clothing break, “peeing rock,” the overlook, the sign to the Great Wall, the creek, the lake, and the turnstile.

Natural markers provide motivation and challenge while boosting my confidence, especially if I am alone. What’s more, finding a favorite tree, boulder, or vista is sort of like running into an old friend. Who says friends can’t be inanimate objects?

Even within a day, the same scenery can change. Here in the afternoon, Red Mountain gets illuminated by sunbeams poking through the dense clouds.

Repeat to Enjoy Seasonal Novelty

Another reason to repeat a hike is for sheer enjoyment. Kendall Katwalk boasts gorgeous views of the Snoqualmie Pass mountain peaks (as well as Rainier on a clear day.) Splendidly colored iron-rich rocks like Red Mountain contrast with blue skies, snowy white chutes, and gray granite. Alpine lakes poke up around every third bend. Wildflowers beckon.

Mammal-watching (dogs, marmots, humans, and picas, to mention a few) is unparalleled. And if you like dramatic exposure, the Katwalk delivers. While the trail can be hot and dusty this time of year, we were fortunate. We did the entire fifteen-mile hike this year without my dog overheating like last year. Win!

A patch of columbine draws my eye as we climbed toward the Katwalk.
A patch of columbine draws my eye as we climbed toward the Katwalk.

Repeat to Gain Confidence

Third, by letting yourself get to know a trail well, you can branch out and explore side trails. Such is the case for me on Tiger Mountain. You can also engage in deep philosophical conversations with fellow hikers and remain confident that you’ll be able to get back to the car.

Sometimes on new trails, I don’t know what to expect. If I’m worried about getting back to town by a certain time, I almost always choose a destination I know well, so I don’t run the risk of getting lost. While I enjoy novelty and exploring new places, it throws me off my pace because I’m focused on making sure I know exactly where I am.

Kendall Katwalk and Four Reasons to Repeat Hikes
Ajax looks at me as though to say, “Can’t you get rid of this Corgi? I don’t want him eating any of my chicken.” The Corgi’s owner eventually returned to grab him.

Repeat to Celebrate

But on this trip, my biggest reason to repeat the hike to Kendall Katwalk was that it’s where our training journey started. I wanted to provide moral support and encouragement for my client in pursuit of such a big goal. We’d both encountered challenging obstacles in the past year, joking at times that we were one-upping (one-downing?) each other. He’d proven to me that he had what it takes to succeed. I willingly took on the role of cheerleader in the final months.

I am 100% sold on alpine lake foot soaks as a restorative practice at the halfway point of any hike. Grounding plays a similar role as half-time or intermission, refocusing the mind and rejuvenating the body.
I am 100% sold on alpine lake foot soaks as a restorative practice at the halfway point of any hike. My feet in Ridge Lake. Grounding plays a similar role as half-time or intermission, refocusing the mind and rejuvenating the body.

When I handed him a nectarine at our first rest stop after about 3.5 miles, I thought he might cry tears of happiness. And at our turn-around spot at mile 7.5 at Ridge Lake, I surprised my client with a peach. Ajax downed his lunch. My reward was taking off my hiking boots to soak my feet.

A Tribute to Success

Turning around at Ridge Lake felt bittersweet. G. still had nine miles to hike, and I faced a long dusty trail with Ajax. And about three hundred other backpackers, dogs, day hikers, and trail runners. Maybe one day I’ll become a trail angel, carrying gallons of orange juice or dozens of pieces of fresh fruit to hikers on remote trails. One thing is clear, though. No matter how much you doubt yourself, the best thing you can do is take that next step. Have someone who believes in you give you a pep talk (hey, that’s me!) Then get out there and try it. You may surprise yourself.

Dedicated to G. who taught me to chat with strangers on the trail, dispense free training advice, and give generously to my clients. A special doggy cuddle before we parted ways at Ridge Lake.
Dedicated to G. who taught me to chat with strangers on the trail, dispense free training advice, and give generously to my clients. A special doggy cuddle before we parted ways at Ridge Lake. You did it! So proud of you!
Featured

How to Follow Doctor’s Orders: Go Hike

On Tuesday, my Naturopath told me she thought I needed to go visit my happy place, preferably with lots of greenery. I didn’t need to be told twice. It had been a month since I’d been out hiking, which is way too long for me to go without. I blamed the scorching heat in July and illness in early August. But I knew she was right: I needed a healthy dose of the mountains. I drove with Ajax to Exit 47 and we enjoyed a lovely overcast 12-mile hike to Island, Rainbow, and Olallie Lakes. It matched my doctor’s orders perfectly.

Doctor's orders: go for a hike. View looking south over Olallie Lake toward Mt. Rainier. The fog in the background obscured this lake on the way back; I'm glad I took a moment to snap this shot when I did.
Doctor’s orders: go for a hike. View looking south over Olallie Lake toward Mt. Rainier. The fog in the background obscured this lake on the way back; I’m glad I took a moment to snap this shot when I did.

How Solo Hiking Fills Doctor’s Orders

About a month ago, I wrote about nine joys and benefits of solo hiking. I discovered new ones on my most recent trip to the mountains.

Hiking Is a Form of Meditation

If you’re anything like me, you probably roll your eyes and scroll past this paragraph to see what the other benefits are. Seriously? Meditation? Trust me, I am not one to sit in cross-legged position or stare at a candle saying “Ommmm.” If walking can be meditative, then my closest form is hiking. I listen for birdsong, guess how close we are to running water, study the landscape for spots of color, or watch my dog for signs of squirrels, rabbits, picas, marmots, woodpeckers, or deer.

When the trail bends away from the highway and civilization drops away, I notice the change in sounds. And I can tell when we’re about to come up on other hikers. Hiking turns on my mindfulness and makes me pay attention like nothing else in the city does.

Hiking is a form of meditation. It helps me put things into better perspective. Seeing this enormous Douglas fir against the tiny but mighty Ajax makes me realize that we are all interconnected, and in that one moment we were all enjoying the same space in the forest.
Hiking is a form of meditation. It helps me put things into better perspective. Seeing this enormous Douglas fir against the tiny but mighty Ajax makes me realize that we are all interconnected, and in that one moment, we all enjoyed the same space in the forest.

Hiking to Handle DRY: Dealing with Real Yuck

If I can’t make heads or tails out of what my life has become, or I’m afraid to move forward on something daunting or scary, hitting the trail with none other than my dog is one of the most therapeutic things I can do. In her book, Rising Strong, Brene Brown writes, “We can choose courage or we can choose comfort, but we can’t have both. Not at the same time.” As I swatted at mosquitoes and struggled up the dusty trail, covered head to toe in light cloth in order to prevent bug bites, I was able to “center myself” again. I returned to the state of a human being, rather than doing.

Rainbow Lake on August 9 in the fog. I may arrive at the trailhead with brain fog, but I nearly always return to the car with clarity.
Ajax at Rainbow Lake on August 9 in the fog. I may arrive at the trailhead with brain fog, but I nearly always return to the car with clarity.

Hiking is a Great Way to Create

Almost invariably as I make my way up the trail, I think about my WIPs (works in progress) or future blog posts. I let my mind wander while my body does what it has for over thirty-five years. By feeding myself new sensory input — different things to look at, smell, listen to, and feel — I allow the right side of my brain to make new connections, which helps me clear away the brain fog and clutter. By snapping photographs and asking myself targeted questions, I usually come home with a direction for my next blog post.

How to Follow Doctor's Orders: Go Hike
Reflections in Island Lake.

Hiking Becomes a Form of Gratitude

One of my practices on the way back to the car is to rattle off all the many things I am grateful for, from those people (and animals!) who make my life as rich as it is, to the wonderful things in my life from my health, strength, and home to the opportunities I have to hike in the middle of the week and play whenever I need to.

Doctor’s Orders: Make Time to Soak the Feet

I also had several new-to-me experiences on this hike. The first was bringing a book so I could take a reading break at Island Lake. I had Dusti Bowling’s 24 Hours in Nowhere with me, a novel set in the dry dusty desert of the southwest. At the three-hour mark, I waded into Island Lake, then sat and read a chapter of my book while Ajax watched for chipmunks and squirrels. Four female backpackers and a couple with a dog had just left their camp spots, so we had the lake all to ourselves. What’s more, the half hour I spent without boots on meant my feet felt 100% recovered the next day. Win!

New-to-me experience of soaking my feet in Island Lake while reading a chapter from a book.
New-to-me experience of soaking my feet in Island Lake while reading a chapter from a book.

Follow the Leader

The other new-to-me experience was following my dog’s lead twice. When we left Island Lake, I debated whether to continue right toward the car or left toward Rainbow Lake. Ajax turned left, and I decided not to call him back. Who was I to tell him no? We were both doing great and the bugs hadn’t been too bad at Island Lake.

Then at the Olallie Lake signpost 90 minutes from the car, he turned right instead of left. I figured he would have no trouble going another mile. So, we did. However, when he wanted to turn right toward Talapus Lake, I put my foot down. He had turned down all three offerings of food and I was starting to worry about him. We went back toward the car.

A sprig of beargrass in front of Rainbow Lake in the fog.
A sprig of beargrass in front of Rainbow Lake in the fog.

Return to Blogging

I originally intended to start blogging again in September once I return from Alaska. But I couldn’t wait that long. Blogging about change helps me make consistent changes in my own life. And with a daughter about to enter college, I know I am going to need the continuity to stay grounded.

My intent is to post on Thursdays going forward, but I will miss August 25 and September 1. Know that we have returned to semi-consistent posting. And if you have topics you would like me to address, please leave a comment below. I love to hear from my readers! Onward, upward, forward!

Fog-draped Rainbow Lake. Hikes always help me steer through the murkiness to greater clarity.
Fog-draped Rainbow Lake. Hikes always help me steer through the murkiness to greater clarity.
Featured

Accomplishing Your Goal, Handling Anticipointment

A reader recently asked if I could provide strategies for dealing with the “let-down” that comes from accomplishing your goal. Many of my Body Results clients are having adventures this month and will be facing the question, “What’s next?” I, too, have reached a major milestone: this is blog post 50 in as many weeks. Below are some resources, suggestions, and strategies that might help.

A local artist painted the walls of this music building in North Seattle. What's the secret to keeping the celebration going after accomplishing your goal?
A local artist painted the walls of this music building in North Seattle. What’s the secret to keeping the celebration going after accomplishing your goal?

What Is Anticipointment?

I first stumbled upon the blended word, “anticipointment,” (anticipating disappointment) in Dana Simpson’s graphic novel, Unicorn Playlist, Another Phoebe and her Unicorn Adventure. In it, young Phoebe tells her sparkly unicorn buddy that she enjoys the anticipation of the holidays, but she also knows she will feel let down after the festivities are over.

Because I love playing with words, I created another phrase: “post-venturum depression.” (Think postpartum depression in a mosh pit with adventuring.) It describes the mental struggle some thru-hikers feel after completing their multi-day adventures on the PCT, CDT, or AT. Climbers sometimes experience it after reaching summits like Mt. Everest, Denali, Aconcagua, and Kilimanjaro. I imagine backpackers attempting the Wonderland Trail and alpinists taking multi-day trips up the Cascade volcanoes might, as well.

Descending from the summit block of Eldorado the summer our daughter turned six. We went from leading more than fifteen climbs in 2003 to once a year when we became new parents. One goal evolved into another.
Descending from the summit block of Eldorado the summer our daughter turned six. We went from leading more than fifteen climbs in 2003 to once a year as new parents. One goal evolved into another.

Goal Turned Into a Career

My first encounter with “anticipointment” came just after my first Mt. Rainier summit. As a graduate student at the University of Washington, I was used to competing in 2-5 km crew races (which last minutes), not high-altitude climbs (which require days). As soon as I got home, exhausted from the adrenaline rush of crossing narrow snow bridges over gaping crevasses, I told myself I’d never do that again.

