CourtSchurmanGO.com 2025-01-17

Need Motivation? Get Support from Accountability Partners

A great way to stay on track with your most important goals is to engage the help of accountability partners. Such people can provide much-needed support, encouragement, and motivation at any stage.

A workout partner might meet you at the gym to exercise with you. A hiking partner can meet you at a trailhead for an adventure. A critique partner is someone who reads your manuscript drafts and provides feedback on what’s working and what is not. Accountability partners keep you on track toward your stated goal which could be in any of the above areas. They discuss how you’re doing, where you’re struggling, and what you want to accomplish. If you feel your enthusiasm waning, find a supportive buddy.

PLEASE SUBSCRIBE ME

Who Might Become Accountability Partners?

First and foremost, look for someone you trust. The last thing you need is to reveal your dreams to someone who laughs about them or tries to discourage you. You might choose a friend, family member, or significant other as your partner. Or you may feel more comfortable buddying with someone from the same gym or club. Someone, perhaps, who has reached a goal similar to yours who provides advice.

Online resources such as Meetup, Reddit, or Facebook groups, forums, or focus groups can also reveal suitable people. Participating in trips with outdoor organizations like the Mountaineers, Sierra Club, or the Mazamas can be a fabulous way to meet potential partners.

If you are a writer, you could ask someone in your writing community, critique group, or local conference to partner with you. Taking classes on something that interests you is a great way to meet other like-minded people who could be supportive buddies. For additional details about finding an appropriate accountability partner check out Five Steps to Succeed with an Accountability Partner.

The Difference Between a Teacher/Coach and Accountability Partner

Trainers, teachers, and coaches can certainly provide motivation and accountability, but they are usually paid experts in their field. Accountability partners are free! The hiking buddy who meets you at the trailhead and supplies interesting conversation could make a great partner.

I joke that my hiking accountability partner is my dog Ajax. Whenever he sees me loading my backpack the night before a hike, he knows we’re going on a fun adventure the next morning. One look in those adoring, eager eyes — rain or shine — and I know I cannot disappoint him. When I ask him for advice his answer is always, “Hike more.”

What An Accountability Partner Does

Accountability partners will listen to you, provide feedback, and help you stay on track. They provide external motivation to complement your internal motivation. I use an accountability partner within the realm of writing. We correspond by email twice a week. In each exchange, we share successes from the previous 3-4 days and outline our goals for the coming days.

By writing down such goals and committing to another person, I strengthen my resolve to follow through. I don’t want to let her down or confess that I didn’t do what I promised I would. And in return, I offer her the same support and encouragement.

Provide Friendly Competition

You can do the same for health and fitness. Tell your partner what workouts or hikes you plan to do, what time you’ll go to sleep each night, or how many servings of protein you’ll have each day. Wherever you want to make progress! Accountability partners might also provide motivation through friendly competition. I like my husband’s definition of competition: “agreeing to perform better.” That is exactly what you’re looking for. Your goal is to support your buddies to meet their movement goals, not necessarily “win” or “beat” anyone.

Your gym might offer some type of contest such as climbing x flights of stairs in a month, walking or jogging y miles, lifting z pounds, or completing specific hikes by a given date. In these cases, the goals include finding ways to inspire movement while building stronger social communities.

Help Support Change

Accountability partners can help in other segments of your life, too. Maybe you want a new job. Perhaps you need to expand your social network. Or you’re ready to change your diet, but doing so is difficult on your own. Finding someone who will listen to you, become your sounding board, and brainstorm ways to get past obstacles can help.

When Should You Enlist Help from an Accountability Partner?

Whenever you feel like you are struggling or want added positive pressure, find help. Starting out, you might feel like you need to check in with your partner every few days. As you build your habit, shift to weekly or monthly check-ins. If the first person isn’t a good fit, keep searching until you find someone who is. Be sure to exchange equally so the relationship does not become one-sided.

Why Partner Up?

