CourtSchurmanGO.com 2024-11-22

What Do Your To-Read Books Reveal About You?

Today as the snow fell in Seattle for the first time this winter, I looked at my pile of to-read books. I thought about what might be on other people’s lists. In online interviews, many published authors say they’re reading author memoirs for inspiration. Or maybe the classics (yawn…) Friends who aren’t writers usually say they’re reading popular bestsellers. Those who aspire to be published often share that they’re reading books in their genre. My “to-read” pile of books reveals a lot about what I’m currently focused on. What does your pile reveal about you?

My daughter's foray into quilling. This handmade card for my parents inspires me to go beyond my current boundaries into the wild unknown. Along with the books below, I have three quilling books begging to be picked up and used. — My daughter’s foray into quilling. This handmade card for my parents inspires me to go beyond my current boundaries into the wild unknown. Along with the books below, I have three quilling books begging to be picked up and used.

To-Read Books About Changing the Mind

In December, I often look back at what I accomplished in the previous eleven months. I start thinking about changes I might make in the coming year. In my current short stack of eight books, a whopping seven are self-help books. The first four have to do with changing the mind.

Debbie Tung: Everything Is OK

I just completed Debbie Tung's graphic memoir, Everything Is OK. What a relief! — I just completed Debbie Tung’s graphic memoir, Everything Is OK. What a relief!

Tung’s graphic memoir is a collection of comics about overcoming anxiety and depression. If you are looking for a quick, inspiring read to help you through the long, cold, dark winter months, this one is perfect. Whether you experience SAD or general angst around the holidays, you are not alone, even if it feels like you are.

Her number one piece of advice for getting through dark, overwhelming thoughts (p. 166), is “To make small changes in your life and dedicate more time to work on things that matter to you.” For me, that includes keeping up with my weekly blog. It acts as an anchor when everything else feels like it’s spiraling out of control. It helps me recognize those thoughts that are keeping me stuck while inspiring others to do so as well.

Tama Kieves Books

Tama Kieves' Thriving Through Uncertainty. — Tama Kieves’ Thriving Through Uncertainty.

Tama Kieves' Inspired & Unstoppable. — Tama Kieves’ Inspired & Unstoppable.

I first came across Tama Kieves in January 2022 during a journaling seminar through the IAJW. She so inspired me with her delivery that I reserved several of her books from the library. As soon as I came across “Doing one thing” and “Keeping it simple, stupid,” ideas I shared in my blog last year, I knew I had found a kindred spirit.

I read a page a day from A Year Without Fear, a book that shares daily 5-minute inspirations. Thriving Through Uncertainty provides helpful jump-starts, thought questions, and exercises. I pull it out when I have time to reflect on how I might change faulty messages I’m sending myself. Inspired and Unstoppable supplies wisdom when I most need it, including her opening line: What if everything you thought you needed to do to succeed was actually standing in the way of your success?

Pam Grout: A Course In Miracles Experiment

The Course In Miracles Experiment, by Pam Grout. Hopefully, this will be more accessible than the extremely dense, overly religious, and intimidating original, A Course in Miracles.

Kieves, a life and work coach, combines wisdom from her self-help books with tips for the layperson from A Course In Miracles. I recently joined one of her online groups. She repeatedly said that we either act out of love or fear, and we have complete control over which we choose. I recently added Grout’s “Cliff notes” version of the dense program, A Course In Miracles, to explore more deeply in the coming months.

All four of these books reveal to me that I rely on motivational messages to move forward. Since I am a visual learner, I prefer books in written format. However, I have been listening to audiobooks in the car. Such books reveal that “When the student is ready, the teacher appears.”

Books about Self-Acceptance

The next three self-help titles on my reread list deal with self-acceptance and self-understanding. I own all three, but I find I have to keep reviewing the material to get it to fully sink in. I often joke that I move at glacial speed, pondering and musing until suddenly, one day, it sinks in and I push forward like there’s no stopping me. How do you move forward?

