CourtSchurmanGO.com 2025-06-25

Go for Good: How to Rewrite Stories

If you follow any sports, you’re probably familiar with the phrase, “Go for the gold.” Aim high, shoot for the stars, and push hard. To remind myself of my goal to cultivate a growth mindset, I modified it to my new mantra, go for good. Simple. Catchy. Easy to remember. Motivating. I even wrote it on an elastic band and placed it on my wrist as a visible reminder of my intention.

A visible reminder of my intention: Go for Good band. Every time it snags on things it reminds me of my commitment. The more I discuss it with people, the more I look for challenges as positive learning opportunities. Gimmick? Perhaps. Effective? Definitely.

To me, go for good means seeking what’s good about any struggle, obstacle, mistake, failure, disappointment, or problem. Finding the silver lining. Turning what I may have previously viewed negatively into a positive. In other words, rewriting my negative stories is becoming a path toward building the mental muscle of optimism.

Flight Delay

Last week’s return flight from Asheville to Seattle is my first example of a negative story. Thunderstorms grounded all planes into and out of Chicago’s O’Hare International for several hours mid-day. Instead of arriving in Seattle at 6:30 p.m. I got home past midnight. With only four hours of sleep before a day of clients. It would take several days to recover from lost sleep and jetlag. But we have no control over Mother Nature.

Ajax poses in front of cherry trees on the UW campus.

Go For Good 1

I rewrote my story to include the following good lessons. I:

am fully capable of solo travel even when things go haywire
have a greater appreciation for our local airport in Seattle, which feels far more manageable than O’Hare
had ample time to fully recharge my phone battery, which had declined to 10% (neither flight had charge capabilities in my row)
remember how important it is to set and stick to personal boundaries (courtesy of my brother)
enjoyed recounting my adventure with my husband who picked me up at the airport (with Ajax). I can use my light rail pass for a future trip
came up with ideas for future unplanned or long layovers: explore the airport

A shot of artwork at Chicago's O'Hare Airport en route from gate D4 to C31. It's an intimidating airport but next time I get stuck there I plan to explore it more fully. — A shot of artwork at Chicago’s O’Hare Airport en route from gate D4 to C31. It’s an intimidating airport but next time I get stuck there I plan to explore it more fully.

In short, if I stop, reflect on the entire experience, and look for the good things, it’s likely that I can find them. I can also learn from previous mistakes and plan how to handle them the next time they happen.

Today, I describe my return trip to Seattle in terms of “an adventure” rather than “a disaster.” As a learning experience rather than an epic failure. What’s more, instead of dreading my next flight, I’m eager to see what challenges come up. Because they will.

Cherry Blossom Ramble

Another example of a story I’ve rewritten happened on a recent ramble with Ajax. The cherry blossoms on the University of Washington campus reached peak bloom on April 5, 2023. On Tuesday, I had a few spare hours, so we drove to the Horticulture Center for our thirtieth unique Active Ajax Adventure.

Cherry blossoms in full bloom on the UW campus in Seattle. Go for good: on a rainy, windy, mid-week day, "the good" included fewer people lingering for photos, pink "snow" to add a playful quality to our ramble, and a moody sky for atmospheric photos. — Cherry blossoms in full bloom on the UW campus in Seattle. Go for good: on a rainy, windy, mid-week day, “the good” included fewer people lingering for photos, pink “snow” to add a playful quality to our ramble, and a moody sky for atmospheric photos.

We headed up the steep hill to the north campus to see the cherry blossoms on the quad before wandering around the Union Bay Natural Area viewing twenty species of birds. We had high winds, high lake levels, chilly temperatures, and overcast skies. What’s more, my plan to connect with my daughter in the morning failed. Without her, who would take my picture? And what about getting a photo of the two of us with the trees?