And yet, several days later, the mountain peeked out from the clouds, and I knew I was hooked. That burning desire led to joining the Seattle Mountaineers later that summer. I’ve since climbed Mt. Rainier eight times, along with dozens of other peaks in the Cascade Mountains. For nearly 25 years I have devoted time helping others enjoy the thrill of adventuring in the mountains safely. What started as a weekend goal with classmates turned into an entire career.

Accomplishing Your Goal, Handling Anticipointment
The author heading toward Mt. Rainier’s Inter Glacier Basin and Camp Schurman to ascend the Emmons Glacier route on the east side of the mountain.

Parenthood

However, it’s hard to do glacier climbs — which involves being away for more than a day — with a young child at home. I replaced climbing with motherhood. I also cut back on my work hours in order to give my daughter every possible opportunity.

Parenting never ends; it merely changes according to life stages. When my goals have changed, a “cure” to avoid any slump includes enjoying every bit of the journey and focusing on the GAINS rather than the GAPS. Hiking with my dog Ajax has replaced climbing, at least temporarily. Blogging replaced fiction writing, at least temporarily. Seeing the many achievements and abilities of the delightful young person we’ve raised has no equal. So how am I preparing for the next stage?

Getting a child successfully through elementary, middle, and high school is a huge adventure. Parenting doesn't end there, but after eighteen years it definitely changes significantly.
Getting a child successfully through elementary, middle, and high school is a huge adventure. Parenting doesn’t end there, but after eighteen years it definitely changes significantly.

Beyond Accomplishing Your Goal

Wanda Thibodeaux of Inc.com suggests five ways to move on after reaching a milestone. Her advice is incredibly accurate.

  • Be involved in multiple projects. In my case, I had my fingers in the writing, coaching, climbing, home ownership (and all that entails), and parenting pies.
  • Know what you will focus on next after you reach the primary goal. I admit this is trickier the longer you’ve been working toward a goal. For nineteen years I’ve been focused on being the best mom I can be and raising a wonderful daughter. Will the goals I had before still fit? Doubtful. But I am already looking for the next thing.
  • Reflect on what you’ve learned. I do a lot of journaling about how my life has changed at various stages.
  • Explore neglected parts of yourself. Writing, hiking, coaching, and feeling deeply have all been skill sets I’ve been developing for the past few years, in anticipation of having more uninterrupted time both alone and with my husband.
  • Help others. Writing a blog, coaching, and volunteering all allow me to pass on tidbits that have worked for myself and for those I have been fortunate to coach.
Glacier Peak from above the cloud line on Eldorado, 2010. When you only get one climb a year, you put everything into it.
Glacier Peak from above the cloud line on Eldorado, 2010. When you only get one climb a year, you put everything into it.

Accomplishing Your Goal: Seeking New Direction

Kristin Wong, from Well and Good, mentions three additional strategies that I plan to implement in this new phase:

  • Enjoy the time between goals. The question becomes: HOW MUCH time will I put between blog posts 50 and 51? As long as it takes.
  • Determine what you are really after AND WHY. If you want to be a creative person, find ways to do that daily. If you want to be physically active, find something you love and do it regularly and consistently, whether that’s walking, swimming, doing yoga, dancing, or hiking. Someone who wants to be a giving person might volunteer. If you want to keep hiking after your big thru-hike, research fun places you want to explore in the shoulder or off-season and keep going.
  • Explore something new. Since three big goals will end for me this summer — sending our daughter to college, completing a year of blogging, and visiting Alaska — I am prepared for a challenging September. I’m already exploring. Books to review. Hikes Ajax and I might do. Manuscripts to dust off. Friends to reconnect with. Ways to change my blog. Places my husband and I can explore together. This is not an end, merely a change. And as my husband so aptly put it, “If you embrace change as an opportunity to move forward, rather than an indication that something is broken, you can find joy anywhere.”
Sunset on Rainier. The end of one chapter means another is starting. Accomplishing your goal can inspire new ones. What will YOUR next adventure be? Join me for mine.
Sunset at Camp Muir on Mt. Rainier. The end of one chapter means another is starting. Accomplishing your goal can inspire new ones. What will YOUR next adventure be? Join me for mine.

The Next Chapter

When we enjoy the process and path on the way to the goal, we are less likely to “hit a slump” and more likely to flow to the next thing. Combine that knowledge with the wisdom from the Gap and the Gain, and you can pause, celebrate your WINS, and keep looking for your GAINS. As Nelson Mandela so succinctly put it, “I never lose, I either win or learn.” If my blog has helped you in any way, please comment below. I love to hear from readers.

Featured

How to Ditch the Scale For Improved Results

This post may be one of the hardest I have tried to write because of my love-hate relationship with the scale. As a teen, I loved when the scale number went down. And I hated the confusion that arose when, despite best efforts, it went up. Before I knew any better, I sometimes stepped on mine multiple times a day. I didn’t understand that weight can fluctuate several pounds from morning to night. Worse, I fell into the “good” and “bad” trap, sometimes getting knocked flat by a number my young brain interpreted as “too high”. (According to whom?) After decades of struggle, one day I finally realized it was time to ditch the scale.

Grizzly bear Steve at Woodland Park Zoo. Zoos use scales to assess body weight as one of many health metrics and to adjust nutrition according to life cycles.
Grizzly bear Steve at Woodland Park Zoo. Zookeepers use scales to assess body weight as one of many health metrics and to adjust nutrition according to animals’ life cycles. Human scales should come with instruction manuals.

What the Scale Measures

A typical scale measures how much mass your physical body has in earth’s gravity. Nothing more, nothing less. It cannot tell you anything about your intrinsic value, your personality or skills, or how you manage crises in the real world. A digital Tanita scale uses bioelectrical impedance to supply information about body composition, but only if the user is properly hydrated. A recent online article in Forbes estimates that 75% of Americans are chronically dehydrated. So at best, scales provide a snapshot of relative trends rather than absolutes. At worst, they can destroy delicate self-esteem, especially in teens whose bodies are changing hormonally and growing into their adult forms.

Weighing Frequency

What does a healthy relationship with the scale look like? My husband weighs daily with no obvious disordered relationship, as far as I can tell. As a trainer and coach, it seems to me that stepping on once a month at the same time of day might provide a useful reference point. While I never ask clients to weigh themselves, I do occasionally provide body fat testing as a more useful gauge of wellness. It seems to me that scales do more harm than good. Maybe that’s a reflection of who comes to me for help. Regardless, scales should come with kisage instructions on proper use.

Three obvious exceptions to my monthly guideline come to mind. If you are pregnant and concerned about gaining too much weight, then weighing once a week seems reasonable. At my Ob-GYN visits during my pregnancy, I regularly turned backward on the scale and asked my provider to let me know about anything of concern. When she mentioned that I was gaining weight too fast, I adjusted my behavior. I never needed to know the raw number.

Greater one-horned rhinoceros Glen at Woodland Park Zoo. If you know you have an unhealthy weighing habit, consider whether it's time to ditch the scale.
Greater one-horned rhinoceros Glen at Woodland Park Zoo. If you know you have an unhealthy weighing habit, consider whether it’s time to ditch the scale.

Likewise, someone recovering from severe dehydration may need to weigh more frequently to assess whether they are properly replenishing their fluids. And if someone is unable to eat (i.e. for surgery or other medical procedures) weighing more frequently for a very short time period can help the person return to stasis.

Lag Effect

What about the supposed “lag effect”? Years ago a client asked how he could climb Mt. Rainier in the heat of the summer, only to see a higher number on the scale the next day. I asked what he ate during his three-day climb. The answer: salty snack foods such as pretzels, nuts, beef jerky, chips, and so forth. Aha!

High-sodium snacks cause fluid retention, resulting in a temporary increase in scale weight. The same thing can also happen from eating FODMAPS foods or cruciferous vegetables such as cauliflower, broccoli, cabbage, and Brussels sprouts, all of which can cause bloating for some people.

Bumi, Woodland Park Zoo's male Malayan tiger.
Bumi, Woodland Park Zoo’s male Malayan tiger.

The same client stepped on the scale several days later, after resuming normal eating. He experienced what I have dubbed the “lag effect.” His weight had dropped below his baseline. Had he been on a monthly weighing routine, such microdetails would not matter. The overall trend does. It goes without saying, but if someone is hiking purely to lose weight, they may engage in harmful practices. Getting dehydrated puts them at risk of making bad decisions. Improper fueling could put their whole team in jeopardy.

Ditch the Scale; Use Common Sense

If you ate too much the previous day, you already know it. What will you gain by seeing a scale number? And really, so what? Today is a new day. Your goal should be to ensure that you make better choices. If you feel like you are dehydrated, you don’t need permission from a scale to drink more water. When did we lose trust in ourselves? Who says Up equals Bad, while Down means Good? The media. Have you given away your power, mood, and choices to an inanimate $50 box? If so, how’s that going for you?

The author for scale next to a model T-Rex, Woodland Park Zoo summer 2021.
The author standing next to a model T-Rex, Woodland Park Zoo summer 2021. An appropriate use of “scale.”

Important Questions to Ask Yourself

If you use a scale more often than monthly, ask yourself these questions:

  • WHY do you get on it? Curiosity? Punishment? Habit? Interest in trends? Did someone tell you to?
  • WHAT other ways might you gauge today’s health and wellness? Sleep quality? Mood? Alertness? Appetite?
  • WHAT will you gain by knowing today’s number? Can you skip without consequences?
  • WILL seeing an unexpected number impact your mood or negatively influence your choices? If so, give yourself a pass. Gauge your progress in other ways.
Water Lily and Guadalupe enjoying a swim at Woodland Park Zoo.
Water Lily and Guadalupe enjoying a swim at Woodland Park Zoo.

How to Gauge Progress If You Ditch the Scale

The best ways to gauge progress without using a scale are:

  • Clothing fit – are your favorite clothes tight? That may be a sign to reduce intake or increase movement. Try to remember that building lean muscle mass may change how clothes fit.
  • Appearance — especially in a photograph. People with an unhealthy relationship to the scale tend to have a skewed impression of their bodies. Looking in the mirror won’t change that but looking at a photograph may. You can also ask for feedback from trusted loved ones.
Glen and Taj, Woodand Park Zoo's greater one-horned rhinos, enjoying a swim. What would happen if you ditch the scale this summer?
Glen and Taj, Woodand Park Zoo’s greater one-horned rhinos, enjoying a swim. Can you ditch the scale this summer?
  • Bodyfat measurements – use a tape measure to record dimensions around the chest, hips, and waist. Repeat every three months.
  • Appetite — do you feel like eating everything around you? You may be missing key nutrients. Do you hate the thought of eating or hide your eating from others? If so, it may be time to talk to a trusted professional who can help you manage your thoughts and build new habits.
  • Mood — list five things you love about yourself. Keep track of affirmations that work for you. Incorporate other stress-relieving methods to help your body become its best self. And use a relative mood scale (the kind I recommend!) ranging from 1 (lousy) to 10 (awesome). That way, you can work on your whole self, both emotionally and physically.

Leave a Comment

Above all else, remember that thoughts are merely thoughts. You can learn to take control of them. If you get rid of your scale, you remove its power and start trusting yourself. If you have strategies for measuring improvement you’d like to share, please comment below. I’d love to hear how others have handled “the box of shame.”

Featured

How to Prevent Foot Discomfort for Hikers

A client and blog reader recently asked for tips to manage foot and ankle pain before and during hikes. Below are seven strategies to prevent foot discomfort, set against recent photographs of a hike to Olallie and Talapus Lakes.

A beautiful mid-week summer day at Talapus Lake.
A beautiful mid-week summer day at Talapus Lake.