We are stronger in collaborative relationships than we are working alone. It is hard to break promises we make to others. Especially those we trust and respect. Commit to your partner, schedule your accountability practice in your calendar, and get to work making changes. If I can do it, you can too. Remember, YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

How To Avoid Sabotage By Being True To Yourself

Tongariro Alpine Crossing: NZ’s Best Single-Day Hike

PLEASE SUBSCRIBE ME

One of the most stunning hikes I’ve ever been on is the Tongariro Alpine Crossing on New Zealand’s North Island. Hiking the 12.4-mile route was at the top of my experience wishlist when my husband, daughter, and I visited in 2014-2015. The forecast on our northward drive to Auckland was for partly cloudy skies and gusts up to 15 mph. Our return flight to the States was in three days. We would not have another chance. And I almost gave it up by not being true to myself.

Obstacles or Excuses?

To prepare, we’d done some hikes with my daughter in the States. Nothing as long as I would have recommended to clients preparing for such a hike. We’d toured as much of New Zealand as we could, and our fuses were growing short. Although we’d included some moderate hikes, a horseback ride, a kayak tour, and sightseeing during our trip, we’d also spent many hours each day driving.

When our daughter told us that her knees hurt several days before our trek, I voiced my concerns to my husband. We promised we’d take frequent breaks. If she needed a longer rest, she could build a fairy house along the trail. I offered to carry all of her clothing, water, and gear. We prepared word games to keep her mind engaged. And we stocked up on yummy snacks to keep her fueled.

I wanted to back down at the last minute. Too many things could go wrong. But my husband said we should try it. I later learned that he’d even persuaded her to do it without complaints, as a holiday gift to me.

Decision to Try

On day 22, we drove north from Nelson to Picton (South Island) and caught a four-hour Interislander Ferry to the North Island. We then drove four more hours, stopping only for gas, stretching, and food. When we finally spotted snow-capped Ruapehu near dusk, I felt myself getting excited. Could my dream actually come true?

When we arrived at the A Plus Samurai Lodge in Turangi, it was after sunset. We still had to iron out the logistics of dinner, as well as the transport to and from the mountain. The one-way trip required a drop-off at one end and pick-up at the other, both of which were included in our two-night stay. The rest was out of our control.

Arrival at the Trailhead

That night, I had numerous nightmares: forgetting the first aid kit, missing our ride, getting dehydrated, running out of daylight, and nursing my daughter’s knees halfway through the day. But when we finally awoke at 5:45, excitement and anxiety dueled within me.

We weren’t exactly sure how the commute would work, but as the van climbed toward Mongatepopo Hut, above the clouds obscuring the mountain, we arrived without incident. It looked like decent weather after all. All we had to do was hike the 12.4 miles to our ride on the other side.

Trek Teachings: Tenacity and Trust

Details about the trek would make this post too long. Many others do a nice job. We succeeded without getting dehydrated, lost, battered, or injured. But the whole reason for this blog is to share one message: be tenacious about going after what you want.

Never “Settle” for Less Than What you Want

I tried to talk myself out of the trek, blaming my daughter’s knees and youth, our fatigue after long hours in the car, inconvenient store hours, fear of what could go wrong. And in one passage of my journal, I struck gold. I’d written about the shame I felt eating an ice cream bar and how canceling the trek should be my punishment. Yeah, I know. One frigging ice cream bar.

Seven years ago, I felt like I didn’t deserve to get what I wanted. Today, typing these words hurts. When I told my husband what I was writing, he astutely summed up my struggle: I have difficulty being true to myself, standing up for what I really want. Like starting a blog.

No Passion In Playing Small

Nelson Mandela said, “There is no passion to be found playing small – in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.” How fortunate I am to have a husband who lives according to strong principles like finishing what you start and making those things that you really want, happen.

We succeeded on that trek because he knew how important it was to me. We planned it; he helped carry out the plan. We all need moral support in order to change, whether that’s from a significant other, family member, colleague, coach, friend, or accountability partner. He listens to me and helps silence the niggling voice of fear, doubt, and shame. He keeps me on track when I threaten to veer off of it.