Go For Good 2

It turns out that she had a science lab at noon. She kept her phone off until later in the afternoon. But if I rewrite the story with a focus on the good, I come up with the following positives:

Rainy conditions mean fewer gawkers in my photographs and fewer distractions for Ajax
Overcast skies create dramatic backdrops for photos
Ajax and I had a lovely 90-minute ramble together, the first since my trip to North Carolina
I reflected on my own time on campus during grad school, as well as last year’s visit to campus for Prospective Students Day with our daughter
We enjoyed pink snow as the wind blew petals from the trees. Where else do you get to see that?
I got to be spontaneous, something I want to do more of
And though I’m not a fan of selfies, it’s always available as a last resort

What’s more, by trying something new, I continue to model for my daughter how to take risks, get outside our comfort zones, and keep trying if we happen to fail the first dozen times.

A beaming pair of friends at "Prospective Students Day" on March 26, 2022, along with thousands of weekend spectators. — A beaming pair of friends at “Prospective Students Day” on March 26, 2022, along with thousands of weekend spectators.

Challenging Interactions

My last example of a rewritten story includes interactions with challenging people. That might include folks who have differing opinions from mine, who are in a different stage of life, or who make me feel inadequate. You know the type: anyone you might tend to avoid.

Go For Good 3

Instead of avoiding challenging people, I can remind myself that:

Everyone is doing the best they can with the tools they have available
Each person has a complex backstory that shapes them, a story I can’t imagine; I can only ask about it
My job is to get curious about each person I meet and look for a way to connect or similarities in our stories
If I look at challenging people as mysteries to solve or puzzle pieces to fit together, I can replace fear with curiosity, which unlocks my problem-solving ability and makes the conversation far more enjoyable
I can seek one GOOD thing about each interaction. It’s there!

Go for Good Takeaways

In order to rewrite your stories, here are some takeaway tips. The next time you feel like you have a problem you can’t solve or something has gone wrong, ask yourself three questions:

What would an optimist focus on in this situation? In other words, what GOOD do you see?
What have you LEARNED from this experience that you can apply to future experiences? Everything is a teacher if we are open to learning
How could you turn the current problem into an OPPORTUNITY to explore something you haven’t before?

If technology frustrates you, try thinking of the advantages it might bring once you master it. When you have to wait in a long line, consider striking up a conversation with the person behind you. And the next time something doesn’t go quite as you expect, look for the benefits of the way it did.

Please feel free to share any comments below. I love hearing from readers.

How to Grow a Growth Mindset

Two weeks ago, I discussed the importance of developing a life-purpose map to help you get where you want to go. Last week, I introduced the idea of gaining a fresh perspective on your goals and stretching outside of the familiar to challenge yourself in new ways. The third and final post in this mini-series outlines my journey through setting SMART goals. Join me as I launch my journey toward growing a growth mindset.

Assess Your Mindset

Stanford University professor Carol Dweck has studied mindset for over 30 years. If you want to know whether you have a fixed or a growth mindset, take her short quiz.

I know I’m onto something when I read part of my results: “You may be coasting when you could be excelling. You probably have more potential than you are using.”

Add to that my husband’s recent question, “Do you want to look back at this time with regrets, or amazement at all you’ve accomplished?” Easy. I hate regret.

Quilled ornaments at Thyme in the Garden.

Steps Toward a Growth Mindset

Once I recognized that I want to develop stronger tendencies toward a growth mindset, I tried imagining what would be different when I had one. In other words, starting with the end goal in mind. But what exactly does someone with a growth mindset do?

Growth Mindset Attributes

Below is a comprehensive list of mindset attributes compiled from a wide variety of resources including Precision Nutrition, Future Learn, Carol Dweck’s research, and Steve Hogarty at WeWork.

Practice “beginner’s mind”
Seek new perspectives
Seek out challenges
Be self-compassionate
Think on a continuum
Focus on effort over results
Embrace and analyze “failure” or mistakes
Take small steps daily
Get out of your comfort zone
Roll with the punches
Set realistic and reasonable expectations
Identify and record bright spots

Wood ducks remind me of my desire to grow a growth mindset. I think of problems as water droplets that I can shake off my feathers and continue to go with the flow.

