CourtSchurmanGO.com 2025-06-20

How to Get Massive Leverage On Yourself to Change

Earlier this week, a critique partner said I should share a post describing what helped me change some of my bad habits. Aware that being so publicly vulnerable would be stressful and cathartic at the same time, I accepted her suggestion (thanks, CC). Are you ready to make some sort of huge change? Then read on to learn how to get massive leverage on yourself.

Think of change as a series of stepping stones. You cannot cross any river (metaphorical or actual) without taking the first step. What is the first step you need to take to get massive leverage on yourself?

Are You Ready to Change?

In order to change any habit and make it stick, you need to meet the following criteria:

Be RAW – Ready, Able, and Willing — to change
Know what behavior you want to get rid of and what to replace it with
Have a supportive community
Make it so keeping the old habit becomes more painful than building a new one

Change is uncomfortable. Evidence of change to an ecosystem: beaver activity at Magnuson Park.

Massive Leverage Tip 1: RAW — Ready, Able, Willing

I borrowed a phrase from Precision Nutrition and tweaked their order to make it easier to remember (remember KISAGE? I adore acronyms!) Change is uncomfortable. It requires mindfulness, instead of being on auto-pilot, and it involves paying attention to what you are doing. Are you READY, ABLE, and WILLING (RAW) to change? If you are not open to experiencing discomfort, you aren’t ready. If you don’t have support, you will not be able to get through the discomfort. And if you are not in the right mindset, or if you are too attached to the bad habit, you will not be willing to let go.

Going Gluten-free

To share an example of how this worked for me, seven years ago we brought our pup Ajax home. A few days later, I got badly congested and went through several boxes of tissues. We tried using air purifiers, dusting, vacuuming, and brushing the dog, with little success. I didn’t want to depend on allergy medicine for the next fifteen years, so through trial and error, I finally learned that his dander had overwhelmed my immune system.

We would either have to find him another home or I’d have to eliminate another trigger: gluten. I loved our new dog so much that I was READY, ABLE, and WILLING to do anything to keep him. I have been gluten-free and sniffle-free ever since. He is one of the brightest lights in my life and I would make the same decision again in a second.

Ajax at eight weeks. Love at first sight. I would have done just about anything to keep him. I was Ready, Able, and Willing to give up gluten to keep my dog and have been allergy-free ever since. — Ajax at eight weeks. Love at first sight. I would have done just about anything to keep him. I was Ready, Able, and Willing to give up gluten to keep my dog and I have been allergy-free ever since.

Tip 2: Replace Bad Habits with Good Habits

I learned from experience that any habit you remove gets filled with another. Unless you are mindful of what you want to replace it with, you may end up with more bad habits that can become even worse than the original.

Sometimes bad habits develop as coping mechanisms until we develop new skills. As a shy kid, I used to bite my nails. When I decided I was sick of my mangled fingernails, I replaced nail-biting with gum chewing. That led to expensive dental repairs. I switched to diet beverages, partly to avoid extra calories but mostly because I hated the taste of plain water. When I realized how much of our recycling bin was taken up by plastic, aluminum, and glass beverage containers, I got really disgusted with my negative contribution to the environment.

Something had to change.

Saying you want to stop eating sugar is a start. To get massive leverage, look at when and why you eat sugar and think about what you could replace it with instead, or you may trade one bad habit for another. — Saying you want to stop eating sugar is a start. To get massive leverage, look at *when* and *why* you eat sugar and think about *what* you could replace it with instead, or you may trade one bad habit for another.

Freedom from Artificial Sweeteners

I tried a dozen times to stop my beverage habit. When lesions that needed surgery appeared on my skin, I visited a naturopathic doctor who asked about my artificial sweeteners habit. Diet Coke. Diet Peach Snapple. Pretty much diet anything. She said, “A little bit of rat poison is still rat poison.” In my mind, I linked fake sweeteners to skin cancer and worse, which became the massive leverage I needed.

The moment I walked out of her office, I poured the stash of diet peach Snapple I had in the car right down the drain. I have been free from artificial sweeteners for over a decade. The point is this: identifying a habit you want to change is a start. However, you must replace it with a good habit. Otherwise, you may just be trading one bad habit for another.