Who are your biggest supporters? Who will help you when you want to hole up with Netflix instead of doing something that matters to you?

Paying It Forward

Now that I write from what I hope is greater strength and self-acceptance, I realize maybe I had to live through times of self-berating and struggle to reach a position where I can help coach others find the courage to change. Overcoming my addiction to sugar helped me minimize the self-doubt and shame and take pride in what I can do.

Crystal Raypole suggests in her helpful article on overcoming self-sabotage: “Self-sabotage can happen when you’re looking for a way out. Such behaviors help suggest something about your situation that isn’t working for you.” In our case, we had a lot of valid concerns, any one of which could have prevented us from starting. I was willing to place my daughter’s comfort above my own desires.

We trusted that things would work out. We had to at least try. And I am so glad we did. Not only was the trek a major highlight of two trips to New Zealand, but mulling over the significance of that trek has drilled home the importance of staying true to what you really want. My hope is that the next time I feel the need to punish myself by giving up something I really want, I will stop and remember the Tongariro Alpine Crossing and the wonderful memories of a successful trip.

OcTraPiMo: Clean Up Seattle, One Month at a Time

SUBSCRIBE ME PLEASE

Last week, my husband and I had a conversation that could have easily led me down a rabbit hole into hopelessness. Seeing as how I’m embracing change this year, I refused to let it. Instead, it gave me an empowering idea. If November is known to novelists as NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month), what if October became known as OcTraPiMo (October Trash Pick-up Month)?

Frost-tipped succulents. One reason I want to protect my neighborhood from trash is so that I can continue to find such beauty. OcTraPiMo for beauty. — Frost-tipped succulents. One reason I want to protect my neighborhood from trash is so that I can continue to find such beauty.

The Birth of an Idea

My husband told me about one of his friends who recently drove from Seattle to Portland to watch his kids participate in invitational cross-country meets. As he crossed into Oregon, he said the number of homeless people, trash heaps, and tent cities increased dramatically all the way into the city. When he registered at his hotel, the clerk insisted that he bring all valuables from his car inside. “The parking lot is no longer safe,” he was told, despite lights brighter than daylight.

Similarly, when I drive through downtown Seattle, graffiti and tags cover public buildings, overpasses, side streets, thruways. Trash litters the highway below tent cities near freeway banks. People have caused severe burn scars where they’d had city fires.

As recently as ten years ago, we had none of this, at least nowhere near as visible or ubiquitous as now. What’s happened to our beautiful region? Where’s the pride, the care?

When Anger Boils, Listen

As I listened to my husband relate his friend’s story, I grew more disgusted and increasingly incensed. Historically whenever I feel my personal power slipping away in a discussion, I withdraw, thinking surely the other person must be right.

But not this time. I’ve had enough of our beautiful area being trashed. On a tiny scale, I can relate to what indigenous peoples must have felt when the first wave of settlers swarmed into the area.

But what can one person do? When I walk my dog beyond my clean, well-cared-for neighborhood streets and see litter in every direction, I turn a blind eye. “It’s not my property,” I think. “It’s not my responsibility.” And in today’s litigious society, even, “I might get sued for trespassing.”

Is that how we all feel? Ignore it, because what can a single person do? It’s someone else’s problem?

Ingrained Integrity

In the mountains whenever I come across anything that doesn’t naturally belong, even orange peels or apple cores that will eventually decompose, I pick them up and pack them out. I carry my dog’s double-bagged poops with me, and I add to my load dog bags others drop along the path. I’ll stink so our beautiful trails don’t.

At Woodland Park Zoo, I watch for trash that visitors throw in the bushes. While it may be one of my responsibilities volunteering with the Horticulture team, I want to help the Zoo remain a beautiful green oasis in an overly crowded city. All guests have the right to enjoy it in its pristine state. I do these things already, naturally. Why not do the same thing in the yards and streets beyond mine?