Create a Shortlist

I can hear you griping. It’s just like reading a better eating habits list that starts with “chew each bite forty times,” “avoid multi-tasking,” and “set your fork down between each bite.” If you’re like me, you took one look at the long list and felt like quitting before you even started.

That’s the fixed mindset at work.

Read the list again. What three actions jump out at you? What are a few items you feel could be helpful but not impossible, that might result in forward progress? That’s where to start. Here’s my shortlist.

Thyme in the Garden, a lovely boutique garden shop outside of Asheville, NC

Channel Your Inner Wood Duck

My mantra for “roll with the punches” has been to “channel my inner wood duck.” I love the beautiful, multi-colored birds pictured above. I imagine water droplets — problems — landing on my feathers and simply shaking them off and continuing on my way down the stream. No harm, no foul.

What’s a Reasonable Expectation?

When I reached “set realistic and reasonable expectations,” I hesitated. What change might I see by summer, if I put serious effort into it? Can someone with decades of fixed mindset develop a growth mindset in all areas of life? Is it a lifetime pursuit? If I wanted to see measurable progress, how might I go about making a deliberate change?

Beautiful blooming bushes remind me of the one constant in life: Change.

Growth Mindset Action 1: Identify Bright Spots

I finally settled on the last one on the list, “Identify bright spots,” as my first action. I already have a habit of recording three wins each evening (an activity suggested in Dan Sullivan’s The Gap and The Gain). So it should be straightforward to change that to “record bright spots related to a growth mindset.”

In this way, I am training myself to call obstacles challenges and opportunities, not roadblocks. Language matters.

Blooming tulips during a walk in Asheville, NC.

Whichever task you choose, focus on one action for two weeks. Write down your start and end date on a calendar or app. Then at the end of two weeks, assess whether you notice a difference.

Set up a support system. Give yourself a sticker when you complete your daily task. Set up reminders to keep it front and center. Tell someone about your intention. When you reach the end of the time period, decide whether you want to keep the habit (if it helped) or change focus to a new one. Every two weeks, evaluate your progress.

Ready to grow? Get set, GO!

Gaining Fresh Perspective at Salmon Creek Ravine

In this second of three posts exploring our life’s purpose, I discuss the importance of viewing our goals from a fresh perspective. Are you ready, able, and willing to critically examine your current mindset and feelings about change in order to achieve better results? If so, join us on a pictorial ramble through Salmon Creek Ravine in Burien.

On our third drive-by, I spotted this sign beside the road and figured we'd park and explore on foot. Fortunately, it marked a rutted dirt path that took us down into the ravine. — On our third drive-by, I spotted this sign beside the road and figured we’d park and explore on foot. Fortunately, it marked a rutted dirt path that took us down into the ravine.

Ramble 27

Last Wednesday, Ajax and I drove to Burien on an errand and took a detour to explore Salmon Creek Ravine. On the third try, we happened upon a wooden sign near Seahurst Park, a park we visited earlier this year. Right beside it is a trail leading down to sloping hillsides of ferns and birdsong. This path looked promising.

For the next hour or so, we explored the trail twisting through old-growth cedars, madrone, Douglas firs, large maples, and alders. Mid-morning in March on a weekday is a fabulous time to visit if you want the place to yourself. We only saw one other person. And one abandoned backpack.

As we walked, I reflected on a goal I recently developed during a Precision Nutrition course: to change my fixed mindset into a growth mindset. But how, exactly, was I going to do that? What if I tried an approach similar to the one I use with my clients?

A girl's backpack abandoned on the trail was the only item that didn't belong, other than a bag for trash at one of the junctures. — A girl’s backpack abandoned on the trail was the only item that didn’t belong, other than a bag for trash at one of the junctures.

Start with the End Goal in Mind

To embark on any physical journey, such as climbing Mt. Rainier or hiking Rim-to-rim-to-rim in the Grand Canyon, you start with the end goal and work backward to the present day. I am well acquainted with programming for physical objectives. After all, I’ve been doing it for twenty-five years.