Prepare for Uneven Terrain

Nothing beats physical preparation. To help prepare for the challenges of uneven terrain, incorporate single-leg balance exercises into your training routine. With some knowledge, you can train in the privacy of your own home with limited equipment. A challenging move I have been recommending for clients for the past twenty-five years is the one-legged deadlift. No need for fancy balance gimmicks or expensive gym memberships.

Ajax heads across the log bridge between Olallie Lake and Exit 47 along the I-90 Corridor.
Ajax heads across the log bridge between Olallie Lake and Exit 47 along the I-90 Corridor.

Choose Proper Footwear

Authors have written entire books on this, so I only offer a few pointed suggestions. On Body Results’ website, I present questions about proper running shoes. But you can ask similar questions about your hiking boots. Consider trying orthotics or inserts such as Superfeet. They provide arch support or cushion for repeat days of hiking. Backpackers may find it helpful to have a pair of lightweight “camp shoes” to change into once they finish hiking for the day. These tips focus on preventing your feet from being locked into one position.

I prevent foot discomfort by wearing my favorite pair of trail shoes with a lightweight liner and pair of midweight wool socks.
I prevent foot discomfort by wearing my favorite pair of trail shoes with a lightweight liner and pair of midweight wool socks.

Stretch and Strengthen to Prevent Foot Discomfort

On the GMB website JC Deen shares an ankle-stretching article with four exercises to combat stiff ankles. Another great movement for healthy lower body extremities is the ankle rocker. If you are hyper-mobile or you tend to roll your ankles, plan to strengthen your feet and calves to shore up vulnerable areas. Balance training such as the one-legged deadlift or step ups and step downs can help. Bring a lightweight ankle wrap as part of a first aid kit if you anticipate needing additional support.

Columbine beside a raging stream.
Columbine beside a raging stream.

Prevent Foot Discomfort by Caring for Your Fascia

Foam rollers are great to have in your gym, not only for rolling out tightness in the calves but also for maintaining healthy hips and back. Half-rollers can provide additional opportunities for balance training. Small, portable porcupine balls are great for backpacking. Rolling the soles of the feet over a knobby reflexology ball (ranging in size from golf ball to softball) can help release knots or trigger points. They can also help desensitize overly sensitive feet. If you have access to a sports massage therapist, they can help get at the root of what is causing tightness and pain. Finally, a group called The Human Garage offers a video for the self-care of ankle fascia.

Ajax cooling off his tootsies and quenching his thirst at the same time.
Ajax cooling off his tootsies and quenching his thirst at the same time.

Include Variety

In an article I wrote years ago for the Body Results website, Numb Feet: Cause and Cures, I suggest varying foot positions on aerobic machines to prevent or limit numbness and tingling. Likewise, whenever you find yourself on an unrelenting slope (uphill or downhill) give your feet a break every so often. Try side-stepping, taking a few serpentine (zigzag) steps, smaller or larger strides, or even going backward for a short stint. Take a side trail to a viewpoint. Change the tightness or looseness of boot laces. Play with sock layering and sock thickness. Stop at that lake or stream and soak your feet in the cool water for a few minutes.

A friend makes her way across a stream crossing as we head toward Olallie and Talapus Lakes. One helpful tip to fix your feet is to take advantage of flowing water and soak them as needed during a break.
A friend makes her way across a stream crossing as we head toward Olallie and Talapus Lakes from Exit 47. Take advantage of the cold stream or lake water and soak your feet during a break.

Realign Electrical Energy to Prevent Foot Discomfort

To help realign your electrical energy at home or on the trail, take off your shoes and connect with the bare earth, an exercise called grounding. Barefoot walking on concrete, asphalt, or pavement doesn’t count (and blacktop on a hot day can scorch raw feet!), but walking on beach sand, river banks, grass, or soil all do. Swimming in the ocean, a lake, or a river counts, as well. Even sitting in the shade on a hot summer day for five or ten minutes without shoes on can help you discharge built-up energy. It might even help you reduce inflammation. But best of all, after a long day of hiking getting out of those boots feels great.

Polar Bear Plunge in Lake Washington, January 1, 2021. Talk about refreshing! Grounding doesn't have to be this extreme.
Polar Bear Plunge in Lake Washington, January 1, 2021. Talk about refreshing! Grounding doesn’t have to be this extreme.

Fixing Your Feet

One final resource for all things feet is John Vonhoff’s book, Fixing your Feet: Injury Prevention and Treatment for Athletes. And if nothing above fixes your problems, contact a podiatrist who might be able to help identify alignment issues or neurological problems, start you on a path toward overcoming plantar fasciitis or bunions, suggest appropriate support, or even recommend surgery. But do not give up hiking. There is help! Find the right solution for you, whether you are dealing with blisters, bunions, corns, or worse. The better your feet feel, the more enjoyment you will get on the trail.

Grounding is perfect for any season. This was taken in February, 2021 during a particularly rainy time when patches of our yard had standing water.
Grounding is perfect for any season. This was taken in February, 2021 during a particularly rainy time when patches of our yard had standing water.

In late fall I shared a blog post about narrowly escaping injury in the Alpine Lakes wilderness. Injury in the mountains is always a remote possibility. But proper preparation, knowledge of your body, and safe practices (including making sure someone knows where you are) can all help alleviate worry.

I have even gone so far as using duct tape on my heels in a pair of boots I knew always caused blisters. I have since replaced that pair of boots, but I always have duct tape available just in case. Do you have a particular strategy for managing foot discomfort? Share your tips (and spread your knowledge!) in the comments box.

Featured

Rising Strong Lesson: The Story I’m Telling Myself

In her book, Rising Strong, Brene Brown uses a powerful phrase that resonates as much for me as advice from the Gap and the Gain (see recent blog posts). Brown, a shame researcher, talks about falling down and finding the courage to “rumble” or reset ourselves and get back up again. Anytime we feel exceedingly vulnerable when asking for what we need, she suggests using the phrase: The story I’m telling myself… I have already used her line a number of times in the past few weeks, with positive results.

Lemurs in Madagascar provide the perfect backdrop for "rising strong" as these remarkable primates are tree dwellers.
Lemurs in Madagascar provide the perfect backdrop for “rising strong” as these remarkable primates are tree dwellers.

Brene Brown’s Lake Travis Story

As an example of how this line works, Brown shares a story about swimming in Lake Travis with her husband Steve. In it, she tries several times to connect with him on a deep, spiritual level, without getting the desired response. The fiction she creates is that she’s slow. He doesn’t like how she looks in her Speedo. Or he no longer feels the same connection toward her after years of marriage.

Meanwhile, his own story involves dwelling on a recent nightmare about losing the kids in a boating accident. While he is preoccupied with trying to remain the strong, capable man she wants him to be, she’s trying to connect. When they finally talk about it later, she uses the phrase, “The story I’m telling myself…” It signals that she feels vulnerable and tentative, and may have created a false narrative. They both share their own interpretation of the moment. As a result, they weather the rough spot with greater understanding and appreciation for each other.

Another master climber. They make it look so incredibly effortless.
The sifakas are masterful climbers. They make it look so incredibly effortless.

A Tool for Reframing Your Story

Brown’s story unlocked something for me. I tend to avoid confrontation. I also realize that I get stuck in black-and-white, all-or-nothing thinking, or even partial truths. Brown’s phrase is empowering. Using it allows me to take ownership of the narrative I’m telling myself and voice it aloud. By sharing it with the other person, I can learn whether my story is close or if I have completely missed the mark.

I’ve used this with my daughter and husband. Each time, I’ve gained more clarity and learned how often the story I’m concocting is partly incorrect. Imagine having one tool that could help us clear up misunderstandings. This reframing phrase is becoming that tool.

A sifaka mom with a baby clutched to her stomach.
A sifaka mom with a baby clutched to her stomach.

An Example of Rising Strong

As an illustration, one of the opportunities I had to use the phrase revolves around my expectations. I expect when I make an appointment, the person will be ready for me. Last week that didn’t happen. The story I told myself was that I didn’t matter, that I was “less important” than whatever else was going on. Or worse, I was simply forgotten.

On using the line with myself and digging deeper with self-compassion and an openness to learning, I realized not only was I wrong, but the problem was NOT between the two of us, but steeped in technology. My phone has had issues sending and receiving texts. Since the other person texts almost exclusively, we kept missing each other. The new, true story was “My technology needs updating.” That immediately led to owning and discussing the problem, apologizing, finding a better way to confirm appointments, backing up data on my old phone, and ordering a new one. We both experienced a win-win and kept our relationship intact.

Indri singing in the rain. Their haunting calls resonate for miles in the rainforest canopy. If only we could communicate the same way, without needing all the high-tech gizmos and gadgets!
Indri singing in the rain. Their haunting calls resonate for miles in the rainforest canopy. If only we could communicate the same way, without needing all the high-tech gizmos and gadgets!

What Resources Have Helped You?

We have explored a number of tools for change in the past six months, including KISAGE (keeping it simple and good enough), focusing on the GAIN rather than the GAP, and finding joy everywhere.

If you have found it helpful to learn about resources we’ve shared that energize, educate, or shift something within you, please comment below. Better yet, if you know of books or websites that have helped YOU on your journey through change, I would love to hear about them. Perhaps one will be featured and discussed in upcoming posts.

Rising Strong Lesson: The Story I'm Telling Myself
Ring-tailed lemurs are familiar in North American zoos like Woodland Park Zoo, as they can be successfully bred in captivity.

Rising Strong into Year Two

I am gearing up for a second year of blog posts (Yo.u know who you are — thanks for your encouragement!) What resonates most with you? My ideas going forward include advice from author and life coach Tama Kieves. Precision Nutrition takeaway tips. Kristin Neff on Self-Compassion. Brene Brown’s many books. And of course, I’ll continue to share adventures with Ajax.

Rise strong with me into year two. Do you know of others who could benefit from the tips in this blog? Help me grow my subscriber list by forwarding it!

During our visit to Lemur Island, near Andasibe in Madagascar, we got to feed ripe bananas to these friendly little brown lemurs. An example of unexpected joy, for sure!
During our visit to Lemur Island, near Andasibe in Madagascar, we got to feed ripe bananas to these friendly little brown lemurs. An example of unexpected joy, for sure!
Featured

Solo Hiking: Nine Ways It Enhances Your Freedom

Several weeks ago on Tiger Mountain, a pair of women stopped to ask me a few questions about my experience of solo hiking as a female. Did I feel comfortable hiking with only my dog as a companion? (Yes.) Did he give me a sense of safety and security in bear country? (Definitely.) Would I be hiking if I didn’t have him around? (Not as much.) What hikes would I recommend for women hiking by themselves? (All the ones listed on my Blog.) Such questions got me thinking about nine ways solo hiking enhances my freedom and joy.

Solo hiking with Ajax allows me to set my own pace, rest as long (or short) as I want, explore side routes, and change destination on a whim. Solo hiking is the ultimate in freedom.
Solo hiking with Ajax allows me to set my own pace, rest as long (or short) as I want, explore side routes, and change destination on a whim. Solo hiking is the ultimate in freedom.

Enhancing Freedom

Planning a hike requires checking on roads and routes to and from your destination (including obtaining the necessary forest passes or parking permits). It also involves researching the weather, knowing what gear, food, and clothing you will need, and making sure you have the appropriate skills. The more people in your group, the harder it is sometimes for everyone to agree. Solo hiking provides the ultimate freedom.