Transference of Habits

I could easily carry a pair of rubber gloves in my pocket. And it’s easy to attach a large plastic bag inside a sturdier handled canvas carrier so I can remove the most eye-offending trash. Other families have done this near the library and schools with their kids. Those children are our future. Like sponges, they see and hear everything. They need to see adults making a positive difference so that they know they can, too.

Individual acts of kindness can cause a ripple effect.

While I may not be able to single-handedly clean up the country, the state, even my city, I CAN do my small part. And if whole bunches of individuals did the same thing, imagine the world of difference we could make. For each bag of trash collected and properly disposed of, the earth would be one bag cleaner. Each scrap of plastic we remove means that birds and fish will ingest less garbage. We can become stewards of the entire planet, not just special places like trails, parks, and zoos.

The Experiment

I decided to test out my OcTraPiMo idea two days before October, to get a jump-start developing my new habit. My “trash dog” (Ajax loves to get into the garbage cans when nobody is home) would become an actual trash dog. Our goal was to turn one of our three daily walks into a thirty-minute trash collection outing.

Anything larger than a quarter ended up in my bag. For obvious reasons, I excluded used needles, razors, human excrement, and broken glass. A week into my experiment, I added a category: other people’s bagged trash. With the number of squatters and homeless people growing on the perimeter of my North Seattle neighborhood, I don’t want to be inadvertently accused of stealing. I kid you not, I’ve seen and heard it all.

Test Run

In my first one-mile walk along a twenty-minute route I refer to as my “default”, I collected 90 pieces of trash. My walk around the neighborhood elementary school had always seemed so clean before. My haul included three AA batteries, a scrap of a child’s toy tire discarded in the gutter, three masks, a plastic bottle, and an empty beer can. But the biggest offender was numerous scraps of plastic, including straw wrappers from juice boxes and broken forks tossed by school kids who eat outside due to the pandemic. I’m amazed by what you get used to and no longer SEE.

The second day I stayed in a residential part of the neighborhood and my trash count for the same duration was half. Masks and discarded beer, soda, or water bottles were the biggest offenders.

One Month, One Walk, One Bag at a Time

On day 3, my first official OcTraPiMo day, I headed a block west of the local elementary school in what I call “the valley.” My trash count doubled for a thirty-minute collection. Realizing I didn’t get it all, Ajax and I went back on day four, to collect 163 more pieces in 33 minutes. Something unusual happened on day five: my daughter asked to join us. We collected 169 pieces of trash on residential streets in 30 minutes.

And on day six, I smashed my record (is this a good or bad thing?) On a walk to school with my daughter, I collected 153 pieces during 33 minutes. Later in the afternoon, Ajax and I walked to the closest neighborhood library. My haul of 225 was so heavy — lots of wet cardboard, bottles, cans, and a heavy piece of a car I didn’t even know what to call it — that I dumped it in the library trash can and continued home to collect another 140.

Surprising Results

My OcTraPiMo month is in its infancy. I intend to continue for the entire month, possibly even beyond. But I can already celebrate and share several interesting takeaways:

More of What We Focus On

First, collecting trash has made me focus on… trash. And how much there is that we don’t even see. In just six days, I have completely switched my attention away from finding Little Free Libraries (my former walking obsession) and toward removing eyesores that harm the environment. Remember the Punch Buggy game, spotting VW cars and giving your neighbor a punch in the arm? Now I see trash everywhere. In less than a week, I feel guilty if I pass by a piece of garbage I could do something about.

Could we cultivate this same focus on good deeds or tiny positive steps we take toward our goals? If I can train myself to zoom in on trash, can I also train myself to focus on beauty? To look for the silver lining in every problem? To find at least one good quality in people who annoy me or situations that aggravate me?

Added Workout Benefits

Second, collecting trash provides a moderate workout. The more you pick up, the heavier your bag. Bonus resistance training! And bending over to pick up 300+ pieces of trash means your hamstrings, lower back, and glutes get extra stretching. I consider myself to be in good shape, but I recognize the value of additional circuit training, which trash pick-up can become. If you struggle to fit in exercise, or even hate the thought, don’t call it exercise, call it “greening your neighborhood.”