Alpine Tasks

In the mountains, we face any number of challenges such as navigating slopes while carrying a heavy pack. Dealing with the weather. Paddling for hours with extended legs. Preparing meals. Building shelters, igloos, or wind walls. Sleeping on uneven, hard ground. Looking upward while a partner climbs. The list is long. And each item provides a different stress on the mind and body.

Now view each activity through the lens of training needs. What are the aerobic and anaerobic requirements of the trips you’d like to go on? What skills do you need to improve? How much upper, core, and lower body strength is needed? Do you have sufficient flexibility to complete the tasks? Do you need to invest time and money in more training? What areas might you develop to improve your experience? By starting with the end in mind, you get an idea of what you need to accomplish your goal.

Enjoying a fresh perspective on a beautiful spring day. Ajax explores wonderful scents on the Salmon Creek Ravine trail.

Use a Fresh Perspective to Determine What’s Lagging

The simplest way to find the gaps in the example above is to do a trial outing. If you’re preparing for a backpack or trek, hike on a trail similar to the one you’ll be traveling on. To get ready for a kayaking trip, pull out your kayak and test how you do. For a multi-day adventure, see how you feel two days in a row doing your activity without a rest day, what we call a back-to-back.

Afterward, assess how you feel, what was easy, and where you had difficulty. Then, instead of simply doing more of whatever feels easy, create a plan designed to minimize your weaknesses.

This selfie was taken in front of a hollowed-out tree, one of my favorite finds on this new-to-me trail.

Shore Up Perceived Weaknesses

If your legs give out going uphill, add lower-body strength training exercises such as step-ups, squats, wall sits, dips, or lunges. If your arms fail, add upper-body strength training exercises including pull-ups or dead hangs, pushups, and arms work.

Do you go forever on flat ground without a backpack, but struggle whenever you carry a pack? If so, spend additional time on the trail with a loaded pack. If you find talus, scree, or boulder slopes challenges, seek them out and practice on them. And if you dread getting out of a tent all stiff and tight, add flexibility and mobility exercises to your training. Did certain muscle groups ache? Add a few targeted stretches for the lower back, hips, and shoulders.

Ajax gets a refreshing drink from the gravel creek bed at Salmon Creek Ravine.

Finally, assess your gear. How did your feet do? Do you need new hiking boots or more time to get your feet accustomed to the trail? Did your pack cause you problems? Determine whether you’re loading it evenly. You may also want to consider investing in a fitted pack for your frame.

A Fresh Perspective for Life Objectives?

So, could that same basic model help with the less tangible goal of developing a growth mindset? How, exactly, do you go about “building resilience,” “becoming more positive,” and “asking better questions”? Are there other steps I’m forgetting or overlooking? What would it look like to “be more positive?” How do you know when you reach a goal of “asking better questions”? What would a day look like if you have a growth mindset rather than a fixed mindset?

These are questions I’m setting out to answer. Next week, I will share my journey through setting Specific, Measurable, Action-oriented, Realistic, and Time-stamped goals around developing a growth mindset. It is a three-month focus (hey, there’s the “time-stamped” part), now that my Active Ajax Adventures project is going so well and our revised website has been launched.

Do you have a goal that has been weighing on your mind for a long time? Are you uncertain how to get started? Join me for next week’s post when I share some tools for moving onward, upward, and forward.

How to Develop a Life Purpose Map

On Saint Patrick’s Day, I wanted to do something special to mark the halfway point in my series of Active Ajax Adventures. For our 26th outing, what started as a local urban walk turned into a multi-hour exploration that incorporated Grace Cole Nature Park. Ever since, I’ve been contemplating change, mindsets, and direction. In the first of three related posts, I share ideas for how to develop a life purpose map.

The Grace Cole Nature Park is only accessible from the north. If I'd looked more closely at the street map I would have realized that what I thought would take a couple of hours would need longer. — The Grace Cole Nature Park is only accessible from the north. If I’d studied the street map more carefully, I would have realized our ramble would take longer.