There is no "bad food" but there are bad habits and "triggers". Everything in moderation is a reasonable idea, but since sugar is so insidious, for me what worked best is elimination. When others have sweet treats, I focus on fruit or foods that are acceptable within my unique eating plan. — There is no “bad food” but there *are* bad habits and “triggers”. Everything in moderation is a reasonable idea, but since sugar is so insidious, *for me* what worked best is elimination. When others have sweet treats, I focus on fruit or foods that are acceptable within my unique eating plan.

Massive Leverage Tip 3: Have a Supportive Community

Enlist the help of a family member, a mentor, a medical professional, or a close friend – or maybe all of the above — to make lasting change. This might take the form of an accountability partner. Such a person knows what you want to do, checks in with you frequently to cheer you on, acts as a sounding board if you struggle, and supports you in hard times. Find a hiking buddy (thanks for the suggestion, TO!), writing partner (thanks for our walk-and-talks, JG!) or mentor (hurrah, EHT!) so you have people in your circle who are vested in your success. By sharing what you are trying to do, you commit beyond yourself. That commitment is much harder to break.

Freedom from Sugar

In July of 2019, I gave up sugar and maintained “sugar sobriety” for over two years. Of every bad habit I have had to let go of, giving up sugar — a substance that is ubiquitous, and more addictive than cocaine — was the hardest. I never could have done it without the help from a supportive husband, a nutrition advisor, my naturopath, and several key hiking partners. Find your support system and make public your intentions.

I know now that my desire for sugar is 100% psychological. We can change our thoughts, and by extension, our habits. — I know now that my desire for chocolate is 100% psychological. We can change our thoughts, and by extension, our habits.

Tip 4: Make Old Habits More Painful Than New Ones

Following the wrist accident in February, nearly every coping strategy I had–hiking, volunteering at the zoo, writing, typing, and exercising — temporarily disappeared. The stress of making my way through my busiest season of work without use of my right hand overwhelmed me.

I relapsed.

Not in all of my bad habits, but in the most recent one I gave up in July of 2019 — specifically, chocolate. And not to the level it was before — never anything sweeter than 72% dark — but enough that I knew the signs. I was heading for trouble. A few days ago, the growing pile of evidence snapped me out of auto-pilot. I took a picture (my “ransom note”) and used the Massive Leverage approach outlined below, adapted from steps Tony Robbins brought to my attention years ago.

My relapse has presented me with this gift: it has reminded me of how much I have learned since July 2019 and how much I might help others get massive leverage on themselves.

What to Do If You Relapse

If you find that nothing else works, you may need Massive Leverage. Here’s what I did to ensure that having chocolate would be far more painful than making sugar-free choices (my replacement: frozen fruit).

Created a story in my mind that continuing on the current path would ruin everything
Promised to cancel something important to me if I broke my commitment within one week
Committed to sharing humiliating proof (my “ransom note” picture) with my blog readers if I broke my commitment before July 31; by that time the habit will have taken root and I would be free of the habit
Wrote, signed, and dated a formal contract in my journal
Shared that I had relapsed and asked for help and forgiveness from the two people closest to me
Acknowledged to myself that I had done the best I could, but I no longer needed the maladaptive tools

Today is day four. I know I can do it this time. After all, I have done it before. We are human. We do the best we can with the tools available to us. And we can remain stuck, or we can take massive steps to break bad habits. If you have had experience overcoming bad habits, please share your story or your tips in the blog comments so we can all learn and support one another.

Focus Eating Habits on How to Eat, Not What to Eat

Many of my previous forty blog posts have delved into identifying habits or behaviors that keep us stuck and prevent us from moving forward. While many of my Body Results clients have specific outdoor goals they are pursuing, some ask me specific nutrition questions such as, “What should I eat?” or “Can you design a diet plan for me?” The answers are as diverse as the people asking them. My first suggestion is to focus on your eating habits. In other words, first focus on how to eat, not what to eat.

The Eating Habits

Before learning about the habits, please pick only ONE to play with over the next week to ten days. Trying to do them all at once will dilute your efforts and set you up for frustration and failure. I have been coaching nutrition change for about seven years now and I am still working on mastering the habits. But awareness is half the battle. Pat yourself on the back for wanting to change and then find someone who can help point out when you are making the change and when you have slipped into previous habits.