  • Start and end whenever you want. I am the only early bird in my family, and I hate burning daylight. When I plan trips with other people — including hiking partners, friends, or family — I nearly always end up waiting. One of my very favorite things about hiking solo is getting up without an alarm (sometimes as early as 4:30 a.m.) and heading out the door. All Ajax needs is a bowl of kibble and he’s ready to go.
The view overlooking I-90 from the gravel trail headed toward Change Peak. We saw four people in the six hours we were out hiking.
The view overlooking I-90 from the gravel trail headed toward Change Peak. We saw four people in the six hours we were out hiking.
  • Change destination on a whim. Sometimes I plan to do a particular hike but change my mind at the last minute. Last week on Mt. Washington, Ajax and I had perfect cool weather at 6:30 a.m., and after reaching the summit around nine, we descended a different way that allowed us to add a few miles exploring Change Peak to the east. As long as I alert my husband to my estimated return time and the approximate area I’ll be hiking, we explore as much as we want.
  • Set an independent pace. Solo hiking is the ultimate exercise in identifying your pace. I like to be first on a path so Ajax can travel off-leash on the trip up. I can always tell from cobwebs tickling my face if we are first on the route. At the summit, whenever the mosquitoes become annoying, we don’t have to wait for everyone else; we simply pack up and leave. If we want to stop for photos or grab a snack, no problem. We can go as fast or as slow as we like.
About the only downside of solo hiking is there's nobody around to snap your photograph. Fortunately, selfies are possible with cell phones, and DSLRs allow outside-the-box creativity such as shadow shots.
About the only downside of solo hiking is there’s nobody around to snap your photograph. Fortunately, selfies are possible with cell phones, and DSLRs allow outside-the-box creativity such as shadow shots.

Unexpected Benefits of Solo Hiking

Sometimes I absolutely adore hiking with a close friend, particularly one on the same wavelength with whom I can share deep, philosophical conversations (you know who you are!) Other times, I celebrate being on the trail alone. Why the difference?

  • Enhance senses. Whenever I hike alone, I pay a lot more attention to the birdsong, shadows, lighting, breeze, temperature, and loamy, earthy smells. Even my protein shake and trail mix taste better in the mountains. Solo hiking often results in far better photos, because I can take my time. And I am more attuned to how Ajax is doing, since he is the only one with me.
Beargrass tufts in the full sun of Chance Peak.
Beargrass tufts in the full sun of Chance Peak.
  • Become self-reliant. In today’s fast-paced and high-tech world where everyone is a specialist, sometimes it feels like there is no room for a generalist such as myself. Solo hiking allows me to return to basics and trust myself in a way that I do not in the city. It provides me with a way to get in touch with my roots, akin to gardening or forest bathing.
  • Meet strangers who become friends. One of my most memorable hikes the past year started as a solo hike with Ajax along the Kendall Katwalk. I met someone who turned into a client and blog follower (you know who you are!) He challenges me with philosophical insights I would never have had without joining forces on the trail. When you are hiking as part of a group, however, such an opportunity might never present itself.
Solo Hiking: Nine Ways It Enhances Your Freedom
Meeting friends like this one in the mountains. Kendall Katwalk, August 24, 2021.

Solo Hiking Provides Carry-over Into Life

Finally, solo hiking enhances freedom in my daily life, by relieving stress, providing a channel for creative problem solving, and allowing me ways to safely explore new areas.

  • Relieve stress. Nothing else gives me as much relief from stress as solo hiking. When I am in the mountains with Ajax, I have zero responsibilities other than taking care of the two of us. We go at our own pace, do exactly what we want, and enjoy nature with mindfulness and freedom.
Ajax at the base of the Great Wall on Mt. Washington.
Ajax at the base of the Great Wall on Mt. Washington.
  • Channel creative problem-solving. Over the past year, whenever I feel stuck (in my blog or creative writing, or even my client work) I set an intention to “mull” over the current problem on my next hike. I’ve started to do the same in town if I can’t spare a half-day. Traveling with a pack has become a form of walking meditation.
  • Explore new areas. Mother Nature has provided numerous trails in the Pacific Northwest. I can bring my wanderlust to city walks with Ajax, by taking familiar routes in a reverse direction or exploring streets I’ve never been down before. A win for the brain!
Cushiony pine and moss trail down the Great Wall route, a welcome break from the rocky, gravely normal route.
Cushiony pine and moss trail down the Great Wall route, a welcome break from the rocky, gravely normal route.
Featured

How to Improve Communication: Reduce Complaining

This past weekend, my husband and I were discussing how ubiquitous complaining has become. I suddenly realized how often I complain to my journal. Frequently unconsciously. My husband whipped out one of his gems. “The quality of the language we use dictates the quality of the communication we have with ourselves and others.” I vowed to improve communication by trying to stop — or reduce — my complaining. Easier said than done.

Whether we are giving directions to a lovely international waterfall, persuading someone to do something for us, or complaining, "The quality of the language we use dictates the quality of the communication." We can always improve communication.
Whether we are giving directions to a lovely hidden waterfall, persuading someone to do something for us, or complaining, “The quality of the language we use dictates the quality of the communication.” We can always work to improve communication.

What Is Complaining?

In simplest terms, complaining is a way to express pain, dissatisfaction, or resentment. Sometimes I complain in my journal to process something that is not going well. That way nobody ever has to hear it. According to Dr. Travis Bradberry, complaining — in any form — is awful for our health. He says that the more we complain, the more negative we become.

Complaining can result from a comparison (oops!). I often hear people say they don’t have enough (time, money, fame, beauty, etc.) or too much (weight, work, pain, stress, people relying on them, etc.) If you’ve been following my blog over the past month, you may recall what Dan Sullivan says about comparison (in The Gap and The Gain). It’s a sure way to get stuck in the GAP.

The main -- and only -- steep "highway" to the east coast of Madagascar out of the capital city Antananarivo. If a truck stalls or has a flat (a common occurrence on this road) traffic backs up for kilometers as it turns into a one-lane road. Still think you have it hard?
The main — and only — steep “highway” to the east coast of Madagascar out of the capital city Antananarivo. If a truck stalls or has a flat (a common occurrence on this road) traffic backs up for kilometers as it turns into a one-lane road. Still think you have it hard?

“Repeated complaining rewires your brain to make future complaining more likely,” Bradberry points out. “Over time, you find it’s easier to be negative than to be positive, regardless of what’s happening around you. Complaining becomes your default behavior, which changes how people perceive you.”

Once we start a complaining habit, it becomes harder to change. I’ve taken it on as my next challenge. (As if I don’t have enough to work on already. Oops, see that? Another complaint. Dagnabbit!)

Stop Complaining to Improve Communication

Now that we know how awful complaining is for our health and relationships, how can we become more positive? Below are some suggestions. The original list comes from psychologists Scott Bea and Susan Albers at Health Essentials.

Typical work conditions in Madagascar. These gentlemen were working with molten liquid without protective footwear, eyewear, or even mitts. I will never again complain about work conditions in the US.
Typical work conditions in a metal factory in Madagascar. These gentlemen were pouring molten ore without protective footwear, eyewear, or hand coverings. I will never again complain about work conditions in the US.

Six Strategies to Reduce Complaining

  • Choose the right audience — Most of the world couldn’t care less. (Or worse, they may get so annoyed that they start avoiding you). Look for one appropriate person — a close friend or colleague, clergy or social worker — to help you brainstorm options for change
  • Clarify intent — Ask yourself if this issue really matters that much to you. If so, write about it in private with the goal of finding a solution
  • Complaint sandwich — Just like we use in my writing groups when delivering critiques, say something positive, voice your critique/complaint, and end with another positive.
How to Improve Communication: Reduce Complaining
Barefoot youngsters in Antanarivo, Madagascar, collecting bricks to bring home. We learned that, by comparison, we have very little right to complain — about anything.
  • Gamify — Increase your awareness of when you’re complaining by remaining playful. Try saying aloud, “Oops, there I go again, better change my strategy.” Keep it lighthearted rather than self-critical or judgmental.
  • Gratitude — Whenever you become aware of your need to complain, stop. Think about what’s good about the current situation. This will allow you to return to the GAIN rather than the GAP.
  • Time limit — ANY complaining causes “neurons that fire together, wire together,” suggests Bradberry. If you can CATCH yourself, limit your complaining time to, under a minute. Then switch to a more productive problem-solving mode.
Approaching a busy city. Main roads in Madagascar are few and heavily used by all - zebu cattle, bikes, pedestrians, and what few transport vehicles there are, heavily laden with passengers and possessions.
Approaching a busy city. Main roads in Madagascar are few and heavily used by all – zebu cattle, bikes, pedestrians, and what few transport vehicles there are, heavily laden with passengers and possessions.

Benefits of Kicking the Habit

The faster you jump out of the complaining habit, the better. Like any habit, it can be changed. It is a skill you can develop. Like any skill, it requires a beginner’s mindset, awareness, and practice.

Think of people you spend most of your time with. Do any of them complain all the time? Can you limit how much time you spend with them? Try surrounding yourself with positive people. Observe what they do. The more you can train your brain to focus on the positives, rather than the negatives, the more joy you will find.

As always, I’d love to hear from you. Do you have any aha moments around complaining? Have you tried any useful strategies to increase your awareness? Share them in the comments section.

Featured

Beginner’s Mindset: How to Maintain One for Optimal Fun

On Father’s Day my husband, daughter, and I went on three different outings: disc golf, pickleball, and birding. All three are mild physical activities, done outside, and requiring different skillsets. They also provided me with a wonderful insight into how important it is to maintain a beginner’s mindset for optimal fun.

My daughter prepares to launch a javelin, a high-skills Field event that requires a ton of work and training to master.
My daughter prepares to launch a javelin, a high-skills Field event that requires a ton of hard work and training to master.

Disc Golf Reminded Me of the Beginner’s Mindset

We started with a “practice hole” at North Park, since our daughter had never played before. I wasn’t sure how my wrist would do. My first throw went perpendicular to the intended direction. I have zero control. I’ll have to throw leftie. Unfortunately, I pitched the next disc into the street. Mortified, I considered walking the tiny course as a spectator. Not once did I think, With my injured wrist, it’s like I am a complete novice. Better change strategies.

Meanwhile, my husband (who played a lot of golf and disc golf in the past) hit the chain basket in par 3. Mine took twelve. I used to be able to throw way harder and farther. Why bother? I can’t win; I can’t even compete. My wonky throwing will only slow us down.

Beginner's Mindset: How to Maintain One for Optimal Fun
North Park Mineral Springs disc golf course in North Seattle.

Comparison Squashes Fun

Uh oh. You can see where this is headed. To quote Lost in Space, season 1 episode 10, “Danger, Will Robinson!” I fell prey to comparing, competing, and creating faulty expectations. When would a novice — injured at that — ever beat someone skilled? I was asking all the wrong questions. I’d fully succumbed to GAP thinking. (If this is new to you, please see previous posts about Dan Sullivan’s book, the Gap and the Gain.)

As my daughter linked her arm through mine and we returned to start the first hole “for real,” I quickly constructed a new narrative with different goals: be outside, share a new experience with my family, practice throwing straight, and improve from the previous hole.

For the next few holes, as my husband continued with par 3’s, I focused on my own efforts. When my score dropped from 12 to 8 and then 7, and I straightened out the disc’s flight path, I smiled. I was learning. I was improving. This was fun. When we left, I wanted to keep playing. We’d arrived in the Gain.

Disc golf combines elements of urban bushwacking, frisbee, and golf. I used my left hand and told myself anything under 15 throws per hole I'd consider a win. Beginner's mindset: just have fun and learn something new.
Disc golf combines elements of urban bushwacking, frisbee, and golf. I used my left hand and told myself anything under 15 throws per hole I’d consider a win. Beginner’s mindset: just have fun and learn something new.

Pickleball and Lack of a Beginner’s Mindset

Second, we tried pickleball, something none of us had played before. I’d never even heard of it until a hiking buddy (CW!) and writing partner (AC!) both mentioned playing. My racquet experiences extended to squash, ping pong, badminton, and tennis, but the whiffle balls don’t bounce much and take some getting used to. We watched a two-minute video on the basics and set out to play with our brand-new equipment.

As with disc golf, I tried using both hands. This time, I could hit with the right, but each contact sent a zing up my wrist. Good rehab, I convinced myself. My husband played on one side, and my daughter and I teamed up on the other. Our only goal was to try it out, kind of like we hit the badminton birdie in our backyard with no net.