Without a Map…

My intention was to visit a few Little Free Libraries on the way to the southeast area of the green space. I knew to head due north, then assumed we’d find the first right to head into the park. But all of the roads kept leading left. We ended up .7 miles north of our destination, clear up in Lake Forest Park.

It was such a lovely spring day, and both of us were enjoying ourselves. When we finally arrived at the nature park, we’d already walked for ninety minutes. “At least,” I thought, “it will be quicker getting home.” Not quite. We had to head north again until we found a right turn that would finally lead us back south.

One of my mistakes was assuming Grace Cole Nature Park was in Shoreline. If I'd known it was considered part of Lake Forest Park, or if I'd looked more closely at the access roads, we probably would have driven. — One of my mistakes was assuming Grace Cole Nature Park was in Shoreline. If I’d known it was considered part of Lake Forest Park, or if I’d looked more closely at the access roads, we probably would have driven.

Analogy for Life Purpose Map

As we rambled, I got to thinking about the importance of maps, both for travel and life. Without directions to your exact destination, it takes far longer to get there. If we don’t know what we want, we can’t aim for it. And without having a firm idea of our life’s destination, we’re likely to squander precious time or try things that go nowhere.

But in some ways, that makes the journey more interesting, and more fun. On our ramble, we got to see things we wouldn’t have if we’d driven. I shot ninety photos that morning. Most of them were discoveries outside of the park. You could say we “flew by the seat of our pants.”

Ajax approaches the duck ponds along the short boardwalk through the wetlands.

Plotter, Pantser, or Plantser?

Likewise, writers are considered to be either plotters or pantsers. Plotters figure out the start and end points, with a few key points along the way. Pantsers tend to wing it, or “fly by the seat of their pants.” They come across surprises along the way that inform, enrich, and alter their story.

Hybrids, known as plantsers, do a little of both. I like to know my end destination, but how I get there varies widely. Pilots are off course 95% of the time yet somehow they still reach the target airport.

At work, I am a plotter. I’ve learned how to help clients set reasonable goals and pursue them. In rambles with Ajax, I’m becoming a plantser. And in life and writing, I have been more of a pantser. Which are you? Does it vary, depending on the situation you find yourself in?

Oops. "You have now left the park and are entering the backyard of a private residence." A kind way to say "Turn around, fool." Does your life purpose map exist? Does it have detours and false starts? — Oops. “You have now left the park and are entering the backyard of a private residence.” A kind way to say “Turn around, fool.” Does your life purpose map exist? Does it have detours and false starts?

Life Choices as Teens

It feels like I have been a pantser most of my life, jumping at the next thing that sounds feasible. I went to college on the East Coast because that’s what a lot of my classmates’ older siblings were doing. I stayed there because I found a job at the Smithsonian Institute that sounded fun. And I moved to Seattle for graduate school because I’d only heard positive things about it.

If someone had told my high school self that I’d live my adult life in Seattle as an author and personal trainer running my own company, I never would have believed it. Most of what I do now never crossed my radar as a teenager. And most of what I write about now, I could not have known about even two years ago. We expect too much from our teens.

A life purpose map doesn't include everything. If I'd followed a map to Grace Cole Nature Park I would have missed some wonderful surprises along the way. — A life purpose map doesn’t include everything. If I’d followed a map to Grace Cole Nature Park I would have missed some wonderful surprises along the way.

Life Purpose Map Questions

Regardless of whether you like to plot or wing it, how do you start making a life purpose map? Below are some questions to reflect on or discuss with a partner, spouse, coach, or someone close to you.

Have a conversation with your significant other or close family member about potential “couples goals.” What would you like to accomplish by the end of the year? In the next two years? Five years?
Think about what you have enjoyed the most in the past five years. How might you include more of that in the coming months?
Imagine yourself at the age of 85. What have you accomplished? Where have you traveled? Whose lives have you enriched? What obstacles have you overcome? What does your daily life look like?
Have a conversation with that wise older you either in chair form or writing in different colored pens as I suggested in last week’s blog. What advice would your future self provide? What would you most like to ask future you?
Finally, try writing your obituary to get in touch with what matters most. Who would you want to be present at your celebration of life? What do you want to be remembered for? What do you want to have accomplished in your lifetime? Some people call these items a “bucket list.”