Brene Brown: Gifts of Imperfection

Ever since I heard Brown’s Houston Ted talk, I’ve been a huge fan of hers. I’m currently listening to her audiobook, The Power of Vulnerability, for the second time. Her message in this book, letting go of who you think you’re supposed to be (there’s that dreaded word, should!) and embracing who you are, overlaps beautifully with the next book.

Self-Compassion, Kristin Neff

Neff is another Ted Talk inspiration. I’ve recommended her book more often than any other, except perhaps Dan Sullivan’s Gap and the Gain. The message that stands out is using the same empathetic and compassionate techniques you would with a best friend, on yourself. She also insists that everyone suffers; everyone has pain — it’s a necessary part of being human. But we must not beat ourselves up over mistakes and hardship; we can recognize we’re struggling and still move forward with grace and compassion. Of all the books on my list to read, this one has been the hardest for me to tackle.

As I write this post, I recognize it’s probably the one I need to study most of all. In books I own, sometimes I make notes in the margins. Exactly a year ago, I finished the first chapter. Armed with that knowledge, I am moving it onto my “High priority reading list.”

The Emotional Life of Your Brain: Richard Davidson

Of all the books in my pile, this one is the most scientific and newest acquisition. In 30 years of research, neuroscientist Davidson discovered that we each have an “emotional style.” Chapter 3 has a quiz to assess it.

Our emotional style consists of resilience, outlook, social intuition, self-awareness, sensitivity to context, and attention. Our pattern constitutes our “emotional fingerprint.” I’m eager to learn more about mine and what it says about how I relate to others. He also has a chapter titled “Plastic Brain.”

To-Read Books: Survival Fiction, including Falcon Wild

To-read books: I'm currently reading Falcon Wild by Terry Lynn Johnson. — To-read books: I’m currently reading Falcon Wild by Terry Lynn Johnson.

Finally, we reach my favorite escape category, fiction. I have been racing through middle-grade survival stories, where youngsters find themselves in the middle of the wilderness and have to survive (NOT surviving middle school itself. Those are ubiquitous!)

I have a particular fondness for books for 10 to 14-year-old readers. I have been working on several, myself, for a number of years. Some of my favorite authors in the genre include:

Gary Paulsen — his famous novel, Hatchet, the first in a series of four, was a Newbery Honor-winning Young Adult book from 1986. Sadly, Paulsen died of cardiac arrest in October 2021
Dusti Bowling — she writes desert survival stories including The Canyon’s Edge, Across the Desert, and 24 Hours in Nowhere. I’m thrilled to hear that her latest book, Dust, comes out in 2023.

Terry Lynn Johnson — the book I am currently reading is Falcon Wild. She’s also written a dogsledding series and a Survivor Diaries series. If an author combines birds, survival, and clean reading about pre-teen protagonists, I will read it.

Our first snowfall of the 2022-2023 season.

Takeaways From Examining My To-Read Pile

Before I close, I should point out that I get zero commission from referring to any of these books. If you find them interesting, check them out at the local library, put them on your wishlist, or offer them as holiday gifts to those who might benefit.

My takeaways from examining my to-read pile are that I am:

Curious about how the brain works, in particular, whether neuroplasticity applies to the emotional life of our brain.
Interested in finding accountability, support, and encouragement around books that have been difficult to work through on my own.
Ready, willing, and able to make significant changes now that I’ve been developing a growth mindset.
Eager to change those thoughts that keep me stuck.

How about you? What takeaways have you discovered around your reading list? If you have insights or suggestions for further blog posts about getting unstuck, please share them in the comments. And if you have additional resources that fit the takeaways above I’d love to hear about them. Joyward!

How to Play Your Way to Gratitude

As we approach the holidays, I have determined that I need more play, more often. How about you? When was the last time you laughed so hard that your face hurt? Have you done anything recently just for fun? Do you play games that engage and thrill you? This holiday season, I encourage you to think about what you have enjoyed doing in the past and see if you can play your way to gratitude.

One way to gratitude is to pay attention to your surroundings and note what catches your eye. I loved the colorful deep pastel colors of these oversized chairs on South Padre Island. This blog shares other "playful" photographs as an example of how the camera can help YOU detect what constitutes play. — One way to gratitude is to pay attention to your surroundings and note what catches your eye. I loved the colorful deep pastel colors of these oversized chairs on South Padre Island. This blog shares other “playful” photographs as an example of how the camera can help YOU detect what constitutes play.