Bites of organic tropical fruit with a delectable brownie, included in our chocolate factory tour during a trip to the Galapagos Islands. No food is "bad" as long as you know how to fully savor and enjoy your food without shame or guilt. — Bites of organic tropical fruit with a delectable brownie, included in our chocolate factory tour during a trip to the Galapagos Islands. No food is “bad” as long as you know how to fully savor and enjoy your food without shame or guilt.

Between Meals

The following practices are suggestions to try before you ever take a bite.

Listen to your body’s signals for hunger. Legitimate hunger may cue you by rumbling or gurgling in your stomach. If you feel lightheaded, you may be low in blood sugar. A touch of a headache could mean either dehydration or a need for nourishment. Pay attention to your body’s cues. It is very smart. By learning what your unique physical hunger signals are, you can start to distinguish them from emotional cues.
Avoid multi-tasking at mealtime. Your goal when you eat should be to enjoy, savor, and taste your food. That is difficult to do if you are numbing yourself in front of the television, reading, scrolling through messages or cat videos on your phone, feeding the kids, driving, etc. If you are doing anything else, put off eating until you can focus on just eating.

As You Prepare a Meal

As you get ready to have a snack or meal, consider the following habits.

Make it a meal. Set the table with a bowl or plate, fork or spoon, placemat, and a napkin (even if it’s paper rather than cloth) in full view of whoever is in your household. NOT in the car. NOT standing in front of the open refrigerator. And definitely NOT hiding in a closet or bathroom or in the basement at oh-dark-thirty after everyone has gone to sleep.
Help your body rest and digest. As you get ready to sit down meal, take a deep breath, hold for a second, sip in a little more air, then slowly release to a count of eight. Do that “sipping breath” three times before you ever take a bite. Doing so creates open-regulation for the vagal nerve so that your body is in a “rest-and-digest” state rather than “fight-or-flight.” Even the most nutritious of meals will do absolutely no good if you are eating it in the car, dashing between appointments, with three screaming kids in the back seat. Nobody can digest a meal like that!

Slow Down During a Meal

Once you are legitimately hungry, focused, sitting at the table, and calm, you are ready to actually eat.

Chew thoroughly. This practice does not apply if you are consuming Gu packs at altitude on the mountain (Gu is designed for consumption when you do NOT feel up for chewing) or if you have some physical problem like dental work or a jaw wired shut, or if you have to be on a liquid diet. Otherwise, to start the digestive process, we need to chew our food well. The next bite you take, try chewing forty times before you swallow. Then think about what that experience was like. You can bet it will slow you down!
Set your spoon or fork down between bites. This is another great strategy for slowing down and allowing your body and mouth to enjoy your meal. This also gives you time to have a conversation with someone at your table instead of constantly shoveling food into your mouth.

Homemade avocado rolls and salmon rolls. My teen-aged daughter makes some great sushi and loves eating whatever she prepares.

Eat with your non-dominant hand. Since breaking my wrist in February I have had a lot of experience with this one. Now that I am trying to eat with my right hand again, I sometimes have trouble cutting with a knife and cannot fully supinate (turn the palm up) which makes using a fork tricky. But it is improving.

Keep Your Table a Guilt-free Zone

ENJOY and SAVOR your food without guilt or shame. If you really want that pint of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream, have it. Just be sure to grab a chair, sit down with a bowl, placemat, spoon, and napkin. Light a candle. If there are any cookie dough chunks, chew them forty times. Set the spoon down between bites. Guilt has no place at the dining table and will only add to your stress.

Valentine's Day treats for our daughter's classmates. While I remain gluten- and sugar-free, having baking ingredients in the house is no longer a temptation for me. That was not true as little as three years ago. — Valentine’s Day treats for our daughter’s classmates. While I remain gluten- and sugar-free (and allergy-free!), having baking ingredients in the house is no longer a temptation for me. That was not true as little as three years ago.

Eating Habits After a Meal

Hydrate between meals rather than during. In order to properly digest your food, experiment with liquid consumption outside of mealtime. Digestive enzymes help you digest your food properly; water dilutes these enzymes and might cause sub-optimal utilization of the nutrients you are trying to supply.
Learn to recognize your “satiation sigh.” Your body signals when you have had enough, usually at about 80% full. You will experience a deep sigh of satisfaction which means “stop.” The trouble is, the faster we eat, and the more unaware we are of what we’re eating, the less likely we will hear our body’s request to stop. Most people who multi-task around mealtime or power-eat in five minutes may not even recognize the signal, then wonder why the heck they are so full.
Leave some for later. The great thing about modern refrigeration is we can always save part of our meal. My daughter and I always order more pizza than we can eat in a single sitting, so we have leftovers for breakfast and sometimes lunch. Bonus!