Increased Motivation

Third, as my trash numbers grow, my dedication to saving wildlife, setting a positive example for my daughter, beautifying my hometown, and contributing to the community in an empowering way increases. On day four of OcTraPiMo, a fellow dog walker noticed what I was doing… and thanked me. Nothing inspires me more than being helpful and feeling like I’m making a difference.

What one thing can you do today and (if you are feeling courageous) every day in October, to create change around you? Join the conversation.

Learn How to Get Unstuck: First Limit Choices

SUBSCRIBE ME PLEASE

As I worked on blog post ten this week (twenty percent of the way toward my blogging goal), I hit a few snags and couldn’t get unstuck. (See, it happens to everyone!) The problems? First, I needed more time to do justice to my top choice for the week’s post; and second, the flood of other possible ideas overwhelmed me. I ground to a halt, and if not for my deadline of a blog a week, I might have stayed stuck. I decided my top priority was to limit choices.

Mason Lake with Mt. Defiance and fall colors in the background. Limit choices to get unstuck. Photo courtesy of Tonia Olson.

Unlimited Choice Can Be As Hard As Having Too Few

But my problem pales in comparison to what my daughter, a senior in high school, currently faces. What is the best way to coach her through the college application and selection process? She sometimes finds it hard to choose a cookie recipe to make or a frozen yogurt flavor to order. With hundreds of potential colleges, what’s the best way to narrow them down? If she could find a dozen that interested her, we’d help her apply to the top six. After all, what worked for me way back when could at least be a starting point.

I also faced what I call the “all-or-nothing” phenomenon earlier this week. I had an opportunity to hike on Tuesday, but I couldn’t decide on a destination. My non-decision ended up being my decision: I stayed in town on a beautiful day.

Later in the week when a friend proposed hiking to Mason Lake, I agreed. I appreciate it when someone else decides. Other times, it feels liberating to make my own choice. But sometimes, having unlimited choices is daunting.

How to Start Narrowing Down

So where do you start if you feel like you want to make changes? Say you want to alter your diet, start a different job, take steps forward in an important relationship, grab some new travel opportunities, expand your friendship circle, interact more with family members, and improve your physical health.

If you tried undertaking all of that at once, you would fail to succeed in any of them. What do you do if you want to change everything? The answer may be to limit your choices first by picking THE MOST IMPORTANT GOAL (whatever is weighing most heavily on your mind) and to provide yourself with a structure to explore it.

Whenever I face a blank page, it’s far easier to create if I’m given a prompt, an idea, or a structure within which to write. Take blogging: I limit myself to eight photos, keep my word count under 1200, and stick to the same format I’ve used during the past three months. I also tie whatever I write to the broad topic of moving forward and getting unstuck. Such scaffolding provides me with structure and coherence, and it provides my readers with continuity from post to post. Even so, I still face plenty of choices but it’s not as overwhelming as it could be.

On Having Too Many Choices

Curious about shutting down when I feel overwhelmed by too many choices, I looked online to learn what others had to say. Suddenly, I had my topic for this week’s blog.

From the article, Too many choices – good or bad – can be mentally exhausting. In the April issue of Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 2008, Kathleen Vohs discusses how making decisions, even about fun tasks like what movie to see or where to hike, can deplete our brain. “Simply the act of choosing can cause mental fatigue,” she says. “Making choices can be difficult and taxing, and there is a personal price to choosing.”

In a study discussed in the article Why you find it hard to pick your lunch or a Netflix show, according to new research, Colin Camerar (professor of behavioral economics at Caltech and author of the study) said the “ideal number [of choices] is probably somewhere between 8 and 15, depending on the reward, and your personality.”