Vacation Objectives in South Texas

My husband and I just returned from a play vacation. We spent three days with friends in Humble, TX, walking, talking, enjoying great food, exploring local parks, and playing card games and Yahtzee. Then we headed south toward the Rio Grande to birdwatch for four days.

In my most recent blog post, I shared five goals for our trip, all of which we accomplished. I focus herein on the last goal, embracing tiny moments of joy.

A deer enjoyed snacking on vegetation at Atascosita Park in Humble, Texas. We played on the huge climbing structure, walked around the urban ponds, and got pictures of the local wildlife.

Way to Gratitude: Embrace Tiny Moments of Joy

Cesare Pevase said, “We do not remember days, we remember moments.” The tiny moments that I capture with my camera remind me of where we visited, what happened, and what sparks joy for me. Two other trips we took this year also sparked joy. They included one of my all-time favorite hikes in Moab’s Fiery Furnace, and to Alaska with our daughter. Photos highlight what matters most to us, what we want to capture, savor, and share.

During our visit to the Bentsen-Rio Grande Valley State Park, I took twenty minutes to explore a trail by myself. By getting away from hawk watchers, I felt myself shifting gears. I saw more. I got curious. What did the spikey-looking Spanish moss feel like? How — and why — did those snails get into the trees? And what made all that noise? (Turns out the chicken-like chachalacas make quite a ruckus!) Breaking away allowed me to find my own path toward joy.

Peccary piglets (2 of the 3 we spotted) at Hazel Bazemore park.

TRY THIS: The next time you go for a walk, try reversing your path or exploring a new-to-you park, hike, or series of streets. Open your senses. What catches your gaze? Do you hear anything you’ve never heard before? What textures draw you to explore? What you notice informs you about what matters to you. Pay attention. Learn. Grow. Play.

A colorful, whimsical lawn ornament that caught my eye in Humble, TX.

Way to Gratitude: My Top Trip Stops

To remember the highlights, I made a list of the nature preserves, birding centers, pullouts, and state parks we visited. All fifteen of them. Below are the four that supplied me with the strongest joyful moments (in the order we visited them.)

South Padre Island Birding and Nature Center

Our first major stop on the way toward the Rio Grande was the South Padre Island Birding and Nature Center. It was also the first time we saw many of the birds we would enjoy for four days. I was struck by the diversity of species since this center has both freshwater and saltwater ecosystems. While my husband was taken by the smooth-billed and groove-billed anis, I focused on the colorful herons, roseate spoonbills, and four massive American alligators.

Estero Llano Grande State Park

This park is six miles north of the Mexican border. During the five hours we visited, we saw 57 different bird species, including green kingfishers, olive sparrows, and a pair of pauraques which weren’t even on our target list. Bonus! Over the span of eight days, I added 47 new-to-me ebird species, moving my life list up to 611 species. For reference, there are estimated to be over 10,000 bird species worldwide and over 500 which can be seen in the state of Washington.

Laguna Atascosa National Wildlife Refuge

The refuge, at close to 100,000 acres, is the largest protected area of natural habitat left in the Lower Rio Grande Valley. We added several new birds to our life list including eastern meadowlarks, white-tailed, and red-shouldered hawks, and were wowed by the many thousands of birds out on the lake despite high winds and cold temperatures.

Perhaps my favorite, most colorful bird photo of the whole trip was of this northern cardinal male.

Hazel Bazemore Park

This lovely 78-acre nature preserve lies near Corpus Christi, noteworthy for its annual hawk watch. It was my personal favorite because we saw peccaries (nine, including 3 baby javelinas!), deer, and a bobcat. The only other big cat sighting I’ve had in the wild was also a bobcat, in North Carolina. Big cats are secretive, solitary, elusive, and seldom caught on film — but this time I got lucky!