Personal pan pizza on a gluten-free cauliflower crust. Establishing healthful eating habits and working within your dietary limitations means sustained health.

Next Step: Choose Which Eating Habits to Change

Remember, these are only starting points. We are all works in progress and we have had decades to engrain our habits. Be gentle with yourself as you try to change them.

One way to choose which to focus on is by recognizing how you reacted when you first read them. If you scoffed and said, “Well that’s impossible,” you’re probably right. For now. If your reaction was, “Ooh, maybe I could try that,” put it at the top of your list. For any that seem challenging but not impossible, hold them as options for the future.

Give yourself a good week to ten days to experiment with one. If it isn’t something that works for you, try another one. Maybe you can revisit it in the future. And remember, nobody expects perfection. Remember the new year’s post on KISAGE? Keep it simple and good enough. Pick one. Gamify. Make it fun. Learn from it. And if after ten days you notice a difference in how you’re eating, try experimenting with another.

My daughter chose fish and chips while I ordered gluten-free pizza. Restaurants allow us to choose exactly what is right for our individual bodies. Special-order or ask for a vegan or gluten-free menu; chances are, they can accommodate.

As always I love to hear what you’re learning about yourself in the comments. Feel free to share your experiences so we can all grow and learn together.

How to Reframe Self-Talk for Greater Gain

Sometimes change is foisted upon us, like illness or breaking a bone. Other times, it is part of natural evolution, like graduating from high school or college. We can resist change, ignore it, or embrace it. Whatever change you are presently facing, notice what words you use to describe your experience to others. Are you looking at change as loss? Are you excited by the possibilities? Does change scare you? All of the above? As I explore Dan Sullivan’s book, The Gap and The Gain, I am discovering how to reframe self-talk for greater gain.

Cedar waxwing with gorgeous colorations on wing and tail feathers.

Empty Nest?

Our daughter, a senior in high school, qualified to compete in javelin at Districts, the last meet of her high school career. She took three AP exams in two weeks, the last time she will have to do so. We celebrated her eighteenth birthday for an entire week and attended several awards ceremonies and final concerts. Over the next two weeks, she is preparing for prom and graduation with her closest friends. If I feel overwhelmed at all these milestones, I can only imagine what she is feeling. While she prepares for college in September, my husband and I also face a huge change: the “empty nest.”

As a birder, I know that “empty nest” refers to the time when young birds have developed enough strength in their wings and loft in their feathers to leave the nest, a process called fledging. This time of year, females teach their offspring how to survive in the world. We once watched a mama robin tend three clutches of three to four babies each, in one season. Humans, however, need many years to prepare their children to leave home or “fledge.” To me, “empty nest” conjures ending, sadness, and loss. I don’t want to spend the next few months of summer feeling sad. I realized in thinking about this blog post that I am stuck in “The GAP” thinking. Again.

Birds without young will immediately eat whatever they collect. This American robin parent is collecting bugs to feed its young. — Birds without hatchlings will immediately eat whatever they collect. This American robin parent is collecting bugs to feed its young.

Recent Tiger Outing

How can I flex my GAIN muscle and replace the “empty nest” metaphor with something happier? I reflected on my most recent hike to Tiger Mountain, which I wrote about in a blog post last fall about Tiger’s beauty despite logging. Happily, logging has ended and the warning signs have all been removed. West Tiger summits 3, 2, 1, and beyond are all accessible again, although they look much different.

On May 22, Ajax and I did a belated Mother’s Day ramble to discover for ourselves how much things have changed and to see what we could still identify.