When “Good Enough” is Good Enough

And in Too Many Choices, a Problem that can Paralyze, Alina Tugend of the New York Times introduces Barry Schwartz, author of The Paradox of Choice. Schwartz says one strategy for dealing with too many choices is to become comfortable with the idea of “good enough.”

In coaching our daughter through the largest decision (so far) of her young life, we don’t want her to think she has to make a perfect choice, because according to the Swarthmore professor, doing so “is a recipe for misery.” If we can get past the illusion that there is a “perfect choice” and choose good enough, we will save ourselves pondering and reflection time, worry, and angst.

Take-Aways

The next time you’re debating about what to choose, impose some restrictions. If you’re experiencing writer’s block, set a timer for five minutes and allow yourself to play. Let your pen move nonstop across the page, or let your fingers fly over the keyboard. Or get outside in nature for some fresh air and movement. Sometimes taking your mind off the problem will give your creative self some inspiration or clarity.

If you have the whole state of Washington available to hike in, try narrowing it down to a single target area, with a possible elevation gain and range that fits your ability and mood. Washington Trails Association’s Hike Finder is a great resource.

And when I discovered the guideline of having an optimal number of choices in the range of eight to fifteen, I realized that encouraging my daughter to have a list of her top twelve choices is a reasonable place to start. What’s more, I realized we intuitively already know how to do this.

So if you’re dating a new person every weekend, put some limits on your choices. If you’re looking at the whole world as a possible travel destination, pick one or two areas to start narrowing down. And when you’re choosing a subject to write about, realize that you can always write another, next week. I did. And like that, I was up and writing again.

Finding Inspiration in Life and Graphic Novels: Oracle Code

SUBSCRIBE ME PLEASE

What I’m Reading: Oracle Code

When I look closely, I’m finding inspiration everywhere, including the Young Adult (YA) graphic novel, The Oracle Code, by Marieke Nijkamp. I’d borrowed this book from the library several times, but I’d overlooked it until I noticed it on a list of recommended books similar to others I’d enjoyed.

I'm finding inspiration just about everywhere, including Young Adult graphic novels. — I’m finding inspiration just about everywhere, including Young Adult graphic novels.

Oracle Code Summary

Hacker Barbara “Babs” Gordon gets injured in a shooting accident and finds herself in a wheelchair trying to solve the puzzle behind the unusual rehabilitation center her father sends her to. When Jena, a new friend at the center, disappears, Babs enlists the help of Benjamin, a rooftop hacking friend from outside the center, to try to help her solve the mystery.

A female protagonist (check!) overcoming physical obstacles (check!) in a mystery (check!) Sounds a lot like something I’ve helped people do for over two decades. Perhaps that’s why it resonated with me.

Quotes that Inspire

Two quotes from Nijkamp’s story jumped out at me.

Finding Inspiration in Life and Graphic Novels: Oracle Code — My daughter is a constant source of inspiration. Here she celebrates her first-place entry and Reserve Grand Champion ribbon for her Legos submission at the Puyallup Fair.

On Losing

“Losing is only permanent if you stop trying.” (p. 95) Another way to say it is the only way you can lose is to quit completely. As long as you are willing to try new things, explore different ideas, and consider a variety of ways to reach your end goal, you are still in the game of life.

One of the very first hikes I went on when I moved to Seattle in 1990 was Mt. Si. At the time, it seemed like a fun way to get outside with a friend from graduate school for some exercise. In 1999, my husband and I joined the Basic Climbing program with the Seattle Mountaineers. Hikes became a way to get in condition for technical peaks. Our daughter joined us in 2004, and our dozen annual climbs shrank to one a year. Hikes became very short.

When Governor Inslee closed all hiking trails in Washington in March of 2020, I felt a profound sense of loss–of freedom, independence, choice, fresh air, discovery, and exploration. I had to get back on the trails. At the very first opportunity, the day Inslee lifted restrictions, I returned to the trails and have been hiking ever since, sometimes three times a week. I had no idea when I started hiking that it would grow into something so important.