A wild bobcat with breakfast in its mouth, at Hazel Bazemore County Park. The only other big cat I've seen in the wild is a bobcat in North Carolina. They are secretive, elusive, and seldom caught on film -- at least not mine! — A wild bobcat with breakfast in its mouth, at Hazel Bazemore County Park.

Defining Play for You

In her CD, The Power of Vulnerability, shame researcher Brene Brown says that play lies at the core of creativity and innovation. It’s anything that makes us lose track of time and self-consciousness, creating the space where ideas are born. This means we should not restrict play to vacations.

I’m listening. For me, playing includes rolling in a pile of leaves in the backyard with my daughter and dog. Ordering a book of card games for 3-4 people so we always have ready-made non-screen entertainment we can engage in together. Choosing a tree and decorating it as a family. Finding new recipes to experiment with in the kitchen.

The author and Ajax play in a huge pile of dry leaves.

TRY THIS: How do you define play? Think about moments in your past that have brought you joy. Think of what you loved as a child, or what you did last week that made you laugh out loud. What moments of play spark joy for you? Can you include more of it in your daily life? What would it take to set aside a few minutes to watch birds out your window? Can you save twenty minutes to go for a walk and focus on what intrigues you? How about an hour to visit a museum or art shop you haven’t visited in a long time? My wish for you this holiday season includes more play, fun, and joy.

Don't be a turkey! Have some fun this holiday season! Play! — Don’t be a turkey! Have some fun this holiday season! Play!

I welcome your comments, thoughts, or observations in the comments box. Happy holidays and spark (or sparkle!) on.

Seize the Moment and Ditch the Old To-Do List

I am in the midst of preparing for a week-long birding trip with my husband. This will be the first together without our daughter in eighteen years. This morning my long “to-do” list closed in on me. I thought back to the last four days of our Alaska vacation in which “winging it” brought about some of our most memorable experiences. Here I was, facing a beautiful cloud-free November day, with a good half-day of “to-do’s.” Did they really matter? Could I seize the moment and ditch the old to-do list?

Seize the moment. On a morning walk, we spotted brilliant fall colors blazing against bright blue skies in Seattle. What's not to love? If only we make time to enjoy them. — Seize the moment. On a morning walk, we spotted brilliant fall colors blazing against bright blue skies in Seattle. What’s not to love? If only we make time to enjoy them.

Three Wins

On a whimsical walk with my dog, in a neighborhood I used to live in but seldom visit, I pondered Dan Sullivan’s advice in The Gap and the Gain. He talks about reflecting on “three wins” at the end of each day and projecting possible wins for the following day. Instead of tackling that intimidating to-do list, what if I rewrote today’s wins as:

Providing myself with massive self-care
Spending time outside with my dog
Packing for my morning flight

Would the world really collapse if I didn’t get another blog post out?

A beautiful deep-yellow tree caught my eye against the clear blue sky.

Seize the Moment: Simple and Good Enough

Of course not. I write on deadline for myself, to prove I can. But the question was enough to get me thinking about the broader scope of my blog. Of the lessons I return to repeatedly. Like the five-minute action in Keeping it Simple and Good Enough. What if I reminded readers of some of the tools we all can use whenever we get overwhelmed? When we all feel invisible pressure to “do everything, and do it perfectly?”

The longer I walked, the more I realized that I yearned to write something big, stupendous, and amazing. But my inner voice kept whispering KISAGE. Could I write about listening to our inner wisdom? What was my spirit asking for heading into this trip? What might my three wins be for the coming week?

I looked up and spotted a peek-a-boo treehouse. Then I smiled. I had the answer.

I spotted this gorgeous treehouse and created a story about the users. Did someone build it as a writer's retreat? for kids' sleepovers? for bird watching? — I spotted this gorgeous treehouse and created a story about the users. Did someone build it as a writer’s retreat? for kids’ sleepovers? for bird watching?

Listen to Your Spirit

If I had to put my recent thoughts to a musical score, I’d set it to Hans Zimmer’s Time (from Inception). I’ve been playing it on repeat over the last two weeks. Zimmer’s music inspires me so much that I recently acquired sheet music. I’ve been setting aside fifteen minutes a day to practice it on the piano. I wish I could create something as awe-inspiring as his music. But I am also struck by the clean simplicity of the closing bars.