Reframe Self-talk: Notice the Positives

I won’t lie, I miss the trees. However, I noticed a number of positives:

Fantastic views: on a beautiful clear day, you can now see Mt. Baker, Mt. Rainier, and the entire Puget Sound area from any of West Tiger’s summits.
Returning wildlife: birds have returned to the trees on the edge of the logging area. We saw a pair of bald eagles surveying the region and heard Anna’s hummingbirds and red-breasted nuthatches as we emerged from the forest.
Planted saplings: someone — WTA volunteers? Weyerhauser? — has already planted baby trees along the trail between Tiger 3 and Tigers 2 and 1. In the future, lovely cool forests will once again top Tiger Mountain.
Cherished solitude: on a lovely spring day when the rest of Tiger Mountain — and probably every other trail near the Puget Sound — was flooded with hikers, Ajax and I pretty much had the Preston trail to ourselves.

A bald eagle perched atop a tree remaining in the clearcut area between Tiger 3 and Tiger 2.

Reframe Self-talk

Broken bones, “empty nests,” and logging on Tiger all involve drastic change. In chapter five of The Gap and The Gain Sullivan defines the term “selective attention,” as focusing on what matters to us personally. To get to THE GAIN we must train ourselves to look for it. Instead of bringing attention to my daughter’s “lasts” over the next few weeks, could I reframe my own thinking to help her see them as “firsts”?

Rather than her last time with high school friends, she can celebrate her first formal dance. Instead of saying farewell to her high school, maybe she’d handle it more positively by thinking of it as her first graduation. And instead of sending her off to explore her college campus by herself to see if she can figure it out, we can make it a game this summer, bookending such excursions with ice cream and shopping. I can help her look at all the small daily gains, much like I celebrated the recent victories of making a full fist, dumping out a wheelbarrow, or slicing Swiss cheese.

Happy high school seniors celebrating after a recent awards ceremony. If we can teach our kids to reframe self-talk, they can focus on positives rather than loss.

Examine Your Words For Clues

The fact is, our daughter leaves for college in the fall. Things will change. Lasts signify endings and loss. Firsts signify beginnings and hope. Empty implies a hole, or something missing. Starting a new chapter breathes with life and vitality. If we celebrate the new experiences our daughter is about to have, we can face this change expecting opportunity rather than sadness. By changing the words we use to describe a situation, we change our attitude toward it. We can flex the GAIN muscle.

The next time you hear yourself using “have to” or “should,” remember that you always have choices. Whenever you dread something, stop to focus on the good that might come from it. If you are creating a story for your future, examine the specific words you use. Are they positive or negative? Can you change your story so you feel better about it? I may not have answers, but after forty blog posts, I have many tools to use to face what comes next. If you have helpful tools to share with readers, we welcome your comments below.

Inspiration from Life and Literature on Managing Pain

This week I have been toying with random thoughts about pain. I searched for the origin of the quote, “Pain is weakness leaving the body.” Did it come from sports? Business? Parenting? I learned it is often used to motivate military troops or reluctant exercisers facing the initial discomfort of challenging workouts. I read from others in pain how such a mantra does not help in managing pain. What does?

An occupational therapist who has worked with me to rehab my broken wrist suggested a more useful approach. When our bodies guard against pain, i.e. following an accident or injury, we need to re-educate our nervous system to tolerate pain once again. In other words, increasing our pain threshold decreases pain sensitivity. By putting up with some discomfort now, we will have less overall pain in the future. I could get behind that one.

One way of managing pain is to get outside and surround yourself with beauty.

Managing Pain – Physical

I fell back on 25 years of experience as a personal trainer to translate her comment into useful advice. Take hiking, for example. If you have never hiked before, and you go out to the mountains for an eight-mile trip with too much in your pack, you will likely experience pain from Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness (DOMS) over the next few days. You might even strain an underprepared muscle that could leave you out for the season.

But if you “sneak up” on your hiking mileage and do a little more each time, the pain won’t be as bad and will eventually disappear as you increase your tolerance. Could the same concept hold true with rehabilitation? Was I hurting myself in the long run by protecting myself from all pain?

The author and Ajax hiking this week three years ago. Rather than getting down about where I am, I used the image of Rainier to inspire myself to get back out there in the next month. — The author and Ajax hiking this week three years ago. Rather than getting discouraged about where I am, I used the image of Rainier to inspire myself to get back out there in the coming month.

With newfound understanding, I endured her poking and prodding at my wrist. Sessions with my myofascial release practitioner were excruciating at first, and as he got deeper into the tissue it seemed like the pain was getting worse rather than better. Finally, in a session this week, he said, “We’ve never gotten this deep because your wrist has been so sensitive.” Aha! I WAS getting more tolerant of pain. Shock training was similar; I had to work through initial discomfort for it to be better the next time. Who knew?