On Fear

If something prevents you from doing what you want to do, like COVID did for me eighteen months ago, try to name it. Would you call it fear? Uncertainty? Overwhelm?

Nijkamp writes: “It’s fear that keeps us sharp, that keeps us going, that keeps us figuring out the unknown.” (p. 190) The next time you’re afraid, ask yourself: what’s the worst thing that can happen? Can you expect the best while being prepared for the worst? How likely will that fear materialize? Who can support you if it does?

Inspiration from Others’ Demons

Lest everyone out there thinks trainers waltz up every mountain they choose, please realize that I could have let any one of three big obstacles stop me. My hope is my story will inspire you to move forward.

Lower Back Pain

While I’ve never been in a wheelchair like Nijkamp’s protagonist, Babs, I have battled lower back pain since the late 1990s. I first noticed problems while rowing starboard for my college’s crew. However, it only became debilitating when I competed in powerlifting, a sport involving single-repetition maximum lifts in the squat, the deadlift, and the bench press.

Flare-ups sometimes last for days, and even now, if I neglect my sleep, get too stressed out, eat foods I know cause systemic inflammation, or take shortcuts with my training, I end up hunched over like a ninety-year-old woman. Lower back pain is no fun for anyone. Fortunately, by learning to manage mine, I can also help others manage theirs. I’ve turned adversity into an opportunity.

Sugar Addiction

Until July 2019, I was addicted to sugar. Giving up sugar was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. Alcoholics can avoid liquor; drug addicts can stop using; gamblers can steer clear of casinos and betting. But since sugar is pretty much added to everything these days (beyond the obvious sweets, it’s also found in breath mints, gum, yogurt, tomato sauce, dried fruit, nearly every cereal, etc.), it requires hyper-vigilance to avoid consuming.

(Note: If you feel you or a loved one is battling addiction, whether to drugs, alcohol, gaming, exercise, gambling, etc., a great resource is In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts by Gabor Mate.)

Now I cringe thinking about how many batches of cookies, bars of chocolate, bags of mint M&M’s, cans of sodas, and bottles of diet Peach Snapple I’ve consumed over the past three decades. When I reread some of my journals, I know that my earlier obsession with food was likely fueled by a psychological dependence on sugar. Struggling to overcome not one but five addictions gives me tremendous empathy for the struggles of my clients. I know firsthand how enormously challenging it is. And if I can find a way through it, so can my clients.

Skin Cancer

One look at my freckles and red hair and you can probably guess I’m of Scotch-Irish heritage. I’ve had four Moh’s procedures to remove skin cancers from my face and additional surgeries to remove basal cell carcinomas. For two summers, I wouldn’t go outside between 9 a.m. and 3 p.m. unless every inch of my skin was covered. Now, I know how to choose appropriate hikes and manage the timing of my outings to keep my skin protected. I also know how crucial it is to get natural vitamin D from sufficient exposure to the sun while not burning.

So what?

Every single one of us carries baggage or has reasons to quit. We will always face obstacles and struggles. And until I can no longer breathe, I know I will continue to be challenged. Take a good hard look at what you’re carrying around. How has it weighed you down? What can you do to overcome it?

Because you can. You are the hero or heroine of your own story. One of my favorite song lyrics comes from Kelly Clarkson’s Stronger. Obstacles test us and make us grow stronger and wiser. Use greatness everywhere — fiction and biographies, songs and hikes — to help motivate you.

Final Thoughts

A sign over my desk includes a quote by Nelson Mandela: “I never lose. I either win or learn.” As long as you keep trying new things, you have not lost. I admire courage like Babs’ in The Oracle Code who shows inner strength to adapt and move on with her life. Reading about female protagonists overcoming tremendous physical adversity inspires me to take better care of myself.

When you feel like giving up, think about why you started in the first place. Whether you run marathons, climb mountains, play music, or write poetry, you do it for some reason. What does that thing provide you? What could it provide you if you let go of your fear and the word can’t? Can you get back in touch with the younger you and feel the joy, excitement, or curiosity you first had?