My post this week is equally simple. It is a reminder to listen to your inner wisdom, what Tama Kieves calls our “spirit” in her weekly course. In it, she combines her book, Inspired and Unstoppable, with wisdom from A Course In Miracles. When we take time to trust ourselves, give ourselves massive self-care, and listen to the wisdom within, we can find our way out of any maze.

The whimsy of a turtle statuette on a bench next to a pumpkin.

Seize the Moment: A Different To-Do List

So, I scrapped my to-do list and simplified it. Doing so made room for creating a short blog post. And what about my goals for the coming trip? I created them while sitting outside barefoot in the November sunshine.

Simple:

Get plenty of sleep
Be gracious and respectful
Ask open-ended questions
Seek tiny moments of joy
Re-connect with my husband

The raspberry colors of this maple stand out among the green, yellow and orange around it. — The raspberry colors of this maple stand out among the green, yellow, and orange around it.

What has you stuck? What matters most? Is your ladder leaning against the right wall? Can you rewrite your list with five-minute actions in mind? At the end of the day, as you look back at what you accomplished, do you feel good about your priorities? I do. Prioritizing self-care allowed me to finish what’s most important.

How to Reduce Emotional Clutter by Cleaning House

You may recall from an earlier post that I developed my own monthly challenge called OcTraPiMo (October Trash Pick-up Month). The experiment was to collect trash on daily neighborhood walks with my dog. This year, I’m hoping to reduce emotional clutter by cleaning the house.

An adorable but worried-looking northern fur seal during our most recent trip to New Zealand in December 2019. How I sometimes envy the freedom wild animals have who don't need to reduce emotional clutter. They have no houses to clean. — An adorable but worried-looking northern fur seal during our most recent trip to NZ in December 2019. How I sometimes envy the freedom wild animals have who don’t need to reduce emotional clutter. They have no houses to clean.

What Is Clutter?

Anything in your home that you love, need, or use, is not clutter. Everything else is and needs to go. Emotional clutter, however, is way more complicated. And has much deeper roots. If you’re anything like me, every time you think of removing precious stuff from your home, you may feel a host of emotions ranging from uncertainty to panic.

“I just know as soon as I get rid of it, I’ll need it.” Not sure what this is called, maybe unreasonable anticipation?

“Nobody notices that crack in the frame except me.” This is a lie we tell ourselves to hide the truth.

“You can never have too many dog toys.” This one needs no analysis. Or maybe it does. Just sayin’.

Ajax rests next to one of his two baskets of dog toys. A dog can only play with one at a time. Time to clutter bust, perhaps?

“My grandmother gave that to me right before she died. I can’t just throw it out.” Emotional attachment to someone who is no longer there, feeling like the object somehow represents the missing person.

“I wear that every other December when we host for the holidays. It’s getting snug.” Um, perhaps unrealistic expectations.

There must be psychological names for such examples, but that does not matter. Can you recognize yourself in any of them?

How can we bust through the clutter in our home when the thought of letting go of anything causes emotional turmoil? The answer may lie in unearthing the reason for the clutter and removing its tough outer shell.

From Clutter to Clarity

One place to start might be Kerri Richardson‘s book, From Clutter to Clarity. Of all the resources I’ve studied, including Marie Kondo’s wildly popular KonMari method, Richardson gets at why we have clutter where we do. Her “common clutter hotspots” cheat sheet at the end of the book pointed me toward two chapters that spoke volumes.

I didn’t realize (until this week) that I have two clutter hotspots: our office (what Richardson refers to as the money center) and my mind. Once I identified the truths in those two chapters, I was able to shed grief, guilt, and shame before I could tackle the KonMari method. Now that I have embraced the why behind the clutter accumulation and have created a strong plan to deal with it, I can move forward with the how.

An adult white-capped albatross we spotted during a pelagic trip off Stewart Island on January 1, 2020. With a beak like that it would be easy to peck through any shells.