Managing Pain – Emotional

Can we use the same idea of progressive overload to train ourselves emotionally? Can we “get accustomed” to grief, or at least learn new coping tools, so the next time we lose something or someone it won’t feel as devastating? I tested that theory recently.

In an earlier post (November 2021) I mentioned volunteering at Woodland Park Zoo for the past eight years. For reasons I won’t discuss, I decided this week to discontinue volunteering, something I have been considering over the past six months. I thought leaving would be more difficult than it was. It turns out pondering for six months was way more painful than actually leaving which took all of two minutes in an e-mail. I felt initial sadness and then profound relief. This leads me to another great quote a client brought up recently.

Baby Hasani weeks after his birth in May 2019. He was born with hyperextended fetlocks and wore special “shoes” to brace his hind legs until he was strong enough to go without. All living creatures experience pain to some degree. How do you face yours?

Be the Buffalo

On a recent hike on Big Tree Ridge, a hiking partner told me to, “Be the buffalo.” I asked her to explain. She said that instead of racing away from storms, buffalo charge into them in order to experience less overall discomfort. Genius! Procrastinators often make their pain worse by dwelling — for hours, days, weeks, months, maybe even years — on the negative possibilities instead of facing the problem head-on.

Rather than avoiding the pain of physical therapy, once I started embracing it and inviting it into my own training sessions, I made faster gains. The pain diminished. And I sped toward healing.

"Be the Buffalo" means charge toward the storm, or that thing you want to avoid. Embracing the pain NOW means it won't be as bad LATER and will be over sooner. Bison charging over a fence near Yellowstone National Park. — “Be the Buffalo” means charge toward the storm or that thing you want to avoid. Embracing the pain NOW means it won’t be as bad LATER and will be over sooner. Bison charging over a fence near Yellowstone National Park.

Never Lose Hope

Matt Haig, the author of one of my favorite contemporary novels, the Midnight Library, writes in The Comfort Book: “It’s not what happens to you, but how you react that matters.” Buddhism teaches that life is all about suffering. Everyone suffers. We all experience pain. Yet some deal with it far easier than others. They have the resilience I am after.

Later in the same book, he repeats a line: “Nothing is stronger than a small hope that never gives up.” Print it. Frame it. Post it everywhere you feel discouraged and anytime you are in pain. That pain will pass.

To close this week, I offer you a symbol of your own small hope, if you wish: a black bear cub from Yellowstone, cute and cuddly when young but a force to be reckoned with as an adult. May you face today whatever pains you, so that your hope grows into an unstoppable force tomorrow.

Gap and Gain a Powerful Paradigm Shift for the Brain

Every so often I read a book expecting one thing but finding something completely different. Or I come across advice that I need at a specific low moment. Dan Sullivan’s book, The Gap and The Gain: High Achievers’ Guide to Happiness, Confidence, and Success, delivered both. It provided a powerful paradigm shift decades overdue and inspired me to pursue the “Gainer’s mentality” rather than the “Gapper’s.”

Island Lake July 6, 2021. Before my injury, hiking 12-15 miles was just what Ajax and I did. Now I've had to reset my expectations. Touching right thumb to pinkie is a major win. I choose to see the GAIN rather than live in the GAP. — Island Lake July 6, 2021. Before my injury, hiking 12-15 miles was just what Ajax and I did. Now I’ve had to reset my expectations. Touching right thumb to pinkie is a major win. I choose to see the GAIN rather than live in the GAP.

The GAP and GAIN Defined

Mountain lovers might open Sullivan’s book expecting a discussion about peaks and valleys. Instead, it addresses what we choose to compare ourselves to: an impossible ideal that is constantly changing (GAP), or your starting point (GAIN).

The GAP

“You’re in the GAP every time you measure yourself or your situation against an ideal,” (p. xxiii.) If you identify with setting a goal and then, as soon as you reach it, setting another, harder goal that will require more from you and is farther away, you may be a “Gapper.” If you pursue something for many years but never quite attain it, and you feel like your very happiness depends on reaching it, you may be in the GAP. When I started studying children’s fiction in 2014, I decided to write a novel. I have penned five over the last eight years. Happiness and bliss, right? Writing for kids should bring me joy, right?