Beginner's Mindset: How to Maintain One for Optimal Fun
Dreamstime stock photo of a senior woman hitting pickleball backhand.

Competition Reduces the Joy

After we’d volleyed for a few minutes, laughing about the short racquets and balls that don’t bounce, a kind stranger approached and offered to teach us the rules. A fourth! Why not? Unfortunately, this meant fewer opportunities for each of us to hit, and that darn competition thing returned. My daughter got frustrated and left, while my husband and I stayed a few more minutes, hoping to pick up a few useful tips. “Dinking” turned competitive; fun morphed into work.

When we finally located our daughter hanging out by a stream, she said she’d be happy to try disc golf again, but not pickleball. At least not if we’re going to repeat what had just happened. The lesson, at least in our family: competing before you have mastered basic competencies reduces the joy.

Birding and Chasing a Rarity

Our final adventure of the day was to Marymoor Park in Redmond to try to spot a rare species, the blue grosbeak, which had only been seen north of Oregon three times in Ebird.org‘s recorded history. Birding is a solitary endeavour — you generally don’t want scores of people disturbing the birds you want to see — yet when there are rarities in the area, it can become quite a social event.

Blue grosbeak, a bird species that has only been spotted north of Oregon three times in the history of tracking it. My husband is a Master Birder whereas I am an advanced beginner. I think I would continue to learn more if I maintained a beginner's mindset.
Blue grosbeak in Marymoor Park. I have more fun learning when I can maintain a beginner’s mindset.

My husband is a Master Birder through Seattle Audubon. He also has countless hours of practice with a 500mm lens, taking photos of birds in flight. Here, I knew from the outset what my expectations were: Spot the blue grosbeak. Secondary? Get a photo. Hard enough since birds are wild and unpredictable.

I also knew there would be dozens of other birders with far more experience looking for the same bird. In this case, it would help me to get a glimpse. I simply went along for the ride to absorb whatever knowledge everyone else shared. The result? I enjoy birding with people who know a lot more than I do. While I can maintain a beginner’s mindset, I can also help teach any others who know less about it than I do. Win-win.

The Take-away Lessons

Today’s ramblings reminded me of four key points:

  • For optimal fun, whimsy and play, maintain a beginner’s mindset
  • Establish realistic expectations, as that leads to staying in the Gain
  • Compete only with yourself, while you establish basic competencies, or risk squelching your joy
  • Learning can be challenging. For optimal learning, cultivate a beginner’s mindset
Beginner's Mindset: How to Maintain One for Optimal Fun
Honey bee gathering nectar from a lupine plant in Marymoor Park.

If there is something you have wanted to try, explore it with a playful, childlike, and curious mindset. Find someone who can guide you in a gentle, non-competitive way. Give yourself permission to be a complete novice, without judgment or embarrassment. Share your experience in the blog comments. And as we approach Blog posts 45-50, if you have topics you would love to have me explore, please suggest them.

Featured

How to Reign in Your Inner Critic Through Journaling

Last week I shared a blog post about getting massive leverage on ourselves. Below, I share a journaling technique that helped me get through the first week of breaking an old habit. The exercise may seem esoteric or woo-woo, but it has helped me tap into wisdom I never knew I had. It has made for a few memorable journal entries over the past decade. It can help you reign in your inner critic and understand how that voice in your head is trying to help.

My dog thinks the world of me. My inner critic? Not so much. Try this technique to reign in your inner critic.
My dog thinks the world of me. My inner critic? Not so much. Try this technique to reign in your inner critic.

Inviting Your Inner Critic

You don’t need to be a writer to take advantage of this technique. Every person is creative. (I was even secretary for three years for a writer’s group in Edmonds with that name, EPIC Group Writers.) If you already are a writer or have toyed with keeping a journal at any point, you may take to this naturally.

All you need are some colored markers, pencils, or ink pens, and some paper, bound in a journal or loose is up to you. You may find it more fun to do this by hand rather than on a computer, and the paper can be lined or unlined if you want to doodle, draw, or even scrapbook.

Raging waterfall on the hike to Annette Lake.
Raging waterfall on the hike to Annette Lake.

Find a comfortable place where you can relax and get curious, preferably someplace you won’t be disturbed for at least ten or fifteen minutes. That could be in your parked car, on a bench in a green space, on a trail in the mountains, on a towel on a beach, or curled up in your bedroom. Someplace comfortable, soothing, familiar.

Finally, have some issue in mind that has you conflicted. In my case, on day eight of “Operation Stifle Sweet-tooth”, my inner critic spoke up, demanding chocolate. The very day I was scheduled to visit Annette Lake with a friend. I’d signed a contract with myself that if I had any chocolate at any point before my hike, I would have to cancel with my hiking partner. What could I do?

How to Reign in Your Inner Critic Through Journaling
Annette Lake, our hiking destination on June 14, 2022.

Meet Gooky, My Inner Critic

Many years ago, I playfully named my inner critic “Gooky”, a cross between “gremlin” and “cookie.” She’s a little green gremlin that perches on my left shoulder and, as close as I can tell, she’s me at age six — a whiner who wants sweets all the time, who wants to skip exercise and read all day, and who loves to laugh but can’t tell a joke to save her life — blended with the harshest critic imaginable.

You know the type. We all have one. Gooky insists that I will never amount to much as a writer, that everything I put out into the world is garbage, that I don’t know what I’m talking about, and that being sugar-free and gluten-free is totally boring, painful, and stupid.

Have you named yours yet? Try it. Befriend them. It’s a hoot.

Instead of giving in, I pulled out a writing technique I used about a decade ago when I suffered from plantar fasciitis. Right after our previous dog, Emily, died, I dialogued with five body parts clamoring for attention. A veritable cacophony.

This time was much simpler, just me and Gooky. Gooky’s words usually get green ink. My calm, in-control, adult self gets purple.

My reward for staying clear of chocolate for eight days was hiking with a close friend. As soon as I came up with that part of my contract, I knew I wouldn't break my promise. However, I didn't realize Gooky would test me the morning of our hike.
My reward for staying clear of chocolate for eight days was hiking with a close friend. As soon as I came up with that part of my contract, I knew I wouldn’t break my promise. However, I didn’t realize Gooky would test me the morning of our hike.

While I won’t include the entire exchange, a portion is below. The key to using this technique is to listen closely and try to understand the other voice, almost like you’re facing them in the opposite chair.

The Dialogue Begins

ME: Okay, Gooky, I hear that you’re asking for chocolate before today’s hike. We talked about this. Remember the pact we made, that if we went for a whole week, we’d get to hike with our friend today?

G: Yup. We did it. Bring chocolate.

ME: But then I have to show that awful picture on my blog, because the entire commitment was until July 31.

G: Then bring the Whoop strap.

How to Reign in Your Inner Critic Through Journaling
Sometimes the path through our thoughts is as confusing as the ones in the mountains. On our way out from the lake, we had a few false starts, but eventually, clarity set in and we found the dirt trail. Patience is key, just like understanding our inner critic.

Encountering Surprises

This comment Gooky made through my pen had me puzzled. What on earth do a biometric device and chocolate have in common, and why did my inner critic want data about the hike? So, I asked.

ME: What, exactly, do you want?

G: Proof.

Again, I remained clueless. I didn’t know where these thoughts were coming from. I asked again.

ME: I don’t understand. Can you explain more?

G: Proof that we’re still awesome. I need a reward.

Dew-covered foxglove on the trail several years ago. Do pretty flowers appeal to six-year-olds? Sometimes.
Dew-covered foxglove on the trail to Mt. Washington several years ago. Do pretty flowers appeal to six-year-olds? Sometimes.

Aha. My six-year-old self equated eating chocolate with awesome fun and worry-free times, and she equated the Whoop with our many hikes the past two years where we went farther, faster, higher. She saw chocolate and positive biometric feedback as rewards for hard work. Suddenly, I realized what this was about. It was NOT about the chocolate. It never was.

Ending an Exchange

ME: (gently) We are awesome. We don’t need proof. Isn’t hiking with a friend reward enough?

G: You always share too much.

ME: Only with people I trust, who won’t betray my confidence. And with you. You’re a part of me. You’ve been a big help in the past. But I need to let go of some of the habits that don’t help us anymore, so we can move on to the next level. But I know you’re always there when I need you. Okay?

By her silence, I knew I had appeased the critic. I proceeded to the car — without chocolate — and had a wonderful time with my hiking buddy. As Gooky’s “reward” I took mixed nuts with a few dates and some string cheese so she wouldn’t get hungry in the car. She has been silent since Tuesday.

Log waterfall on the trail to Annette Lake.
Log waterfall on the trail to Annette Lake.

Take-Away Messages

I certainly don’t suggest sharing your dialogues with the world as I am doing. I am not schizophrenic but yes, I do hear a voice in my head. My dialogue was a perfect illustration of how this technique works and what one might learn using it. Consider checking back in with yours periodically to see what insights you gain.

If you prefer talking out loud to writing, place a chair in front of you and physically switch seats back and forth as you dialogue with your inner critic. Some actors and writers use this exercise to “get into a role.” Do whatever allows you to tap into the most authentic you.

But most importantly, have fun with it. Befriend it. Understand it. Your inner critic is trying its very best to protect you with the tools at its disposal. The more you can listen, the more you can move forward with everyone on board instead of at odds.

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How to Get Massive Leverage On Yourself to Change

Earlier this week, a critique partner said I should share a post describing what helped me change some of my bad habits. Aware that being so publicly vulnerable would be stressful and cathartic at the same time, I accepted her suggestion (thanks, CC). Are you ready to make some sort of huge change? Then read on to learn how to get massive leverage on yourself.

Think of change as a series of stepping stones. You cannot cross any river (metaphorical or actual) without taking the first step. What is the first step you need to take to get massive leverage on yourself?
Think of change as a series of stepping stones. You cannot cross any river (metaphorical or actual) without taking the first step. What is the first step you need to take to get massive leverage on yourself?

Are You Ready to Change?

In order to change any habit and make it stick, you need to meet the following criteria:

  • Be RAW – Ready, Able, and Willing — to change
  • Know what behavior you want to get rid of and what to replace it with
  • Have a supportive community
  • Make it so keeping the old habit becomes more painful than building a new one
Change is uncomfortable. Evidence of change to an ecosystem: beaver activity at Magnuson Park.
Change is uncomfortable. Evidence of change to an ecosystem: beaver activity at Magnuson Park.

Massive Leverage Tip 1: RAW — Ready, Able, Willing

I borrowed a phrase from Precision Nutrition and tweaked their order to make it easier to remember (remember KISAGE? I adore acronyms!) Change is uncomfortable. It requires mindfulness, instead of being on auto-pilot, and it involves paying attention to what you are doing. Are you READY, ABLE, and WILLING (RAW) to change? If you are not open to experiencing discomfort, you aren’t ready. If you don’t have support, you will not be able to get through the discomfort. And if you are not in the right mindset, or if you are too attached to the bad habit, you will not be willing to let go.

Going Gluten-free

To share an example of how this worked for me, seven years ago we brought our pup Ajax home. A few days later, I got badly congested and went through several boxes of tissues. We tried using air purifiers, dusting, vacuuming, and brushing the dog, with little success. I didn’t want to depend on allergy medicine for the next fifteen years, so through trial and error, I finally learned that his dander had overwhelmed my immune system.

We would either have to find him another home or I’d have to eliminate another trigger: gluten. I loved our new dog so much that I was READY, ABLE, and WILLING to do anything to keep him. I have been gluten-free and sniffle-free ever since. He is one of the brightest lights in my life and I would make the same decision again in a second.