Choosing a Path to Reduce Emotional Clutter

Brooks Palmer, author of Clutter Busting and Clutter Busting Your Life, offers some practical advice for getting rid of clutter. He stresses the importance of asking yourself curious questions about the items in your home. Questions such as how do you feel when you read/hold/see this item? Does it represent someone you no longer feel you are or something you want to change? Who pays the highest price for holding onto the item beyond its welcome?

If the answer is you then it’s time to let go.

Marie Kondo, Japanese consultant and creator of The KonMari Method, suggests that items in your home which don’t “spark joy” do not belong in your home. She asks participants to commit to tidying everything all at once, whereas KC Davis, author of How to Keep House While Drowning, insists that you are not lazy if you struggle to keep a clean house and you can take as long as you need to.

When considering the right path for you, remember that whatever system you choose must work for you or you won’t follow through. Perhaps you could use a five-minute action to get over any inertia. This is my plan.

A northern right whale breached nearby on January 1, 2020, during a pelagic trip off Stewart Island, NZ. This image speaks to me of "diving right in" to reduce emotional clutter. No better time than the present. — A northern right whale breached nearby on January 1, 2020, during a pelagic trip off Stewart Island, NZ. This image speaks to me of “diving right in” to reduce emotional clutter. No better time than the present.

KonMari Method

Kondo suggests a clutter-busting method that includes going through everything in your house, garage, shed, and car(s) in five steps, in the following order:

Clothing
Books
Papers
Miscellaneous items
Sentimental value

She suggests pooling together similar items so you can see everything you have, all at once. As you go through each pile (you can have each member of your household do their own clothes, books, and papers), ask “Does this spark joy?” Keep anything you love or that makes you happy. Put the rest into “Maybe” or “Discard.”

You might also want to consider whether items in the discard pile should end up in the garbage, in a garage sale, as a donation, or to trade. But initially, your priority is to look for what you will keep.

And don’t overlook the option of starting small: your desk. A drawer in your file cabinet. A shelf behind your desk. If doing the entire household all at once stresses you out, commit to what you CAN do to move forward.

A northern right whale starting on a deep dive. If going deep stops you in your tracks, do your best to find out why. Then just start. Even if it's five minutes a day. You are so worth it. — A northern right whale starting on a deep dive. If going deep stops you in your tracks, do your best to find out why. Then just start. Even if it’s five minutes a day. You are so worth it.

NoCluHoMo to Reduce Emotional Clutter

During the coming months (until I finish – doing this during the holidays is a little intimidating but I’m using the five-minute action as my guide) I’m conducting an experiment I’ve dubbed NoCluHoMo (No Clutter in the House Months). I have done well with clothing and books. Where I get stuck is Kondo’s third category, papers.

In particular, my manuscripts. I always mean well, but whenever I get to this category, I want to skip over it, something Kondo would advise against. All the other clutter-busting authors would probably say, “Just keep going.” So that’s what I plan to do.

Jigsaw puzzles I acquired by trading those I no longer wanted for those I could enjoy. Put together your own solution, one piece at a time.

If you feel like clutter-busting would help you clear your emotional clutter, and you’ve found a path that works for you, consider joining me during NoCluHoMo. It doesn’t have to be in November, it can be whenever it works for you. After all, give yourself a present — there’s no better time than the present. As always, feel free to share comments that might help others get past their blocks. I love hearing from readers.

How To Create Your Unique Food List

Imagine walking into the supermarket after a hard day at work. You’re borderline hangry, and you want food. Now. At times like this, it’s easy to grab the first thing you find and stuff it in your face. You’ll deal with the consequences later. But if you know in advance what’s on your unique food list, you can make much better decisions that support your health and well-being.

Just as pandas are highly specialized to do very well on bamboo, we have each evolved to do well on certain foods. What is on your traffic light green list?

Unique Food List: Traffic Light Method

In June, I shared a blog post, How to eat is more important than what to eat. You can use the “traffic light” eating method to create your own personal power-food list of what to eat. Precision Nutrition coaches use this technique to help people identify foods that provide energy, help improve sleep, and support balanced moods.