Hmm. Not exactly.

Being in the GAP

It turns out I have probably been “in the GAP” most of my adult life. When I first had a client reach the summit of Mt. Everest, I was thrilled. Until I wanted more. I coached a woman to reach each of the Seven Summits, the highest peak on each continent. And wondered where to find more. When I reached twelve pullups, surely I could get to twenty-five. When I climbed Rainier, that was enough… for two days, when I decided I had to go back. Now, eight summits later, I want to reach ten. Nice round number, right? So what?

I even had goals around raising my daughter! (She is doing just fine, by the way.) Will the same thing happen when I reach my goal of fifty blog posts in fifty weeks? Or will that be enough to spark joy, happiness and bliss?

As soon as I reach a goal, I arbitrarily move my finish line. Sound familiar? I am never quite satisfied; I keep wanting more. Sullivan points out that Americans are chasing the wrong goal in our endless “pursuit of happiness.” (Thanks, Thomas Jefferson. Turns out he was in the GAP.) We are using the wrong metric. We are measuring the gap when we should be measuring the GAIN.

The GAIN

I help clients set realistic goals for what they want to accomplish in the mountains. Since getting to the final destination is outside our control, I try to teach them about enjoying the journey. We might run into bad weather, obstacles, illness, or injuries before we even start. But we can enjoy the training hikes, the strength we feel in the gym, the ways our bodies react to increased flexibility or better sleep and nutrition. I ask clients to track their progress so they can see where they started and how far they’ve come. I ask them to track their GAINS.

Slipping out of the GAIN

Like everyone else, I set high expectations for myself. Such as going on thirty hikes a year, something I did in both 2020 and 2021. But when I broke my wrist in February, I had to reset all this year’s expectations. I had trouble doing the simplest hiking-related tasks, such as lacing boots, fastening my dog’s harness, shouldering and loading a pack, and even driving a car.

For weeks, I wondered whether I’d ever get back to where I was in October of 2021 — I couldn’t even pick up trash anymore. I sank deeper into THE GAP, comparing myself to an ideal that no longer fit my situation. When I thought I would need surgery, I got depressed. For four days I didn’t want to do anything.

Will I see signs like this again? Absolutely. But they don't define my happiness. I can find happiness within me, around anything. By focusing on the right things. — Will I see signs like this again? Absolutely. But they don’t define my happiness. I can find happiness within me, around anything. By focusing on the right things.

Powerful Paradigm Shift Toward Happiness

That is when I started reviewing Ingrid Fetell Lee’s book on joy. Wherever possible, I lined up people who could help me heal, repair, and rebuild my wrist. I diligently applied myself to the physical therapy exercises and little by little, I noticed changes. As soon as I could zip my coat (it was winter, after all), I smiled. Securing my dog’s favorite harness nearly made me cry. And the freedom I felt from finally doing my hair and clipping my nails was huge. Last week I returned to the mountains to hike — twice. I am BACK.

They say hindsight is 20/20 and as soon as I read the prologue to Sullivan’s book, I knew instantly I had to share it with readers. It’s that profound. True, what I hiked was not Mount Rainier. Not even close. It was not even the distance or gain of Pratt, Melakwa, Island, or Rainbow Lakes, all hikes I did last summer without thinking much about the mileage. But using Sullivan’s approach, I now compare myself to where I was at ground zero eleven weeks ago when I struggled to touch my right thumb and index finger together.

Crossing the bridge back from Talapus and Olallie Lakes, July 2021. We will return this year, I guarantee it. I never quit. Powerful paradigm shift. — Crossing the bridge back from Talapus and Olallie Lakes, July 2021. We will return this year, I guarantee it. I never quit.

Choosing the Gain

Now, I can cut an apple or potato with a knife. I can see the palm of my hand without needing a pair of mirrors. Before starting The Gap and The Gain, my thoughts still went to where I was prior to eleven weeks ago.

No more. I choose not to return to THE GAP as it no longer serves me. I see a better way. Will I get where I was again? Absolutely, someday. That’s another lesson I have learned since December 13: I never give up.

But right now, I choose happiness. I choose to look at how far I’ve come and celebrate that, not what I perceive as loss. So can you.

And I choose to read on. Who knows what other insights I will glean if I got this much out of Sullivan’s prologue?