Ajax at eight weeks. Love at first sight. I would have done just about anything to keep him. I was Ready, Able, and Willing to give up gluten to keep my dog and have been allergy-free ever since.
Ajax at eight weeks. Love at first sight. I would have done just about anything to keep him. I was Ready, Able, and Willing to give up gluten to keep my dog and I have been allergy-free ever since.

Tip 2: Replace Bad Habits with Good Habits

I learned from experience that any habit you remove gets filled with another. Unless you are mindful of what you want to replace it with, you may end up with more bad habits that can become even worse than the original.

Sometimes bad habits develop as coping mechanisms until we develop new skills. As a shy kid, I used to bite my nails. When I decided I was sick of my mangled fingernails, I replaced nail-biting with gum chewing. That led to expensive dental repairs. I switched to diet beverages, partly to avoid extra calories but mostly because I hated the taste of plain water. When I realized how much of our recycling bin was taken up by plastic, aluminum, and glass beverage containers, I got really disgusted with my negative contribution to the environment.

Something had to change.

Saying you want to stop eating sugar is a start. To get massive leverage, look at when and why you eat sugar and think about what you could replace it with instead, or you may trade one bad habit for another.
Saying you want to stop eating sugar is a start. To get massive leverage, look at when and why you eat sugar and think about what you could replace it with instead, or you may trade one bad habit for another.

Freedom from Artificial Sweeteners

I tried a dozen times to stop my beverage habit. When lesions that needed surgery appeared on my skin, I visited a naturopathic doctor who asked about my artificial sweeteners habit. Diet Coke. Diet Peach Snapple. Pretty much diet anything. She said, “A little bit of rat poison is still rat poison.” In my mind, I linked fake sweeteners to skin cancer and worse, which became the massive leverage I needed.

The moment I walked out of her office, I poured the stash of diet peach Snapple I had in the car right down the drain. I have been free from artificial sweeteners for over a decade. The point is this: identifying a habit you want to change is a start. However, you must replace it with a good habit. Otherwise, you may just be trading one bad habit for another.

There is no "bad food" but there are bad habits and "triggers". Everything in moderation is a reasonable idea, but since sugar is so insidious, for me what worked best is elimination. When others have sweet treats, I focus on fruit or foods that are acceptable within my unique eating plan.
There is no “bad food” but there are bad habits and “triggers”. Everything in moderation is a reasonable idea, but since sugar is so insidious, for me what worked best is elimination. When others have sweet treats, I focus on fruit or foods that are acceptable within my unique eating plan.

Massive Leverage Tip 3: Have a Supportive Community

Enlist the help of a family member, a mentor, a medical professional, or a close friend – or maybe all of the above — to make lasting change. This might take the form of an accountability partner. Such a person knows what you want to do, checks in with you frequently to cheer you on, acts as a sounding board if you struggle, and supports you in hard times. Find a hiking buddy (thanks for the suggestion, TO!), writing partner (thanks for our walk-and-talks, JG!) or mentor (hurrah, EHT!) so you have people in your circle who are vested in your success. By sharing what you are trying to do, you commit beyond yourself. That commitment is much harder to break.

Freedom from Sugar

In July of 2019, I gave up sugar and maintained “sugar sobriety” for over two years. Of every bad habit I have had to let go of, giving up sugar — a substance that is ubiquitous, and more addictive than cocaine — was the hardest. I never could have done it without the help from a supportive husband, a nutrition advisor, my naturopath, and several key hiking partners. Find your support system and make public your intentions.

I know now that my desire for sugar is 100% psychological. We can change our thoughts, and by extension, our habits.
I know now that my desire for chocolate is 100% psychological. We can change our thoughts, and by extension, our habits.

Tip 4: Make Old Habits More Painful Than New Ones

Following the wrist accident in February, nearly every coping strategy I had–hiking, volunteering at the zoo, writing, typing, and exercising — temporarily disappeared. The stress of making my way through my busiest season of work without use of my right hand overwhelmed me.

I relapsed.

Not in all of my bad habits, but in the most recent one I gave up in July of 2019 — specifically, chocolate. And not to the level it was before — never anything sweeter than 72% dark — but enough that I knew the signs. I was heading for trouble. A few days ago, the growing pile of evidence snapped me out of auto-pilot. I took a picture (my “ransom note”) and used the Massive Leverage approach outlined below, adapted from steps Tony Robbins brought to my attention years ago.

My relapse has presented me with this gift: it has reminded me of how much I have learned since July 2019 and how much I might help others get massive leverage on themselves.
My relapse has presented me with this gift: it has reminded me of how much I have learned since July 2019 and how much I might help others get massive leverage on themselves.

What to Do If You Relapse

If you find that nothing else works, you may need Massive Leverage. Here’s what I did to ensure that having chocolate would be far more painful than making sugar-free choices (my replacement: frozen fruit).

  • Created a story in my mind that continuing on the current path would ruin everything
  • Promised to cancel something important to me if I broke my commitment within one week
  • Committed to sharing humiliating proof (my “ransom note” picture) with my blog readers if I broke my commitment before July 31; by that time the habit will have taken root and I would be free of the habit
  • Wrote, signed, and dated a formal contract in my journal
  • Shared that I had relapsed and asked for help and forgiveness from the two people closest to me
  • Acknowledged to myself that I had done the best I could, but I no longer needed the maladaptive tools

Today is day four. I know I can do it this time. After all, I have done it before. We are human. We do the best we can with the tools available to us. And we can remain stuck, or we can take massive steps to break bad habits. If you have had experience overcoming bad habits, please share your story or your tips in the blog comments so we can all learn and support one another.

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Focus Eating Habits on How to Eat, Not What to Eat

Many of my previous forty blog posts have delved into identifying habits or behaviors that keep us stuck and prevent us from moving forward. While many of my Body Results clients have specific outdoor goals they are pursuing, some ask me specific nutrition questions such as, “What should I eat?” or “Can you design a diet plan for me?” The answers are as diverse as the people asking them. My first suggestion is to focus on your eating habits. In other words, first focus on how to eat, not what to eat.

Focus Eating Habits on How to Eat, Not What to Eat
Food is not to be feared. It can be fun, playful, and enjoyable, but for many, it is a scary minefield. A pineapple pufferfish was created by the cooks onboard the catamaran we sailed on in the Galapagos Islands.

The Eating Habits

Before learning about the habits, please pick only ONE to play with over the next week to ten days. Trying to do them all at once will dilute your efforts and set you up for frustration and failure. I have been coaching nutrition change for about seven years now and I am still working on mastering the habits. But awareness is half the battle. Pat yourself on the back for wanting to change and then find someone who can help point out when you are making the change and when you have slipped into previous habits.

Bites of organic tropical fruit with a delectable brownie, included in our chocolate factory tour during a trip to the Galapagos Islands. No food is "bad" as long as you know how to fully savor and enjoy your food without shame or guilt.
Bites of organic tropical fruit with a delectable brownie, included in our chocolate factory tour during a trip to the Galapagos Islands. No food is “bad” as long as you know how to fully savor and enjoy your food without shame or guilt.

Between Meals

The following practices are suggestions to try before you ever take a bite.

  • Listen to your body’s signals for hunger. Legitimate hunger may cue you by rumbling or gurgling in your stomach. If you feel lightheaded, you may be low in blood sugar. A touch of a headache could mean either dehydration or a need for nourishment. Pay attention to your body’s cues. It is very smart. By learning what your unique physical hunger signals are, you can start to distinguish them from emotional cues.
  • Avoid multi-tasking at mealtime. Your goal when you eat should be to enjoy, savor, and taste your food. That is difficult to do if you are numbing yourself in front of the television, reading, scrolling through messages or cat videos on your phone, feeding the kids, driving, etc. If you are doing anything else, put off eating until you can focus on just eating.

As You Prepare a Meal

As you get ready to have a snack or meal, consider the following habits.

Focus Eating Habits on How to Eat, Not What to Eat
Protein, vegetables, and a small serving of complex carbohydrates make this a balanced meal. Vegetarians would need to make doubly sure to get all the essential B vitamins and amino acids if they choose to avoid meat.
  • Make it a meal. Set the table with a bowl or plate, fork or spoon, placemat, and a napkin (even if it’s paper rather than cloth) in full view of whoever is in your household. NOT in the car. NOT standing in front of the open refrigerator. And definitely NOT hiding in a closet or bathroom or in the basement at oh-dark-thirty after everyone has gone to sleep.
  • Help your body rest and digest. As you get ready to sit down meal, take a deep breath, hold for a second, sip in a little more air, then slowly release to a count of eight. Do that “sipping breath” three times before you ever take a bite. Doing so creates open-regulation for the vagal nerve so that your body is in a “rest-and-digest” state rather than “fight-or-flight.” Even the most nutritious of meals will do absolutely no good if you are eating it in the car, dashing between appointments, with three screaming kids in the back seat. Nobody can digest a meal like that!
Focus Eating Habits on How to Eat, Not What to Eat
Cucumber and cantaloupe sea turtle aboard the catamaran we took to the Galapagos Islands.

Slow Down During a Meal

Once you are legitimately hungry, focused, sitting at the table, and calm, you are ready to actually eat.

  • Chew thoroughly. This practice does not apply if you are consuming Gu packs at altitude on the mountain (Gu is designed for consumption when you do NOT feel up for chewing) or if you have some physical problem like dental work or a jaw wired shut, or if you have to be on a liquid diet. Otherwise, to start the digestive process, we need to chew our food well. The next bite you take, try chewing forty times before you swallow. Then think about what that experience was like. You can bet it will slow you down!
  • Set your spoon or fork down between bites. This is another great strategy for slowing down and allowing your body and mouth to enjoy your meal. This also gives you time to have a conversation with someone at your table instead of constantly shoveling food into your mouth.
Homemade avocado rolls and salmon rolls. My teen-aged daughter makes some great sushi and loves eating whatever she prepares.
Homemade avocado rolls and salmon rolls. My teen-aged daughter makes some great sushi and loves eating whatever she prepares.
  • Eat with your non-dominant hand. Since breaking my wrist in February I have had a lot of experience with this one. Now that I am trying to eat with my right hand again, I sometimes have trouble cutting with a knife and cannot fully supinate (turn the palm up) which makes using a fork tricky. But it is improving.

Keep Your Table a Guilt-free Zone

ENJOY and SAVOR your food without guilt or shame. If you really want that pint of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream, have it. Just be sure to grab a chair, sit down with a bowl, placemat, spoon, and napkin. Light a candle. If there are any cookie dough chunks, chew them forty times. Set the spoon down between bites. Guilt has no place at the dining table and will only add to your stress.

Valentine's Day treats for our daughter's classmates. While I remain gluten- and sugar-free, having baking ingredients in the house is no longer a temptation for me. That was not true as little as three years ago.
Valentine’s Day treats for our daughter’s classmates. While I remain gluten- and sugar-free (and allergy-free!), having baking ingredients in the house is no longer a temptation for me. That was not true as little as three years ago.

Eating Habits After a Meal

  1. Hydrate between meals rather than during. In order to properly digest your food, experiment with liquid consumption outside of mealtime. Digestive enzymes help you digest your food properly; water dilutes these enzymes and might cause sub-optimal utilization of the nutrients you are trying to supply.
  2. Learn to recognize your “satiation sigh.” Your body signals when you have had enough, usually at about 80% full. You will experience a deep sigh of satisfaction which means “stop.” The trouble is, the faster we eat, and the more unaware we are of what we’re eating, the less likely we will hear our body’s request to stop. Most people who multi-task around mealtime or power-eat in five minutes may not even recognize the signal, then wonder why the heck they are so full.
  3. Leave some for later. The great thing about modern refrigeration is we can always save part of our meal. My daughter and I always order more pizza than we can eat in a single sitting, so we have leftovers for breakfast and sometimes lunch. Bonus!
Personal pan pizza on a gluten-free cauliflower crust. Establishing healthful eating habits and working within your dietary limitations means sustained health.
Personal pan pizza on a gluten-free cauliflower crust. Establishing healthful eating habits and working within your dietary limitations means sustained health.