Grab a pen and paper and jot down your thoughts as you read the following questions.

For families with "traffic light" lists that don't overlap on many items, restaurants can be amazing solutions as each person can order what they want. — For families with “traffic light” lists that don’t overlap on many items, restaurants can be amazing solutions as each person can order what they want.

Green-Light Foods: What Makes You Feel Awesome?

Green-light foods make you feel good nearly every time you eat them—physically and emotionally.

You digest them well, you like the taste, and you have a healthy relationship with them. (Read: You can count on them for regular nourishment; you’re not just calling them up when you’re emotionally challenged.)

These differ widely from person to person. My husband loves steak and Jasmine rice while I prefer pork and baby gold potatoes. And my daughter (bless her youth) can still eat gluten without problems.

By knowing what's on your unique food list you can customize salads so that they are delicious, nutritious, and health-supportive for you. — By knowing what’s on your unique food list you can customize salads so that they are delicious, nutritious, and health-supportive for you.

I work with a couple who have similar hiking and skiing objectives, but one swears by liver pate while the other must consume carbohydrates. Yes, cooking for each individual’s diet needs in a large family can be tricky. But start by looking for where your traffic light lists overlap. Maybe you can find foods everyone can enjoy — and feel good eating.

Yellow-Light Foods: What Foods Work — Sometimes?

You might like these foods, but when you eat them regularly or in larger portions, you don’t feel too great. For example, a small portion of lentils may be fine, but a big bowl makes you blame the dog for the sudden odor in the room.

Alcohol and organic chips could wind up in this category, but so could kale or tomatoes.

Homemade cheese bowls -- for those who can't eat gluten or deep-fried foods. — Homemade cheese bowls — for those who can’t eat gluten or deep-fried foods.

What’s more, these can change frequently. For months my husband was eating fermented foods (to my daughter’s dismay) and then realized something had changed. He shifted to adding tomato sauce or hot sauce for flavoring. I find that raw tomatoes sometimes give me cold sores, but cooking tomatoes in a gluten-free lasagna is fine.

Red-Light Foods: What Makes You Hide After Eating Them?

There is no “bad food” per se, but red-light foods sure can make you feel bad. They might cause allergic reactions or indigestion. They could contribute to diarrhea, constipation, or bloat. Certain foods might make you feel like you’ve gained fifteen pounds overnight. Or perhaps they make you feel like you’ve lost all control.

Ultra-processed foods fall into this category. Most people find that, once they start eating them, they can’t stop. These include doughnuts, cookies, chips, crackers, sugary cereals, and even some granola bars. Packed with sugar, fillers, sodium, and chemicals, they have been manufactured to make people buy more. Cha-ching!

I know that if I eat the concoction above I will have zero nourishment and 100% mood swings, not anything I want to do to my body.

So-called “healthy” foods can also be on a person’s red-light list. For example, if you have a reaction to shellfish, they’re red. If you experience diarrhea after having yogurt or milk, dairy foods may be red-light foods for you. I have found that I get congested and sniffly anytime I have the smallest amount of gluten.

While I do not have celiac disease (meaning I won’t die from gluten), my sensitivity means anything containing gluten is red. Once you’ve identified how to live a healthy lifestyle, you won’t want to go back to constant congestion.

Your Unique Food List Is Yours Alone

Consider how certain foods make you feel and think about yourself:

Does this food feel good in my body?
Do I get energy or feel sluggish after eating this food?
Does this food align with my culture and values, if that’s important to me?
Do I like how I behave when I’m around these foods?
Do I feel guilty about eating something?

My unique food list no longer includes cauliflower (bloat), but now I do well with red meat (yay protein and iron). Our list of optimal foods changes as we change.

When you choose foods that are from your green list, with a little yellow (think 10% “cheat meals” during a week, or two weekly meals), and avoid the red, you’ll probably find yourself eating much healthier. But more importantly, you’ll feel a greater sense of autonomy, flexibility, and enjoyment when you eat.

How have your food preferences changed over time? Do you have challenges in your household finding foods everyone can agree on? Leave a question or comment for me. I love hearing from readers.