A commemorative bench in Grace Cole Nature Park. The plaque is for a loved one who was a "pacifist, musician, and nature-lover." What three words best describe you? Are they words you'd want on your own bench? — A commemorative bench in Grace Cole Nature Park. The plaque is for a loved one who was a “pacifist, musician, and nature-lover.” What three words best describe you? Are they words you’d want on your own bench?

Takeaways

Creating a life purpose map requires time, focus, mental energy, and patience. Think about the questions posted above during your next walk or hike. Send your deepest desires and wishes to the multiverse and be open to what happens next. Reflect on what you WANT, instead of what you DON’T want. The more definite you are about what you want, the more likely you are to hit the target.

On ramble 26, I knew I wanted to visit Grace Cole Nature Park. But I had no time restrictions or specific mileposts along the way. Any route would do. Is that how you want to meander through your life? My path to blogger and business owner was quite circuitous. Yet I would change very little about it.

Would a more specific map have helped? I don’t know. But I do know I want to get more specific for the next phase of my adult life. What about you?

Ajax posed beside a huge tree stump in Grace Cole Nature Park. His look says it all: "Mamarazzi, aren't you tired of taking my picture?" — Ajax posed beside a huge tree stump in Grace Cole Nature Park. His look says it all: “Mamarazzi, aren’t you tired of taking my picture?”

In an upcoming blog, we’ll look at how to get very specific with what you want in order to figure out what practices to put into your daily life.

How to Resolve Conflicting Messages

Earlier this week, I found myself thinking, “This is really frustrating. I wish somebody would tell me what to do.” Minutes later, in a completely different situation, I said to myself, “I don’t want anyone else telling me what to do.” Huh? How can we resolve conflicting messages such as these?

On a beautiful morning at Magnuson Park, I struggled with the conflicting messages warring in my mind.

Ambivalence Is Normal

Wanting one thing in a certain area of your life but something else that apparently conflicts with it in a different area — like my pseudo-desire for guidance — is totally normal. Just like you can have a fixed mindset in certain areas of your life but a growth mindset in others.

Ambivalence comes from craving something different, but also wanting things to continue as they are. Sound familiar?

Think of a situation in your life where you have tried repeatedly to change but you just haven’t had the success you’d like. Maybe you lose a few pounds one week but gain it all back the next. Or you make fantastic progress one week and fall into a slump the next. You know you should be moving forward — after all, who doesn’t want to be healthy, happy, and successful — but you just can’t get consistent.

Decorated building near Magnuson Park's Promontory Point. — Decorated maintenance shed near Magnuson Park’s Promontory Point.

Can you be okay living with ambivalence, at least for a short while until you’re ready to change?

Key Words for Change

Sometimes clients think they “should” want x or y, but then they don’t take any actions toward them. Maybe they sabotage themselves or fall into “when X, then Y” thinking. I’ve written about that pesky word “should” before. How if you’re using it often, write it big on a piece of paper and then scribble over it. Remove it from your working vocabulary.

The simplest answer is: it’s not what they really want. Yet.

Whenever you have a big enough reason — a big enough why — you will find the motivation and courage to change. The desire to change must come from within. And even when we succeed at changing, we’re still not completely immune to backsliding. We need to develop self-compassion and recognize that even during struggle we are human and worthy of love and respect. Whether we are stuck or moving forward.

This is a perfect example of going nowhere, fast. These stairs at Promontory Point were so overgrown with branches that we had to turn around to look for another path. Just like in life, sometimes we must try something, get lost, reach a dead end, and try again. A coach can help you speed up the process.

Coaches at Precision Nutrition use the key phrase, “ready, willing, and able.” If a person is not ready, willing, or able to do certain things, not even the best coach with the perfect program and advice will be able to get them to change.

So what are we supposed to DO in order to change? Suffer in silence?