Next Step: Choose Which Eating Habits to Change

Remember, these are only starting points. We are all works in progress and we have had decades to engrain our habits. Be gentle with yourself as you try to change them.

One way to choose which to focus on is by recognizing how you reacted when you first read them. If you scoffed and said, “Well that’s impossible,” you’re probably right. For now. If your reaction was, “Ooh, maybe I could try that,” put it at the top of your list. For any that seem challenging but not impossible, hold them as options for the future.

Give yourself a good week to ten days to experiment with one. If it isn’t something that works for you, try another one. Maybe you can revisit it in the future. And remember, nobody expects perfection. Remember the new year’s post on KISAGE? Keep it simple and good enough. Pick one. Gamify. Make it fun. Learn from it. And if after ten days you notice a difference in how you’re eating, try experimenting with another.

My daughter chose fish and chips while I ordered gluten-free pizza. Restaurants allow us to choose exactly what is right for our individual bodies. Special-order or ask for a vegan or gluten-free menu; chances are, they can accommodate.
My daughter chose fish and chips while I ordered gluten-free pizza. Restaurants allow us to choose exactly what is right for our individual bodies. Special-order or ask for a vegan or gluten-free menu; chances are, they can accommodate.

As always I love to hear what you’re learning about yourself in the comments. Feel free to share your experiences so we can all grow and learn together.

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How to Reframe Self-Talk for Greater Gain

Sometimes change is foisted upon us, like illness or breaking a bone. Other times, it is part of natural evolution, like graduating from high school or college. We can resist change, ignore it, or embrace it. Whatever change you are presently facing, notice what words you use to describe your experience to others. Are you looking at change as loss? Are you excited by the possibilities? Does change scare you? All of the above? As I explore Dan Sullivan’s book, The Gap and The Gain, I am discovering how to reframe self-talk for greater gain.

Cedar waxwing with gorgeous colorations on wing and tail feathers.
Cedar waxwing with gorgeous colorations on wing and tail feathers.

Empty Nest?

Our daughter, a senior in high school, qualified to compete in javelin at Districts, the last meet of her high school career. She took three AP exams in two weeks, the last time she will have to do so. We celebrated her eighteenth birthday for an entire week and attended several awards ceremonies and final concerts. Over the next two weeks, she is preparing for prom and graduation with her closest friends. If I feel overwhelmed at all these milestones, I can only imagine what she is feeling. While she prepares for college in September, my husband and I also face a huge change: the “empty nest.”

As a birder, I know that “empty nest” refers to the time when young birds have developed enough strength in their wings and loft in their feathers to leave the nest, a process called fledging. This time of year, females teach their offspring how to survive in the world. We once watched a mama robin tend three clutches of three to four babies each, in one season. Humans, however, need many years to prepare their children to leave home or “fledge.” To me, “empty nest” conjures ending, sadness, and loss. I don’t want to spend the next few months of summer feeling sad. I realized in thinking about this blog post that I am stuck in “The GAP” thinking. Again.

Birds without young will immediately eat whatever they collect. This American robin parent is collecting bugs to feed its young.
Birds without hatchlings will immediately eat whatever they collect. This American robin parent is collecting bugs to feed its young.

Recent Tiger Outing

How can I flex my GAIN muscle and replace the “empty nest” metaphor with something happier? I reflected on my most recent hike to Tiger Mountain, which I wrote about in a blog post last fall about Tiger’s beauty despite logging. Happily, logging has ended and the warning signs have all been removed. West Tiger summits 3, 2, 1, and beyond are all accessible again, although they look much different.

On May 22, Ajax and I did a belated Mother’s Day ramble to discover for ourselves how much things have changed and to see what we could still identify.

How to Reframe Self-Talk for Greater Gain
Ajax at the gate between Tiger 2 and the steep approach to Tiger 1. Except for a few random trees left standing, the dense forest has been totally decimated.
How to Reframe Self-Talk for Greater Gain
The Hiker’s Hut remains at Tiger 1, but the lush, dark, cool and welcoming forest that always took a few moments for my eyes to adjust to? Gone.

Reframe Self-talk: Notice the Positives

I won’t lie, I miss the trees. However, I noticed a number of positives:

  • Fantastic views: on a beautiful clear day, you can now see Mt. Baker, Mt. Rainier, and the entire Puget Sound area from any of West Tiger’s summits.
  • Returning wildlife: birds have returned to the trees on the edge of the logging area. We saw a pair of bald eagles surveying the region and heard Anna’s hummingbirds and red-breasted nuthatches as we emerged from the forest.
  • Planted saplings: someone — WTA volunteers? Weyerhauser? — has already planted baby trees along the trail between Tiger 3 and Tigers 2 and 1. In the future, lovely cool forests will once again top Tiger Mountain.
  • Cherished solitude: on a lovely spring day when the rest of Tiger Mountain — and probably every other trail near the Puget Sound — was flooded with hikers, Ajax and I pretty much had the Preston trail to ourselves.
A bald eagle perched atop a tree remaining in the clearcut area between Tiger 3 and Tiger 2.
A bald eagle perched atop a tree remaining in the clearcut area between Tiger 3 and Tiger 2.

Reframe Self-talk

Broken bones, “empty nests,” and logging on Tiger all involve drastic change. In chapter five of The Gap and The Gain Sullivan defines the term “selective attention,” as focusing on what matters to us personally. To get to THE GAIN we must train ourselves to look for it. Instead of bringing attention to my daughter’s “lasts” over the next few weeks, could I reframe my own thinking to help her see them as “firsts”?

Rather than her last time with high school friends, she can celebrate her first formal dance. Instead of saying farewell to her high school, maybe she’d handle it more positively by thinking of it as her first graduation. And instead of sending her off to explore her college campus by herself to see if she can figure it out, we can make it a game this summer, bookending such excursions with ice cream and shopping. I can help her look at all the small daily gains, much like I celebrated the recent victories of making a full fist, dumping out a wheelbarrow, or slicing Swiss cheese.

Happy high school seniors celebrating after a recent awards ceremony. If we can teach our kids to reframe self-talk, they can focus on positives rather than loss.
Happy high school seniors celebrating after a recent awards ceremony. If we can teach our kids to reframe self-talk, they can focus on positives rather than loss.

Examine Your Words For Clues

The fact is, our daughter leaves for college in the fall. Things will change. Lasts signify endings and loss. Firsts signify beginnings and hope. Empty implies a hole, or something missing. Starting a new chapter breathes with life and vitality. If we celebrate the new experiences our daughter is about to have, we can face this change expecting opportunity rather than sadness. By changing the words we use to describe a situation, we change our attitude toward it. We can flex the GAIN muscle.

The next time you hear yourself using “have to” or “should,” remember that you always have choices. Whenever you dread something, stop to focus on the good that might come from it. If you are creating a story for your future, examine the specific words you use. Are they positive or negative? Can you change your story so you feel better about it? I may not have answers, but after forty blog posts, I have many tools to use to face what comes next. If you have helpful tools to share with readers, we welcome your comments below.

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Inspiration from Life and Literature on Managing Pain

This week I have been toying with random thoughts about pain. I searched for the origin of the quote, “Pain is weakness leaving the body.” Did it come from sports? Business? Parenting? I learned it is often used to motivate military troops or reluctant exercisers facing the initial discomfort of challenging workouts. I read from others in pain how such a mantra does not help in managing pain. What does?

An occupational therapist who has worked with me to rehab my broken wrist suggested a more useful approach. When our bodies guard against pain, i.e. following an accident or injury, we need to re-educate our nervous system to tolerate pain once again. In other words, increasing our pain threshold decreases pain sensitivity. By putting up with some discomfort now, we will have less overall pain in the future. I could get behind that one.

One way of managing pain is to get outside and surround yourself with beauty.
One way of managing pain is to get outside and surround yourself with beauty.

Managing Pain – Physical

I fell back on 25 years of experience as a personal trainer to translate her comment into useful advice. Take hiking, for example. If you have never hiked before, and you go out to the mountains for an eight-mile trip with too much in your pack, you will likely experience pain from Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness (DOMS) over the next few days. You might even strain an underprepared muscle that could leave you out for the season.

But if you “sneak up” on your hiking mileage and do a little more each time, the pain won’t be as bad and will eventually disappear as you increase your tolerance. Could the same concept hold true with rehabilitation? Was I hurting myself in the long run by protecting myself from all pain?

The author and Ajax hiking this week three years ago. Rather than getting down about where I am, I used the image of Rainier to inspire myself to get back out there in the next month.
The author and Ajax hiking this week three years ago. Rather than getting discouraged about where I am, I used the image of Rainier to inspire myself to get back out there in the coming month.

With newfound understanding, I endured her poking and prodding at my wrist. Sessions with my myofascial release practitioner were excruciating at first, and as he got deeper into the tissue it seemed like the pain was getting worse rather than better. Finally, in a session this week, he said, “We’ve never gotten this deep because your wrist has been so sensitive.” Aha! I WAS getting more tolerant of pain. Shock training was similar; I had to work through initial discomfort for it to be better the next time. Who knew?

Managing Pain – Emotional

Can we use the same idea of progressive overload to train ourselves emotionally? Can we “get accustomed” to grief, or at least learn new coping tools, so the next time we lose something or someone it won’t feel as devastating? I tested that theory recently.

In an earlier post (November 2021) I mentioned volunteering at Woodland Park Zoo for the past eight years. For reasons I won’t discuss, I decided this week to discontinue volunteering, something I have been considering over the past six months. I thought leaving would be more difficult than it was. It turns out pondering for six months was way more painful than actually leaving which took all of two minutes in an e-mail. I felt initial sadness and then profound relief. This leads me to another great quote a client brought up recently.

until he was strong enough to go without. All living creatures experience pain to some degree. How do you face yours?
Baby Hasani weeks after his birth in May 2019. He was born with hyperextended fetlocks and wore special “shoes” to brace his hind legs until he was strong enough to go without. All living creatures experience pain to some degree. How do you face yours?

Be the Buffalo

On a recent hike on Big Tree Ridge, a hiking partner told me to, “Be the buffalo.” I asked her to explain. She said that instead of racing away from storms, buffalo charge into them in order to experience less overall discomfort. Genius! Procrastinators often make their pain worse by dwelling — for hours, days, weeks, months, maybe even years — on the negative possibilities instead of facing the problem head-on.

Rather than avoiding the pain of physical therapy, once I started embracing it and inviting it into my own training sessions, I made faster gains. The pain diminished. And I sped toward healing.

"Be the Buffalo" means charge toward the storm, or that thing you want to avoid. Embracing the pain NOW means it won't be as bad LATER and will be over sooner. Bison charging over a fence near Yellowstone National Park.
“Be the Buffalo” means charge toward the storm or that thing you want to avoid. Embracing the pain NOW means it won’t be as bad LATER and will be over sooner. Bison charging over a fence near Yellowstone National Park.

Never Lose Hope

Matt Haig, the author of one of my favorite contemporary novels, the Midnight Library, writes in The Comfort Book: “It’s not what happens to you, but how you react that matters.” Buddhism teaches that life is all about suffering. Everyone suffers. We all experience pain. Yet some deal with it far easier than others. They have the resilience I am after.

Later in the same book, he repeats a line: “Nothing is stronger than a small hope that never gives up.” Print it. Frame it. Post it everywhere you feel discouraged and anytime you are in pain. That pain will pass.

To close this week, I offer you a symbol of your own small hope, if you wish: a black bear cub from Yellowstone, cute and cuddly when young but a force to be reckoned with as an adult. May you face today whatever pains you, so that your hope grows into an unstoppable force tomorrow.