Tools for Understanding Conflicting Messages

As Precision Nutrition coaches, we’re taught the importance of facing discomfort in order to grow. Here are two tools you can use to try to better understand where those conflicting messages are coming from and what they are trying to tell you. Because while our habits start out supporting us, once we outgrow them it is time to change.

Magnuson has something for everyone: sports fields, off-leash dog park, and wild birds habitat. It also has plenty of areas to explore. — Magnuson has something for everyone: sports fields, an off-leash dog park, and wild bird habitat. It also has plenty of areas to explore.

Two Voices In Conversation

This exercise resembles role play with yourself. You can think of the mature, wise, and compassionate voice who has all the answers as your “adult self.” The stuck, confused, frustrated, and perhaps scared voice is your “child self.”

Feel free to give a name to each self, or even think of them in terms of mentor/mentee, teacher/student, wise/novice, or coach/client. Whatever relationship resonates most with you. I have named my 6-year-old gremlin “Gooky”, a smash-up of “great” and “cookie” that I created when I was battling to give up sugar. She is my voice of resistance. And she is doggedly determined to keep things exactly the way they are.

Four years ago I was still baking something every few days. Once I realized how much better I felt without gluten, sugar, and dairy, the change made itself. I was furious about giving up each thing. Now I don't even notice. — Four years ago I was still baking something every few days. Once I realized how much better I felt without gluten, sugar, and dairy, the change made itself. I was furious about giving up each thing. Now I don’t even notice.

You can write (or type) what each voice says. Or if you prefer talking through problems, set two chairs facing one another. Allow the stuck self to have three minutes to say whatever it likes. Pause for a minute and jot down whatever comes up.

Then switch font or ink color (or chair) and give the wise self a minute to summarize what the confused self has revealed. Think of the wise self as you in fifty years, if you like, looking back at now. For two more minutes, the wise self gets to offer affirmations, love, understanding, and possible solutions. It then asks a question of the stuck self.

After each voice has had a chance to talk, continue the dialogue until each side has been heard. What did each voice say? What insights did you gain from listening to each voice?

Examine Previous Changes

The second tool is to examine your past and make a list of any large changes you’ve made. Examples might include graduating from college or graduate school, getting a promotion, entering a long-term relationship, starting a family or business, or traveling. Everyone alive is capable of profound change.

The important thing to recognize is that change is scary, but you have within you all the tools you need to do it. What skills come to the surface? Maybe you were really resilient. Perhaps you loved the planning aspect of it. Or it could be that you had a partner help you get through. Write them down as a list of your unique change tools.

The only constant in life is change. We are all capable of change. But it takes examining our own process and what works best to move forward.

Motivational Interviewing: Beat Conflicting Messages

Finally, once you have a better understanding of what’s causing your ambivalence and a list of your change tools, reread what you’ve written. If you find yourself using a lot of words like “just” or “but”, you’re facing resistance. Again, normal.

Precision Nutrition has a wonderful piece about Motivational Interviewing that goes into far more detail about ambivalence and resistance. The key point is to recognize that resistance is just as much a part of making a change as ambivalence. You are normal!

If you identify a lot of anger and defensiveness in your dialogue, embrace it. Question it. Be curious about it. And by writing it down you can examine it more closely when you’re not as emotionally charged.

Homemade rice flour tortillas. Delicious and gluten-free. Quite the change from what used to make me congested, inflamed, and ill before. I'll take it! — Homemade rice flour tortillas. Delicious and gluten-free. Quite the change from what used to make me congested, inflamed, and ill before. I’ll take it!

Convert Terrified into Ready, Willing, and Able

I mentioned struggling to launch our Total Health track until my husband and I created a list of tiny steps to take to inch forward. Some only took me five minutes. But the more tiny steps I took, the more forward momentum I gained, and the more confident I became.

You, too, can turn terrifying into “ready, willing, and able”. Please share in the comments whatever you’re struggling with. Our readers have plenty of unique experiences. And as part of a change community, we’d love to help.