Inspiration from Life and Literature on Managing Pain
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Gap and Gain a Powerful Paradigm Shift for the Brain

Every so often I read a book expecting one thing but finding something completely different. Or I come across advice that I need at a specific low moment. Dan Sullivan’s book, The Gap and The Gain: High Achievers’ Guide to Happiness, Confidence, and Success, delivered both. It provided a powerful paradigm shift decades overdue and inspired me to pursue the “Gainer’s mentality” rather than the “Gapper’s.”

Island Lake July 6, 2021. Before my injury, hiking 12-15 miles was just what Ajax and I did. Now I've had to reset my expectations. Touching right thumb to pinkie is a major win. I choose to see the GAIN rather than live in the GAP.
Island Lake July 6, 2021. Before my injury, hiking 12-15 miles was just what Ajax and I did. Now I’ve had to reset my expectations. Touching right thumb to pinkie is a major win. I choose to see the GAIN rather than live in the GAP.

The GAP and GAIN Defined

Mountain lovers might open Sullivan’s book expecting a discussion about peaks and valleys. Instead, it addresses what we choose to compare ourselves to: an impossible ideal that is constantly changing (GAP), or your starting point (GAIN).

The GAP

“You’re in the GAP every time you measure yourself or your situation against an ideal,” (p. xxiii.) If you identify with setting a goal and then, as soon as you reach it, setting another, harder goal that will require more from you and is farther away, you may be a “Gapper.” If you pursue something for many years but never quite attain it, and you feel like your very happiness depends on reaching it, you may be in the GAP. When I started studying children’s fiction in 2014, I decided to write a novel. I have penned five over the last eight years. Happiness and bliss, right? Writing for kids should bring me joy, right?

Hmm. Not exactly.

Being in the GAP

It turns out I have probably been “in the GAP” most of my adult life. When I first had a client reach the summit of Mt. Everest, I was thrilled. Until I wanted more. I coached a woman to reach each of the Seven Summits, the highest peak on each continent. And wondered where to find more. When I reached twelve pullups, surely I could get to twenty-five. When I climbed Rainier, that was enough… for two days, when I decided I had to go back. Now, eight summits later, I want to reach ten. Nice round number, right? So what?

Gap and Gain a Powerful Paradigm Shift for the Brain
Mt. Rainier seen from the trail at Exit 42 toward Rainbow and Island Lakes.

I even had goals around raising my daughter! (She is doing just fine, by the way.) Will the same thing happen when I reach my goal of fifty blog posts in fifty weeks? Or will that be enough to spark joy, happiness and bliss?

As soon as I reach a goal, I arbitrarily move my finish line. Sound familiar? I am never quite satisfied; I keep wanting more. Sullivan points out that Americans are chasing the wrong goal in our endless “pursuit of happiness.” (Thanks, Thomas Jefferson. Turns out he was in the GAP.) We are using the wrong metric. We are measuring the gap when we should be measuring the GAIN.

The GAIN

I help clients set realistic goals for what they want to accomplish in the mountains. Since getting to the final destination is outside our control, I try to teach them about enjoying the journey. We might run into bad weather, obstacles, illness, or injuries before we even start. But we can enjoy the training hikes, the strength we feel in the gym, the ways our bodies react to increased flexibility or better sleep and nutrition. I ask clients to track their progress so they can see where they started and how far they’ve come. I ask them to track their GAINS.

Slipping out of the GAIN

Like everyone else, I set high expectations for myself. Such as going on thirty hikes a year, something I did in both 2020 and 2021. But when I broke my wrist in February, I had to reset all this year’s expectations. I had trouble doing the simplest hiking-related tasks, such as lacing boots, fastening my dog’s harness, shouldering and loading a pack, and even driving a car.

For weeks, I wondered whether I’d ever get back to where I was in October of 2021 — I couldn’t even pick up trash anymore. I sank deeper into THE GAP, comparing myself to an ideal that no longer fit my situation. When I thought I would need surgery, I got depressed. For four days I didn’t want to do anything.

Will I see signs like this again? Absolutely. But they don't define my happiness. I can find happiness within me, around anything. By focusing on the right things.
Will I see signs like this again? Absolutely. But they don’t define my happiness. I can find happiness within me, around anything. By focusing on the right things.

Powerful Paradigm Shift Toward Happiness

That is when I started reviewing Ingrid Fetell Lee’s book on joy. Wherever possible, I lined up people who could help me heal, repair, and rebuild my wrist. I diligently applied myself to the physical therapy exercises and little by little, I noticed changes. As soon as I could zip my coat (it was winter, after all), I smiled. Securing my dog’s favorite harness nearly made me cry. And the freedom I felt from finally doing my hair and clipping my nails was huge. Last week I returned to the mountains to hike — twice. I am BACK.

They say hindsight is 20/20 and as soon as I read the prologue to Sullivan’s book, I knew instantly I had to share it with readers. It’s that profound. True, what I hiked was not Mount Rainier. Not even close. It was not even the distance or gain of Pratt, Melakwa, Island, or Rainbow Lakes, all hikes I did last summer without thinking much about the mileage. But using Sullivan’s approach, I now compare myself to where I was at ground zero eleven weeks ago when I struggled to touch my right thumb and index finger together.

Crossing the bridge back from Talapus and Olallie Lakes, July 2021. We will return this year, I guarantee it. I never quit. Powerful paradigm shift.
Crossing the bridge back from Talapus and Olallie Lakes, July 2021. We will return this year, I guarantee it. I never quit.

Choosing the Gain

Now, I can cut an apple or potato with a knife. I can see the palm of my hand without needing a pair of mirrors. Before starting The Gap and The Gain, my thoughts still went to where I was prior to eleven weeks ago.

No more. I choose not to return to THE GAP as it no longer serves me. I see a better way. Will I get where I was again? Absolutely, someday. That’s another lesson I have learned since December 13: I never give up.

But right now, I choose happiness. I choose to look at how far I’ve come and celebrate that, not what I perceive as loss. So can you.

And I choose to read on. Who knows what other insights I will glean if I got this much out of Sullivan’s prologue?

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Learn How to Make Progress With Positive Self-Talk

Blog post 37 is a compilation of my own experience and that of clients struggling to move forward this week. Some of us are injured; others are angry with themselves or feeling discouraged. A few are sharing that they are not moving forward as quickly as they would like. Sound familiar? You are NOT alone. I thought once I got my cast off, I would be home free, but that was the START of a long, uphill climb. The way to make progress may lie in focusing carefully, using positive self-talk, and resetting our expectations.

This trillium is imperfect - but still beautiful. Can you learn to treat yourself like you would a best friend and point out the beautiful positives?
This trillium is imperfect but still beautiful. Can you learn to treat yourself like you would a best friend and focus on the beautiful positives?

Focus Carefully

For anyone who is constantly fixated on that little number on a scale, remind yourself of one very simple truth. Ready? YOU ARE NOT YOUR MASS. Print it in triplicate in 72-point font and hang it up everywhere you need a reminder. Scales don’t know your BMI, cannot ascertain how much muscle you have, and know zero about all of your outstanding personal qualities. The scale only tells you ONE tiny bit of information, and yet so many of us obsess over that number. If you rely on the scale reading every single morning, ask yourself why.

Whenever you have a medical appointment and your doctor insists on weighing you, explain that you are trying to have a healthier relationship with your body and want to break the scale habit. Face the opposite direction and ask the doctor not to tell you the number. And if your doctor cannot respect that, find one who will. Media tries to get us to obsess about our exterior looks, but what about the rest of you? If you have great bloodwork, healthy blood pressure, and a consistent movement routine, then celebrate that. Eff the scale!

Nature is imperfect but beautiful all the same. So are you. You are NOT your mass. You are so much more.
Nature is imperfect but beautiful all the same. So are you. You are NOT your mass. You are so much more.

Use Positive Self-talk

Focus on the positives rather than “shoulding all over yourself” or saying “I wish I could.” Such messages hurt us and shut us down, rather than inspire and help. Find a few affirmations to repeat daily such as “Every day in every way I am getting stronger and healthier,” or, “I love my body and my problems and wouldn’t trade with anyone,” or, “My current experience is teaching me about life.” The words we use are very powerful.

Early in the process of recovering from my broken wrist, I babied my arm because I wanted to be certain I didn’t need surgery. When my doctor agreed I was stable enough that I wouldn’t need surgery, but I was “way behind,” I bought into his message and started aggressively doing whatever I could to regain full range of motion.

Enjoying the solitude of the wilderness. I don't know who has more fun, me or my dog.
Enjoying the solitude of the wilderness. I don’t know who has more fun, me or my dog.

Unfortunately, the cast was improperly set, resulting in thumb problems. When I was misdiagnosed with trigger thumb, I got stuck in a rut repeating negative messages, practically convincing myself I was going to need surgery after all. As soon as I started to use “I got this,” “I am strong,” “I am healthy,” and just this week, “I am a hiker,” things turned around. I got my confidence back.

Whether you think you can or cannot, you are absolutely right

YOU can turn yourself around. Every healthy bite, every step forward, every affirmation, every repetition helps you build your positivity track record. The next time you catch yourself thinking “I can’t” or “I wish I could change X about myself,” grab a piece of paper and write down ten — yes, TEN — things that are going well or that you like about yourself or your life. If it helps, share how you feel afterward in the comments.

Even though I have been 100% gluten-free for eight years (Thanks, Ajax!), I can still enjoy delicious pizza. This cauliflower crust was magnificent and I had it three nights in a row while in Moab.
Even though I have been 100% gluten-free for eight years (Thanks, Ajax!), I can still enjoy delicious pizza. This cauliflower crust was magnificent and I had it three nights in a row while in Moab.

Reset Expectations

Can we do a multi-day backpack a month after recovering from foot issues? Is it realistic to climb a mountain several months after surgery? How long does it take for a wrist to heal enough to tolerate pullups? And if none of those goals come true, what then?

We often set exceedingly high expectations for ourselves without knowing whether it is actually possible. Humans have the unique ability to hope. However, sometimes we have to amend or adjust our expectations. And that is hard.

Delicate Maidenhair ferns grow where there is a lot of moisture. Can you think of the hard times as fertilizer for a hardier, better you? Reframe the negative experiences into positive learning lessons and watch yourself take off.
Delicate Maidenhair ferns grow where there is a lot of moisture. Can you think of the hard times as fertilizer for a hardier, better you? Reframe the negative experiences into positive learning lessons and watch yourself take off.

Baby Steps Count

I mistakenly thought I would be in the clear once I got my cast off. I never expected complications (you never do — fortunately I have a pretty decent track record as far as bones go.) When I realized I had underestimated how long it would take to return to full performance, it felt like a smack in the face.

Several wise mentors reminded me of the positive steps I WAS taking, each and every day. We can’t compare to our previous personal bests (or that of others), but only to our recent selves. I may not be what I call “Rainier Ready” right now but that’s okay. How far can I move my thumb? Can I hold a tight fist for thirty seconds rather than ten? Will icing twice make the swelling go down even more? Today I fastened a hoodie zipper that had eluded me for nine weeks. Baby steps, but progress nonetheless.

An example of positive self-talk: Thoughts are like waves. We can't stop them from coming but we can choose which ones to surf.
An example of positive self-talk: Thoughts are like waves. We can’t stop them from coming but we can choose which ones to surf.

With Positive Self-talk, Embrace Your Progress

We don’t get any do-overs in life. We each face unique obstacles. How are you going to handle them? You are the hero or heroine of your own story. Can you step outside yourself and picture your favorite character handling your problems? Maybe that will give you new insights to try.

So, as long as you are taking positive steps forward each day, even if it is a five-minute action, celebrate. If you are doing more than you have in your workouts and feeling the results, pat yourself on the back. My wish for you is that you find a way to enjoy the process and embrace your progress, not just live for the end goal. This is a delicate topic but one we are all experiencing. Share your wisdom in the comments section so we can all learn from each other. And remember, you are not alone!